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Just curious, are we talking about a woman who has a baby, who is also temporarily out of work for a fixed time period (i.e., on paid maternity leave, for example), or a woman who has left the workplace indefinitely until further notice to raise a baby full-time? (I guess I was assuming the former when I had posted earlier in the thread about it, because my employer has things like FMLA with paid maternity leave option? In this case, the mother would be not working for a given period of time, but also compensated while on paid leave -- so a wife and a husband could, in theory as I believe as mentioned by another poster, split the costs for the baby 50-50, while still maintaining separate accounts, yes?)
ETA: The whole thing about a future hypothetical wife asking for additional funds / money would potentially arise if her account funds were insufficient for whatever reason, for her portion of the child care costs, naturally. "Asking" is therefore in no way meant to be demeaning, to her -- I operate the same exact way, for taking care of my non-spousal, immediate family members, who are financially dependent, on me -- if they need additional money, I give it to them, with no problems at all. (At the same time, in my case, I am also making *all* household payments for them, with the only exceptions being their own specific food costs, gasoline, and car insurance fees, which they cover. Their financial resources are very limited, so they pay as much as they can to those costs, and I pay everything else, including monthly mortgage, all utilities, cable TV, water bill, etc. So I don't see why the same type of arrangement, could not also work for a potential future spouse...as in, she would pay certain fixed costs every month, such as say food for example, and I would cover all other expenses. Easy long-term solution with minimal hassle, complications, or micromanagement needed, in MHO )
I was the poster who originally brought up the subject of not wanting to be put in a position of having to ask for money to pay for baby related expenses. Many companies do not have paid maternity leave. Even with careful planning, a woman might be out of work longer than she planned. I was on physician ordered bedrest for part of one my pregnancies.
Whether you think asking is meant to be demeaning or not, or whatever your planned scenario is, I am glad I was not in the scenario of having to ask. Many years later I would frankly see it as a pain having to ask my spouse for "his" share of expenses related to the kids.
People are free to do whatever they like...your scenario wouldn't work for me. What if there is an emergency and your baby needs an $80 antibiotic? The wife has to wait until you release the funds to pick up the medication?
Just curious, are we talking about a woman who has a baby, who is also temporarily out of work for a fixed time period (i.e., on paid maternity leave, for example), or a woman who has left the workplace indefinitely until further notice to raise a baby full-time? (I guess I was assuming the former when I had posted earlier in the thread about it, because my employer has things like FMLA with paid maternity leave option? In this case, the mother would be not working for a given period of time, but also compensated while on paid leave -- so a wife and a husband could, in theory as I believe as mentioned by another poster, split the costs for the baby 50-50, while still maintaining separate accounts, yes?)
FMLA doesn't pay you. It protects you from losing your job while you are out on medical leave. Paid maternity leave is up to your employer and some don't offer it. Some employers require you use your personal, vacation and sick time as your "pay" if you don't qualify for paid short-term disability. Depending on the size of the company, some are exempt from offering any kind of benefits at all.
Now, onto your question...yes I was referring to a woman who has left the workplace indefinitely to raise the child. Not all couples want/need to put their children in a daycare setting. This is something that should be discussed before having a baby (and I would even say before getting married...know what the expectations are).
We decided the best option for our family would be for me to stay home. NEVER have I had to ask him for money, report my spending to him or justify a purchase. It's demeaning. There is no "his portion of funds" and "her portion of funds". Everything is joint and equal, even whatever debt we have..what's mine is his and what's his is mine.
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Originally Posted by capitol
you might not be, your greedy ass lawyer will be. trust me. The lawyer will tell you what to do and chances are you will listen since the incentives state you should listen.
I'm not a puppet controlled by strings (laywer). I wouldn't give a rats hiney what my lawyer suggested. Marital assets would be split 50/50 and anything prior to the union would go back to the original owner. At the end of the day, it would be on my conscience and I would feel horribly guilty. There is no incentive for being a greedy witch and taking what wasn't mine.
Folks.. really anyone can mistype a word. I have deleted way too many posts on the misspelling of the title of this thread. Why not just report it and ask that it be fixed?
