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I started dating some time after a divorce and met a really nice guy who is about ten yrs younger than me (I am in my late 30s, he is in his late 20s). I didn't take it seriously at first, but its been about a year now and everything (was) going really well. We were making plans for the future, etc. etc. until this weekend.
I have some insecurities about the age difference, but for the most part it doesn't come up. Honestly, we don't look much different age-wise. People are always really surprised if we choose to tell them. I think about possible fall out in years to come, but we genuinely care for one another and enjoy each other's company. I am not unrealistic that this could be socially difficult for some but its never mattered that much in the grand scheme of things.
And that is the situation. My boyfriend went home to see his parents the weekend and spoke at length about our relationship (I had asked him not to go into detail until we decided if we were going to get serious. This was his first opportunity to share information.) I met his dad before we were dating and all was well, but it was a very casual meeting. I doubt he had any clue how much older I am than his son or evern gave it much thought. This weekend he told his mom and dad all about the age thing as well as some other details about my divorce that I would have rather kept private. He says its not a big deal to them, but I know that there has to be some pre-judgement, especially by his mom who hasn't met me.
I now feel really awkward and am considering ending the whole thing. I am not close to my family, and always feel like an interloper in other people's family gatherings-- this just sets up a humiliating time for future holidays and visits (of which a few are being planned.) I am upset that he would mention some of these things without thought to how they might make me feel or paint me to people who have not yet gotten to know me.
He says he is very sorry he made me feel awkward, but that his parents don't care and are just glad that he is happy. He tends toward a very optimistic viewpoint most of the time. I feel as though this has to an oversimplification.
YES. You're way overthinking it. You want to end otherwise great relationship, because youre assuming of things that havent been confirmed nor even hinted at? It doesnt make any sense at all. Age difference is only an issue if you choose it to be an issue. Who cares what others (his family included) think or may think? As long as the two of you are happy as a couple, roll with it. Age is only a number.
Apparently the parents are the left leaning liberal SoCal type. So okay, fine. But I don't think any parent wants their son dating someone a decade older and divorced. If that is all you hear about the person *before* meeting them, it can create a bias.
I would rather have had the meeting happen without any preconcieved notions rolling around. I am very gun shy about getting serious after my divorce, so this was a big step-- even telling the parents (he is close to his family.) I don't have any family to speak of, so I am hyperaware of making waves within happy families. I already feel enough like an outsider.
Moms out there. Say you have a son who is dating someone who is a decade older, divorced, (no kids), gainfully employed. Are you okay or not okay?
Now say your son says he wants to start a family with this person and do it within the next few years. Say he wants to move in with her or share expenses with her, bring her to your family gatherings and basically include her as part of your family. How do you feel now?
I admit I am insecure, yes. But I do think the demographics change the game as the relationship progresses. There may not be a future in it.
I started dating some time after a divorce and met a really nice guy who is about ten yrs younger than me (I am in my late 30s, he is in his late 20s). I didn't take it seriously at first, but its been about a year now and everything (was) going really well. We were making plans for the future, etc. etc. until this weekend.
I have some insecurities about the age difference, but for the most part it doesn't come up. Honestly, we don't look much different age-wise. People are always really surprised if we choose to tell them. I think about possible fall out in years to come, but we genuinely care for one another and enjoy each other's company. I am not unrealistic that this could be socially difficult for some but its never mattered that much in the grand scheme of things.
And that is the situation. My boyfriend went home to see his parents the weekend and spoke at length about our relationship (I had asked him not to go into detail until we decided if we were going to get serious. This was his first opportunity to share information.) I met his dad before we were dating and all was well, but it was a very casual meeting. I doubt he had any clue how much older I am than his son or evern gave it much thought. This weekend he told his mom and dad all about the age thing as well as some other details about my divorce that I would have rather kept private. He says its not a big deal to them, but I know that there has to be some pre-judgement, especially by his mom who hasn't met me.
I now feel really awkward and am considering ending the whole thing. I am not close to my family, and always feel like an interloper in other people's family gatherings-- this just sets up a humiliating time for future holidays and visits (of which a few are being planned.) I am upset that he would mention some of these things without thought to how they might make me feel or paint me to people who have not yet gotten to know me.
He says he is very sorry he made me feel awkward, but that his parents don't care and are just glad that he is happy. He tends toward a very optimistic viewpoint most of the time. I feel as though this has to an oversimplification.
Am I making too much of this?
Uh wait, from the title I thought there was going to be a problem. It sounds like a nice family.....
are you trying to cause problems?
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