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Sheesh...I've said it before and I'll say it again - if you can't trust your spouse, what was the point of getting married? We combined everything when we got married, makes our lives that much easier. Credit cards, checking accounts, etc. The only thing we didn't tie were our cars - hers was in her name, my jeep was in mine, the house stayed in her name until we refinanced, then we added mine. When we traded in my Jeep, her name went on the new one as well. The only thing that won't go in her name is my motorcycle - my old one wasn't in her name and my new one won't be either since she doesn't have a class M, the state gets a little twitchy about it.
To each his own, but if you're keeping your finances separate because you don't trust your spouse with money, you have bigger fish to fry. I trust her completely and I'm not dumb enough to buy something big without telling her first!
Sheesh...I've said it before and I'll say it again - if you can't trust your spouse, what was the point of getting married? We combined everything when we got married, makes our lives that much easier. Credit cards, checking accounts, etc. The only thing we didn't tie were our cars - hers was in her name, my jeep was in mine, the house stayed in her name until we refinanced, then we added mine. When we traded in my Jeep, her name went on the new one as well. The only thing that won't go in her name is my motorcycle - my old one wasn't in her name and my new one won't be either since she doesn't have a class M, the state gets a little twitchy about it.
To each his own, but if you're keeping your finances separate because you don't trust your spouse with money, you have bigger fish to fry. I trust her completely and I'm not dumb enough to buy something big without telling her first!
combining everything doesn't make people marriage 'approved.'
I work in accounting, and maybe because of this when I was married I kept everything separate.
Reason being: He had his own credit card debt when we got together, and I had my own credit cards. Considering one of the biggest arguments in a marriage is money and how it is spent, we wanted to nip this in the bud by avoiding the issue. This way he could spend his money how he saw fit, and I could spend mine as I saw fit, and there were no questions, as long as the bills were paid.
It has nothing to do with either one of us not trusting the other. In the end money however did end up being a problem when he had to file for bankruptcy and was afraid to tell me. I told him if he needed help financially, he should have asked me and I would have helped. However, this of course was not a money issue but a communication issue, since he was angry all of the time that he felt he couldn't provide for me in that manner and instead of telling me, shut down talking.
Sheesh...I've said it before and I'll say it again - if you can't trust your spouse, what was the point of getting married? We combined everything when we got married, makes our lives that much easier. Credit cards, checking accounts, etc. The only thing we didn't tie were our cars - hers was in her name, my jeep was in mine, the house stayed in her name until we refinanced, then we added mine. When we traded in my Jeep, her name went on the new one as well. The only thing that won't go in her name is my motorcycle - my old one wasn't in her name and my new one won't be either since she doesn't have a class M, the state gets a little twitchy about it.
To each his own, but if you're keeping your finances separate because you don't trust your spouse with money, you have bigger fish to fry. I trust her completely and I'm not dumb enough to buy something big without telling her first!
lol wtf. this is the type of guy that ends up killing himself when he finds out his wife's been sharing herself amongst men after 30 years of marriage.
the main reason i wouldn't do shared bank accounts isnt because of trust, but because i earned my money and thus i am free to do whatever i want with it. if i want to buy 100 pounds of whey protein, im going to do that because i worked for and earned that money. same applies for her. shared bank accounts = people start taking issue with how you spend money and telling you what to do with your money. i'm a full grown man i havent been told how to spend my money since i was in grade school and got an allowance.
shared bank accounts are for simps who bend over backwards for their women hoping to always stay on their good graces. lol@ me sharing my money with someone else. i wouldnt get with a broke woman either. i will not be leeched on, sirs
What are your thoughts on separate vs. joint accounts in marriage?
Me and my DH differ so much on how we manage money that it's causing a lot of strife. He has a lot of debt and recently surprised me with 5k in credit debt which I had to go into our savings to pay off. Also, he is not bringing in a lot of money, he makes less than 30k a year and is almost 30 years old and we live in one of the highest cost of living cities in the country. I was reading a Suze Orman article today in which she suggests, having both separate and joint accounts.
You know, you asked (on the first page) what the point of someone saying (essentially) "good luck with that" was.
