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About six months into my relationship, I made the decision that I would be moving to another state a few months later. Three months before the move, I told my boyfriend. He was understandably unhappy but we both agreed to enjoy the time we had left with the understanding that we would not try to hold up a long term relationship.
Here we are six weeks from the move and I'm wondering if keeping things going was a good idea. He's become increasingly mopey. He gets quiet when we're together and any time I ask him if he's alright, he gives me a fake, faint smile and tells me he's fine. He also has taken to constantly asking me if I'm okay at every little thing. It's driving me crazy and makes me want to avoid him just to escape the emotional guilt.
So is it possible to stay in a doomed relationship and still enjoy each others company? Or does the knowledge that the end is near make it impossible?
About six months into my relationship, I made the decision that I would be moving to another state a few months later. Three months before the move, I told my boyfriend. He was understandably unhappy but we both agreed to enjoy the time we had left with the understanding that we would not try to hold up a long term relationship.
Here we are six weeks from the move and I'm wondering if keeping things going was a good idea. He's become increasingly mopey. He gets quiet when we're together and any time I ask him if he's alright, he gives me a fake, faint smile and tells me he's fine. He also has taken to constantly asking me if I'm okay at every little thing. It's driving me crazy and makes me want to avoid him just to escape the emotional guilt.
So is it possible to stay in a doomed relationship and still enjoy each others company? Or does the knowledge that the end is near make it impossible?
Stop thinking you have a right to control anyone else's feelings or emotions.
You only have a right to control YOURS.
He is entitled to be sad and upset as the date for your departure gets closer.
If you don't care enough about him to be sensitive to that, break it off early, like NOW.
Unless, there is a chance of him moving with you or you changing your plans as far as moving, i think its a bad idea. Chances are, the longer you two are together, the more feelings you develop for each other, which will make the eventual break up that much harder. A clean break asap is what i would shoot for, if i were in your shoes.
About six months into my relationship, I made the decision that I would be moving to another state a few months later. Three months before the move, I told my boyfriend. He was understandably unhappy but we both agreed to enjoy the time we had left with the understanding that we would not try to hold up a long term relationship.
Here we are six weeks from the move and I'm wondering if keeping things going was a good idea. He's become increasingly mopey. He gets quiet when we're together and any time I ask him if he's alright, he gives me a fake, faint smile and tells me he's fine. He also has taken to constantly asking me if I'm okay at every little thing. It's driving me crazy and makes me want to avoid him just to escape the emotional guilt.
So is it possible to stay in a doomed relationship and still enjoy each others company? Or does the knowledge that the end is near make it impossible?
I think it was good that you told him but unfortunately it appears he was not honest with himself about it. That is, I think he thought he could easily walk away or maybe hoped that you would change your mind.
Knowing that there is no future in the relationship, I think I would have dissolved the relationship.
Stop thinking you have a right to control anyone else's feelings or emotions.
You only have a right to control YOURS.
He is entitled to be sad and upset as the date for your departure gets closer.
If you don't care enough about him to be sensitive to that, break it off early, like NOW.
How am I trying to control his feelings? I understand his being unhappy, but how does it help anyone to mope about it? I want to enjoy the time we have left but he seems incapable of that. I just wonder if I was naive in thinking two people can stay happy in our situation.
I think that if you had no intention to carry the relationship on once you moved to the new state then it would have been much kinder just to break up with the guy before you ever left. It seems like you guys are just trying to enjoy the time you have left before you leave which might seem like a good idea on paper but in reality it is only delaying the inevitable.
How am I trying to control his feelings? I understand his being unhappy, but how does it help anyone to mope about it? I want to enjoy the time we have left but he seems incapable of that. I just wonder if I was naive in thinking two people can stay happy in our situation.
By judging him for his "moping" and expecting him to "want to enjoy the time we have left", you are trying to control him and the situation.
If you can't deal with his feelings, then make a break now, though don't expect him to feel okay about that either.
At least he'd be out of sight and you wouldn't have to be uncomfortable watching him grieve
By judging him for his "moping" and expecting him to "want to enjoy the time we have left", you are trying to control him and the situation.
If you can't deal with his feelings, then make a break now, though don't expect him to feel okay about that either.
At least he'd be out of sight and you wouldn't have to be uncomfortable watching him grieve
Judging? Controlling? You're so dramatic and accusatory. That's not what's happening at all. We both talked about my leaving and we both agreed to enjoy our time together. In fact, he was the one concerned whether or not I would be capable of being happy together and now he's the one who is falling into a depression over it. If he couldn't be happy, why did he agree to this?
Which is why I think I'll ask him if he's happy in this relationship or if we would be better off apart. Thanks to those who offered advice rather than ignorant accusations.
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