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I think the best action is to just tell Samantha the truth, although personally whether or not they decide to leave me is none of concern considering they were terrible friends to begin with.
I think the best action is to just tell Samantha the truth, although personally whether or not they decide to leave me is none of concern considering they were terrible friends to begin with.
You will find real friends. I think as you get older though they come in single serving surprises. They usually don't do this kind of thing. Someone doesn't like someone else they just stay away. Of all the people I met in my late teens and twenties I would say 3 made good friend status. I was very social during those times so its kinda rare to have a REAL friend.
My recent cheater tattle was finding out some girl was being "the jacob" to my little brother. He asked me what I thought of her. He assumed I didn't know her. She was cute but I did my friend circle homework. She was dating some other guy who was also a drug dealer. I also found out she is a party ho and cheats on him all the time.
He was mad at me for a month. Then he got over it. It was my little brother and I think he was just mad that I found it out. I think he was embarrassed. But he is talking to a much nicer girl now so its all good.
I also hooked him up with some car repair stuff for free. (I, my s.o. and his father are going to be working on a mustang restore with my bro this summer.)
I think that also helped. Seeing that real friends DO something for you instead of just use you for company or amusement.
You will find some nice friends someday. YOU stay nice! Its hard to find them in your twenties I think. Everyone is so caught up in their own BS.
Well I've decided to tell Samantha the truth about what had happened. However I have decided to distant myself away from the two of them and everyone else who is involved with them for obvious reasons. I feel like i made a mistake cause now I feel lonelier than ever. T-T
Holy hell, I have been in this EXACT situation. Almost to the point that I am wondering if we know each other...this is creepy. I ended up outing the situation to my friend who was being cheated on, because I couldn't stand to watch all of the deceit going on. This was also after telling the dude that he needed to come clean to his current girlfriend (my friend) before I told her what was going on, but he refused. Anyway, this situation ended up continuing for 2 years after the fact, this guy going between these two girls. Now he is with another girl (that I am sure he is cheating on...who was actually good friends with one of the original girls from the love triangle),he is still contacting both of the other girls from the original love triangle, and the two girls are now best friends (against all bizarre odds)...It is all really deranged and really screwed up. God, I have to wonder if we are talking about the same people.
Either way, yeah it sucks to watch this stuff happening, but at the end of the day it is up to these people to make their own mature decisions, and getting involved (like in my case) may or may not make any difference at all. People are nuts when it comes to love and are more often than not willing to overlook anything in order to stay with the person they love. Love is blind, baby.
I know traditional wisdom dictates to stay out of it. But if it were a close friend of mine I would have to tell her (IF I thought it would make a difference in her actions).
All I know is if a good friend of mine knew a guy I was seeing was fooling around and didn't tell me? I would be pissed.
But I haven't really been in the type of situation you described either....
You will find real friends. I think as you get older though they come in single serving surprises. They usually don't do this kind of thing. Someone doesn't like someone else they just stay away. Of all the people I met in my late teens and twenties I would say 3 made good friend status. I was very social during those times so its kinda rare to have a REAL friend.
My recent cheater tattle was finding out some girl was being "the jacob" to my little brother. He asked me what I thought of her. He assumed I didn't know her. She was cute but I did my friend circle homework. She was dating some other guy who was also a drug dealer. I also found out she is a party ho and cheats on him all the time.
He was mad at me for a month. Then he got over it. It was my little brother and I think he was just mad that I found it out. I think he was embarrassed. But he is talking to a much nicer girl now so its all good.
I also hooked him up with some car repair stuff for free. (I, my s.o. and his father are going to be working on a mustang restore with my bro this summer.)
I think that also helped. Seeing that real friends DO something for you instead of just use you for company or amusement.
You will find some nice friends someday. YOU stay nice! Its hard to find them in your twenties I think. Everyone is so caught up in their own BS.
Sorry for taking so long to comment, to be honest, I don't think I can find a friends who aren't selfish and or think for only themselves. I'm always there for them to listen to their problems but yet they turn the other cheek when I try to talk to them about things I go through. Ultimately, it makes me trust people less and less and it's harder to find anymore real friends. :/ Sorry for my rant, haha
Sorry for taking so long to comment, to be honest, I don't think I can find a friends who aren't selfish and or think for only themselves. I'm always there for them to listen to their problems but yet they turn the other cheek when I try to talk to them about things I go through. Ultimately, it makes me trust people less and less and it's harder to find anymore real friends. :/ Sorry for my rant, haha
They are out there. If you find someone acting like that then you know what they are made of and in their current selfish state its not worth getting deeply involved with them. You heard that stupid catchphase of "emotional vampires"? Well thats how they act. When someone is developing it is naturally for the person out of healthy self preservation to be self serving. Its safer. But as you grow and your brain develops to exhibit empathy and higher level of critical thinking skills you can leave that selfish behavior to the side.
The human brain does not develop these empathetic traits until at least the mid 20's and is less likely to develop at all in the mentally ill or substance abusers.
People like to think of "mentally ill" as just eat your face off bat poop crazy. But do some reading on personality disorders and narcissism.
You will find your peace there. People that carry on like that are broken.
And once you see them for that you may get that "im too old for this and I am not bothering to parent" feeling before you are neck deep into a relationship with them.
Good Luck.
And don't be lonely. This is good for you too. Its part of becoming an adult to learn to deal with alone time. So many people are co-dependent and it sets them up for this type of situation again and again. Watch for that. You don't have to be a DB but realize what a friend is and only give what you get or you are going to end up drained in the end.
A real friend you could tell them to stop as some do get caught up in their mess and will change with age and time. So...be empathetic but don't let it drain you or make you compromise your personal values.
This thread has been dead for awhile, but I just wanted to give an update. Basically, I;m friends with neither girl anymore. Honestly I feel better now.
Question. Did you tell Abigail when your other friend Samantha started dating Abigail's boyfriend, Jacob...the first time around?? If not....then do the same this time. Stay out of it....and do not ask Abigail anything. Must be a severe shortage of guys where you three live. Doesn't sound healthy....and maybe you need to broaden your choice of friends...because truly neither of these girls have moral values and seem trust worthy.
Last edited by JanND; 01-03-2013 at 04:46 PM..
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