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I'm surprised there hasn't been more talk of exactly what moves the husband would be practicing with another woman. I mean, if you google "latin dancing" (in images), you can find some pretty questionable positions...
All those pics are competitive ballroom dancers, in their skimpy little competitive costumes.
I love how people who have never set foot in a ballroom studio nor attempted a dance are passing judgment on it. Don't necessarily mean Vic 2.0, just in general in this thread.
Many men today are doormats and pushovers. No wonder their wives and girlfriends dont respect them. SOMETIMES YOU CANT GIVE A WOMAN WHAT SHE SAYS SHE WANTS, IN ORDER TO GIVE HER WHAT SHE NEEDS. True Story.
I think I am just going to step out of this and let the women take this one. That sounds more like something you would apply to a child rather than a woman.
It's time for your friends to quit their dancing hobby all together, BOTH of them! It is getting in the way of their marriage, and they need to stay home and work on it! If they are going to friends for advice, there is TONS of problems in paradise!
Many men today are doormats and pushovers. No wonder their wives and girlfriends dont respect them. SOMETIMES YOU CANT GIVE A WOMAN WHAT SHE SAYS SHE WANTS, IN ORDER TO GIVE HER WHAT SHE NEEDS. True Story.
Says a man who isn't married, as recommendation for a man who is...
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiderGirl
All those pics are competitive ballroom dancers, in their skimpy little competitive costumes.
Okay, so what specifically is added in competitive dancing (other than the skimpy little costumes)? Is there no grabbing of the upper legs, or holding your crotch to your partners? Lol, I'm really curious. If you can guarantee me that it's classy nationwide unless a contest is under way, I'll take your word for it. I'm just trying to offer a different perspective here.
Jesus Christ, "fidelity"???? It's BALLROOM DANCING. You think everybody who dances with someone who isn't their spouse is also getting nasty with them? Insecure. Suspicious.
Excuse me. We are talking about two other people's marriage. I did not express my own personal relationship views. The point is that she is his wife, and it bothers HER a lot.. SHE is worried about fidelity. He needs to respect those concerns. I am actually not the jealous type myself. I think it's cute when somebody else flirts with my handsome husband, because I have complete trust in his fidelity.
Fidelity:
Faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support.
Sexual faithfulness to a spouse or partner.
It's not only about definition two.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redvelvet709
Do you and Jeff maybe see that if she refuses to practice with him, and he does go practice with another, that opens a window for potential problems? Why should she not practice with him??
It would be nice of her if she would practice with him. I think they should try to achieve a compromise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0
No no, that would be a problem, because she's made it clear that she would not be okay with that. If he ignores her and goes behind her back, they've got much bigger fish to fry than his perceived lack of grace on the dance floor.
If she won't, some woman will be glad too... and dancing isn't all she will want to do.
I am a woman. I wouldn't stop my husband from dancing with other women, but, to me dancing is a form of intimacy, and all my intimacy is for him, and his mine.
Wouldn't an instructor know how to switch from leading to following?
Like I say, we can argue over who can "just" do this and that all we want. Clearly, neither of the two are finding it easy to "just" do anything. I do hope the OP returns and gives us some more info. I feel there's got to be something to the question "Why won't the wife dance with him more often?" All we can do is guess at the answer so far. But it could be that she's too tired, too busy, doesn't want to burn out on dancing, or it's becoming less fun now that her partner is focusing so much on gettting "better".
Really, what sort of answer could there be that we could fault her for?
OP here. I'm not sure there is that much new information to provide. From what I understand of the situation, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that its less fun to her because he is focusing so much on getting better, but as Rider Girl has pointed out, the male has to learn to lead and to build muscle memory, so he needs to practice what he has learned.
My impression is that there is no sinister motive on either part. I don't think he has any ulterior motives, other than to get better at something he enjoys and the wife isn't refusing to practice, she just doesn't understand why they need to "overthink" this. To her you just put some music on and dance to a couple songs and you're done. He on the other hand wants to practice what they (and sometimes he - she doesn't always go to classes with him) learned in class or learn new moves. That can involve breaking a move down and figuring out what is working and what isn't.
BTW, the wife loves to dance, but she's much more of the free spirit type, who doesn't have a lot of patience for unnecessary structure.
My wife and I see it from two different angles, just like folks here. She believes that he should respect her discomfort. As a typical analytical guy, I can appreciate the guy's frustration. I do think he is making it "about him" in a way, but I also understand his point that as he gets better, they will get better as a couple.
Its funny how this is the issue that they're having a disagreement over, since to me dancing is such a great metaphor for marriage. You have two indpendent people who have to move together fluidly in order to make beautiful music together. Both of them have to subjugate their individuality to eac other. Seems like they may not necessarily be doing that.
I'm curious as to what folks here think. Also, say whether you are male or female.
I think it depends on why he wants to be a better dancer. If he's doing it for his wife when she already has stated it is good enough, then I'm with her. If he's doing it for himself and he wants to be proficient regardless of whether it is good enough for his wife, then I'm with him.
[he may have to take up another hobby like stamp collecting ]
OP here. I'm not sure there is that much new information to provide. From what I understand of the situation, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that its less fun to her because he is focusing so much on getting better, but as Rider Girl has pointed out, the male has to learn to lead and to build muscle memory, so he needs to practice what he has learned.
My impression is that there is no sinister motive on either part. I don't think he has any ulterior motives, other than to get better at something he enjoys and the wife isn't refusing to practice, she just doesn't understand why they need to "overthink" this. To her you just put some music on and dance to a couple songs and you're done. He on the other hand wants to practice what they (and sometimes he - she doesn't always go to classes with him) learned in class or learn new moves. That can involve breaking a move down and figuring out what is working and what isn't.
BTW, the wife loves to dance, but she's much more of the free spirit type, who doesn't have a lot of patience for unnecessary structure.
My wife and I see it from two different angles, just like folks here. She believes that he should respect her discomfort. As a typical analytical guy, I can appreciate the guy's frustration. I do think he is making it "about him" in a way, but I also understand his point that as he gets better, they will get better as a couple.
Its funny how this is the issue that they're having a disagreement over, since to me dancing is such a great metaphor for marriage. You have two indpendent people who have to move together fluidly in order to make beautiful music together. Both of them have to subjugate their individuality to eac other. Seems like they may not necessarily be doing that.
That changes my viewpoint a bit. People who are free spirits can be very annoying to those around them because of their (perceived) selfish desire to do whatever, whenever the mood strikes them. If she doesn't even go to all the lessons, how can they get better as a couple if only he is willing to go to all the lessons and practice?
Its funny how this is the issue that they're having a disagreement over, since to me dancing is such a great metaphor for marriage. You have two indpendent people who have to move together fluidly in order to make beautiful music together. Both of them have to subjugate their individuality to eac other. Seems like they may not necessarily be doing that.
And just like with dancing, the man is to assume the role of leader right away (as seen by some of the opinions on this thread)
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You think everybody who dances with someone who isn't their spouse is also getting nasty with them? Insecure. Suspicious.
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