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I have been happily married for 30 years, but my spouse has a major depressive disorder requiring a multitude of heavy duty psychiatric meds which has rendered her, especially in the past few years, sexually frigid. We have had intimate relations about 4 times in the past 3 years. I take my wedding vowels serious - "through sickness and health" and have been and plan on continuing to be 100% faithful, but it's not easy.
Curious if anyone else is in a similar situation, and how you are dealing with it.
I'm not in that situation, but I guess it's like anything else where you have a spouse that's unwilling/unable to be intimate.
You have to decide whether you can live with staying and remaining basically celibate or staying and making arrangements for intimacy outside your marriage...or going.
Have you discussed this with your wife?
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Not only is she fighting her depression, but her meds also work against her. There are all kinds of side effects with anti-depressant medication that make intimacy close to impossible, emotionally and physically.
I also am interested in whether you've talked about it with her and how she feels. Does she say she wants it to change?
Not only is she fighting her depression, but her meds also work against her. There are all kinds of side effects with anti-depressant medication that make intimacy close to impossible, emotionally and physically.
I also am interested in whether you've talked about it with her and how she feels. Does she say she wants it to change?
She doesn't like it - wants to be intimate - but without the meds, her depression likewise kills any interest in intimacy. So it's a no-win situation
I think the real question is this: does she need to be really into it to be close to you and fulfill your needs now and then?
Not saying she should be forcing it all the time, just wondering why she's not willing to now and then for the sake of your marriage.
I appreciate your question here, and perhaps she would be more willing to "put up with me" than what I have pressed, but on the other hand, it's not the greatest turn on to engage in relations with someone who I know is not into it in the least and is not gaining any enjoyment. But, it's worth some discussion. Thanks.
I appreciate your question here, and perhaps she would be more willing to "put up with me" than what I have pressed, but on the other hand, it's not the greatest turn on to engage in relations with someone who I know is not into it in the least and is not gaining any enjoyment. But, it's worth some discussion. Thanks.
Well, you cannot reasonably expect your wife to be really into it if she isn't.
That's the only reason I brought it up. If she doesn't know how important sexual intimacy is to you (at least now and then) how can she make an informed decision?
Perhaps, in being so understanding, you've given her the impression that it's not something you need.
Just a thought.
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There are no easy answers to this one. As you've been married for 30 years I'm guessing your in your 50's. Any potential options have issues....
1) Just live with it. Maybe discuss it with her doctor and see if there can be a change in meds. Or maybe see if there isn't something that can get her interested in sex occasionally.
2) Masturbate. I know, meh. Who really wants to say 'I love you" to their left hand.
3) A prostitute. Cost, disease, the icky factor... Not a good option, really.
4) A mistress or concubine. Were it me, the feeling of cheating on my wife would kill me.
One thing I will say in conclusion... whatever you do, don't turn to porn. It simply destroys people and relationships. Every guy I know who is hooked on it has either ruined their marriages or turned into a giant loser as a result. And for all you guys on here who love porn, it's fair to presume you're.... well, never mind.
To me, the perfect marriage would be one where sex wasn't involved; I don't enjoy it and never have. I'd encourage my SO to seek out that sort of intimacy elsewhere, as long as they came home to me afterwards.
Indeed BigDGeek, if only others could have such a selfless attitude. This could be the answer if she was willing to do this. With all the will in the world you would have to convince her that you'd always come back.
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