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Thank you! I'm aware my thinking is out there but I'm at least decent enough to not want to ruin someone else's life because I'm expected to get married and have a family.
Its not even "out there"...its just how you choose to live vs. how other people choose to live. The problem is that segments of society have such an inflated opinion of their existence and their way of life to a degree that if it is not validated by others who, in their minds should be pursuing the same lifestyle, then it is viewed as a direct offense to their own lifestyle. Ive never condemned anyone who proclaimed their independence or who touts the fact that they dont need anyone else, and I certainly dont condemn anyone who chooses to marry and/or have children. I see no reason why you should feel guilty or be shamed for your decision. Only you know what makes you happy.
Last edited by soletaire; 05-31-2012 at 10:47 AM..
I can honestly say now that after my twenties, I don't think having a family is for me. I like kids, but just not enough to have one or deal with everything that goes with it. There are already so many people in this world and we are overcrowded as is. With the economic realities we are facing and the potential future, I fully expect to see an event resulting in population decline. Why subject a child to that....
Now that I have one, I can appreciate the insane amount of work and the investment involved.
I appreciate it when people realize on their own that it's not for them. I can understand why, too. To do it right, to do it with all the things you should do for your kid...takes a LOT of sacrifice.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4
It's only a problem if you find yourself angry later about why your life hasn't turned out the way you wanted it to.
Some of us used our 20s to build something. Starting early gives you a head start.
Some people use it as a mini vacation after a long time of schooling. But then don't complain when you're not as far ahead in your career or in life when you hit your 30s and 40s.
Btw, most of us 'successful' folks didn't party in college, either. So don't go thinking you were the only one who worked hard just because you were a commuter who worked.
This whole "I deserve a break' mentality is not the path to riches. Just an FYI is all.
And I do commend you for not getting into relationships when you know you are not ready for it and really have nothing to offer.
This is going to be totally dependent on your definition of success.
If I'm in a solid position that pays my bills and allows me to save and travel a bit. Not every one of us considers success being in the high level positions, high salary, or driving BMWs a preresquite for success. If I'm happy and can grow overall as a person regardless of occupation, that TO ME is success.
Who is telling him that he should have a family? Who is telling him to get married? Most people seem to be telling him that he needs therapy and that he is not marriage/father material.
I merely asked if he thought that his idea of fun right now was going to be the same forever. He implied that he couldn't get married or have a family because they would interfere with his fun - by which he said was playing video games, drinking, and staying out until 4am. I can't imagine that those things would still be fun in 20 years so I asked him about it.
Once again - this thread is about why some successful men marry young. We are answering the question as to why some successful men marry young. What don't you get about the responses here?
I explained that very clearly in my post. Read the last paragraph.
I never said that anyone told him to get married or have a family. I said that I can't understand people putting him down because of what he chooses to do for fun or because he is self aware enought to realize that a family is not for him.
This is going to be totally dependent on your definition of success.
If I'm in a solid position that pays my bills and allows me to save and travel a bit. Not every one of us considers success being in the high level positions, high salary, or driving BMWs a preresquite for success. If I'm happy and can grow overall as a person regardless of occupation, that TO ME is success.
Again, if that makes you happy and you're not complaining about it later (or trying to make or support political policy to 'even things out'), I have no issue with this.
I agree that getting to do what you want to do every day is probably the best definition of success I can think of.
Its not even "out there"...its just how you choose to live vs. how other people choose to live. The problem is that segments of society have such an inflated opinion their existence and their way of life to a degree that if it is not validated by others who, in their minds should be pursuing the same lifestyle, then it is viewed as a direct offense to their own lifestyle. Ive never condemned anyone who proclaimed their independence or who tout the fact that they dont need anyone else, and I certainly dont condemn anyone who chooses to marry and/or have children. I see no reason why you should feel guilty or be shamed for your decision. Only you know what makes you happy.
His being "out there" isn't that he is choosing to live a single life. It's that he seems to equate love to getting shot or having all the fun sucked out of life. That's what I find "out there."
Quote:
Originally Posted by mochamajesty
I explained that very clearly in my post. Read the last paragraph.
I never said that anyone told him to get married or have a family. I said that I can't understand people putting him down because of what he chooses to do for fun or because he is self aware enought to realize that a family is not for him.
Who is putting him down? I'm simply countering his ideas that love equals misery. I think that is what most of us are doing. I never said you couldn't be happy being single - you can. But love is not some evil, soul sucking force and it's kind of hard to hear someone talk about it like it is.
And once again - this thread is about SUCCESSFUL GUYS MARRYING YOUNG. It's not about "why don't you ever want to get married?"
They were probably done with the bachelor life. Not everyone wants to do that for 10 or 20 years. Also there are advantages to having kids at a younger age, then enjoying the empty nest and retirement. Having kids at 40 almost guarantees they will be on the payroll to some extent, until one or both parents are closing in on 70, if not longer. That doesn't sound too exciting.
I explained that very clearly in my post. Read the last paragraph.
I never said that anyone told him to get married or have a family. I said that I can't understand people putting him down because of what he chooses to do for fun or because he is self aware enought to realize that a family is not for him.
The whole thread started by basically putting others down who chose to marry earlier than they thought desirable....are you going to address that part of the thread?
I find it strange to have expectations at all. Expectations like, "I want to get married at X time" or "I don't want to get married until I'm at Y point in my life" just ruins everything to me. Just my opinion.
His being "out there" isn't that he is choosing to live a single life. It's that he seems to equate love to getting shot or having all the fun sucked out of life. That's what I find "out there."
Thats understandable, but I interpreted that remark as more of a hyperbole or an exaggeration than an actual 1:1 comparison. I mean, you yourself, compared love to winning the lottery, which can be true, but it could also be considered an idealized view of love once one takes into consideration that heartache, the divorces, the expense, and widowed component. Not saying love is bad, or a negative thing, but one can have love without marriage, just as one can have a loveless marriage. Which brings up the other reality which is that, one can find love through many different sources. One can find reciprocal love in pets, friends, family, or even hobbies (like video games, sports, travel etc.).
Its all in how you perceive your relationships.
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