Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
A very dear friend of mine (who is a male) met his (soon to be) ex-wife online & they went out on a first date. They really hit it off & they kissed & stuff that date. He claims that the stress of those first experiences often brings out a cold sore - as it did this time. They went out a couple days later & proceeded to have sex & he performed oral you know what. Fast forward a few weeks & she couldn't sit, wear pants, & could barely move because she had such a wretched breakout of herpes on her genitals & thighs. He gave her Oral Herpes on her genitals - nice, huh?
He still doesn't think this is a risk or issue he needs to bring up to prospective lovers. ICK!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by cinderobyn
Oh btw, all things dont come up on a test, such as HERPES SIMPLEXII It can be cultured while it is in an active state, but while unactive, no bloodtest, etc....something to think about, yes I work in a drs office la la
Sure, the number matters to some extent. What's most important to me is the here & now. We all have our issues from our pasts. Who is this man TODAY - that's what I care about. What has he learned from his past - that's important too. If he is disease free, is willingly monogamous, & shares my values TODAY - I don't care what the number is.
That all being said - I am nearly 40 - chances aren't great I'll run into a virgin who's looking to marry me. But, I am not looking for a project - if you get my meaning. We all have a learning curve with a new partner - I understand that. But, I just "ain't" looking to be momma teacher. At the same time, it would be easier if he wasn't a man who had been with a full 1/2 of the female world population. My longest "relationship" outside of marriage was with a man who had bedded just that many women. I'm not a competitive person - but, that is a lot to contend with. I am a pretty open person - but I don't want to feel compelled to be a circus performer each time we are sexual.
So, I'd say the number matters to some degree, for me, at both ends of the spectrum & for varied reasons, but that the present day reality of who that man has become is where the real importance rests.
I'll take a good solid man of character with any number who is ready to be the King of my universe ONLY!
If he had a lot of girls before me, I'd feel like I had to "measure up" or something. Like I had to compete with the previous ones. That would be in the back of my head at least. Any other women feel that way?
The number of lovers would matter and who the lover were would matter, I wouldn't enjoy going out and haveing ex lovers coming up to her all the time and I wouldn't like it if I knew them either. When i was young there was a girl who really liked me and wanted to be my girlfriend but she had been in a relationship with one of my best friends and I was never at ease with the thought so I passed her by.
The deal with me would be that I don't want to know about all the lovers she had, keep it a secret.
If he had a lot of girls before me, I'd feel like I had to "measure up" or something. Like I had to compete with the previous ones. That would be in the back of my head at least. Any other women feel that way?
Honestly, I think the only reason why someone would feel like they had to compete with past lovers is if they felt a lack of trust in the present arrangements. This is just my opinion based upon my own experience. I dated a man for many years who was always seeing other women & who had been having sex since nearly pre-adolescence. I felt like I had to "measure up" because there was never any sense of security with him & whenever I would catch him with someone else he'd blame it on me - saying I wasn't doing everything I should or often enough or whatever. There was always some excuse.
I also dated a man who had plenty of prior experience but was nothing like the person I just mentioned. I never felt a bit of competition or discomfort about the women he had "slept" with or the number. Some of them were still friends in his circle & it didn't bother me one bit. I trusted who he was at that time & trusted that the past was indeed the past. He gave me no indication that I needed to "fear" otherwise.
I don't know to what extent my age played a part in all of that - as I would now never stand for a man treating me like the first I mentioned - blaming me for his inadequacies. At this point in my life I just think that a man's "number" cannot be the greatest of my concerns - not if he is a "highly evolved being" & that experience has made him the fabulous man he is today (and if he is disease free).
I've also learned that, while I clearly have a much lower number than the average single 40 year old - I am not stupid - I am still friends with some men I have slept with. I don't believe most men really want to know that much info about their female partner's past. I wouldn't lie - but, if he doesn't ask - I am not going to tell either. Frankly, I avoid the topic entirely, as too much truth can lead to bruised male egos.
Honestly, I think the only reason why someone would feel like they had to compete with past lovers is if they felt a lack of trust in the present arrangements. This is just my opinion based upon my own experience. I dated a man for many years who was always seeing other women & who had been having sex since nearly pre-adolescence. I felt like I had to "measure up" because there was never any sense of security with him & whenever I would catch him with someone else he'd blame it on me - saying I wasn't doing everything I should or often enough or whatever. There was always some excuse.
I also dated a man who had plenty of prior experience but was nothing like the person I just mentioned. I never felt a bit of competition or discomfort about the women he had "slept" with or the number. Some of them were still friends in his circle & it didn't bother me one bit. I trusted who he was at that time & trusted that the past was indeed the past. He gave me no indication that I needed to "fear" otherwise.
I don't know to what extent my age played a part in all of that - as I would now never stand for a man treating me like the first I mentioned - blaming me for his inadequacies. At this point in my life I just think that a man's "number" cannot be the greatest of my concerns - not if he is a "highly evolved being" & that experience has made him the fabulous man he is today (and if he is disease free).
I've also learned that, while I clearly have a much lower number than the average single 40 year old - I am not stupid - I am still friends with some men I have slept with. I don't believe most men really want to know that much info about their female partner's past. I wouldn't lie - but, if he doesn't ask - I am not going to tell either. Frankly, I avoid the topic entirely, as too much truth can lead to bruised male egos.
You are ALWAYS free to ask, darlin, I just ain't gonna answer.
See, the thing I've learned also about this internet thing is that our words almost never go away - they are out here in cyberspace forever. I only put in writing those things I am okay with anyone in the world seeing - my 19 year old son included. He knows that my number is 3 & I'm gonna keep it that way! (cause, of course, it's the accurate number)
What i find funny, about this is that it seems that a mojority of woman are saying it matters. How ever, statistacally woman have more lovers than men. It's men who should be concerned if anything.
To me it doesn't necessarily matter, so long as they are up front about it. But if they LIE about it, then it matters.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Speaking of which...