I don't understand the point of people making extremely poor decisions in their marriage partners, getting into a completely foreseeable mess, and then come on random message boards/forums asking for how to put a bandaid on the aortic tear.
Unless this guy is willing to change his whole financial outlook and quit destroying your financial state, I don't know what kind of advice we can really offer. Even separate accounts is not really the answer...it will not end the strife and mayhem.
You married a child. Now unless he magically grows up, you are just going to have to deal with it.
You know, there are about five zillion threads on this subject already in this forum. But here goes:
In my opinion, it's a terrible idea to have separate accounts. Why?
1. Because it's not "My money" and "Your money." It's "Our money."
2. Marriage is a financial partnership as well as an emotional one. Either you are both all in, or the thing won't work. Holding out your money is a symbol that you're not fully committed.
3. I've never seen a marriage with separate banking accounts that didn't hit a speed bump of "Well, I paid more for groceries this month, so I should have to chip in for the power bill." It really does devolve towards that petty thing. I've actually heard married friends bickering in that way.
4. Holding back your own money not only demonstrates a lack of trust on your part, but it also creates opportunities for mistrust down the road. My wife knows exactly how much money I spend and on what. She knows I'm not tucking twenties in the g-string of some woman twirling down a pole or blowing it all on Gandy Dancer in the fifth at the track.
5. Having your own checking account creates the "It's my money so I can do with it as I please" mentality in many. So suddenly, Spouse A is splurging on items because, "It's my money."
6. In households with widely different salaries, it creates a situation where one spouse always has more money than the other. So much for equality in the marriage.
7. In households that function on a tight budget, you're always shifting money around from one account to another.
8. Separate checking account make joint investments, automatic drafts of mortgage payments, etc., a lot more difficult, chiefly because there's less money in each spouse's account than there would be in a single account.
9. If one spouse is a spendthrift, the other spouse will be clueless about it until it's too late. And if you think having a separate checking account insulates you from whatever financial problems a profligate spouse might have, well you're just kidding yourself.
10. Having a joint account gives you a far, far clearer picture of the state of your household finances at any given moment.
?
I usually agree with cpg, but in this case, I don't.
We've never once had an argument regarding my money or your money or whatever.
Some people can still see it as 'our money' without having to comingle it.
If you're really committed, why do you have to 'prove it' by putting it all in one account?
In our case, we can't/shouldn't do it anyway, because legally (and tax-wise), it would create a giant mess.
But you better believe we are 100% a team. And I trust her 110% with the money. And anyone can have or do whatever they want, because we both trust each other to look at the big picture with every decision we make.
You have to marry someone you trust and someone you respect financially. Otherwise, regardless of separate accounts or joint, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MARRYING THEM?!
lol wtf. this is the type of guy that ends up killing himself when he finds out his wife's been sharing herself amongst men after 30 years of marriage.
the main reason i wouldn't do shared bank accounts isnt because of trust, but because i earned my money and thus i am free to do whatever i want with it. if i want to buy 100 pounds of whey protein, im going to do that because i worked for and earned that money. same applies for her. shared bank accounts = people start taking issue with how you spend money and telling you what to do with your money. i'm a full grown man i havent been told how to spend my money since i was in grade school and got an allowance.
shared bank accounts are for simps who bend over backwards for their women hoping to always stay on their good graces. lol@ me sharing my money with someone else. i wouldnt get with a broke woman either. i will not be leeched on, sirs
Who says I'm being leached from? If I want to buy a $600 gun, I will. If she wants to spend $400 on clothes for crew (rowing), she will. Plus we can write it off since she's a coach. I don't tell her what to do, she doesn't tell me what to do. We do, however, tell eachother what we're doing. You'd best believe I talked to her when I decided I wanted a $35,000 Jeep.
I do find it funny that everyone assumes your partner is going to cheat. Says alot about your relationship.
"We do, however, tell eachother what we're doing. You'd best believe I talked to her when I decided I wanted a $35,000 Jeep."
thats where we differ. if i want to buy a 60k bmw i will and i dont have to 'alert' anyone of my decision or 'run it by' anyone like i'm an 8 year old looking to get a greenlight from my mom.
but if that kind of relationship works for you lol more power to u.
Lol...except in this thread and many real life examples I can think of, the man is the overspending boob.
I agree.
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