I have fixed the title and I hope you all will report a thread next time there is a misspelling instead of making a big deal out of a little mistake
NYC is no place for a ride like that. Camaros need some open road to be done proper. In June, I rented a 2011 Camaro SS for my birthday and drove it from Louisville to Charlotte and back Doing 80-85 (70 mph on I-75) in most of KY and TN, THAT, my friend, was living the dream.
You're right. I was 18 and didn't care for that car as I should have. Nice rental, tho!
In today's society, assuing that I am a non-religious person, if I established a loving relationship with a woman, I would forget marriage, not live together, and just have a great relationship but separate residences. WhY?
Very likely we'd get a divorce, and that can lead to all kinds of problems. Breakup of a relationship with separate residences is far simpler.
There is no way you can tell what the person you are marrying will or might do in the future. People can be very deceitful. Watch, "Happiliy Never After" or "who the Bleep did I marry" for further information. Money can be a huge motivation for people to do all kinds of things, not all good. If one of the parties in a couple has significant assets, he or she needs to be very weary of potential mates. Even if the other person has more than you. I've known quite a few rich people. I've never met one that didn't want more money.
Men should not trust prenups. Since the family courts tend to be prejudiced toward women, the wife can claim she signed the Prenup under duress, and the prenup can just be thrown out.
I'm a very religious person and don't even believe in sex before marriage, so I wouldn't personally advise this or do this myself, but just my observations from the other side of the fence.
I was the poster who originally brought up the subject of not wanting to be put in a position of having to ask for money to pay for baby related expenses. Many companies do not have paid maternity leave. Even with careful planning, a woman might be out of work longer than she planned. I was on physician ordered bedrest for part of one my pregnancies.
Whether you think asking is meant to be demeaning or not, or whatever your planned scenario is, I am glad I was not in the scenario of having to ask. Many years later I would frankly see it as a pain having to ask my spouse for "his" share of expenses related to the kids.
People are free to do whatever they like...your scenario wouldn't work for me. What if there is an emergency and your baby needs an $80 antibiotic? The wife has to wait until you release the funds to pick up the medication?
The only question I would ask my husband if the kind of thinking seen in this thread surfaced is which foot should I shove up his ass.
Can you give some specific examples of what you mean? Guideline of community property is too vague. eta: are you meaning something like an inheritance?
The problem with trying to answer this question is that marital property laws depend on the state you're in. In some states, ANYTHING one person acquires after marriage becomes marital property -- income you earn, inheritance, gifts you receive, stuff you buy. In some states, marital property excludes inheritance & gifts. Some states have no concept of joint marital property.
And each state can define what happens to joint marital property, however that's defined.
So a prenup should address, based on the laws of your state, what happens to (a) property you each had individually prior to the marriage and (b) property acquired by either of you during the marriage. The latter could say that you retain the right to separate property, there is no joint property, and should the marriage dissolve, you take what YOU individually acquired. It could say that you split joint property 50/50. It could say you split it 80/20. It could say that wife gets houses, husband gets cars & cash. It's entirely up to you to specify, within the boundaries of the laws of your state.
I am a huge proponent of a pre-nup. I've had one. It was the best thing we ever did, and we were happily married until he died.
In my experience, the people who criticized me for having one and "not trusting your husband" were the very same people who bi***ed mightily and regularly about their spouse's spending habits or having to ask for money from him/her. I laughed -- mostly to myself, but sometimes in their face.
I was the poster who originally brought up the subject of not wanting to be put in a position of having to ask for money to pay for baby related expenses. Many companies do not have paid maternity leave. Even with careful planning, a woman might be out of work longer than she planned. I was on physician ordered bedrest for part of one my pregnancies.
An excellent point -- if it were ever the case where a hypothetical wife was out of work longer than expected, then I would just increase my own portion of covering childcare costs, as the father, to adjust for it. For example, the wife who was out of work and undergoing bedrest would contribute whatever she was reasonably able to, and I would take care of everything else. Easy solution
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Whether you think asking is meant to be demeaning or not, or whatever your planned scenario is, I am glad I was not in the scenario of having to ask. Many years later I would frankly see it as a pain having to ask my spouse for "his" share of expenses related to the kids.
Please keep in mind, I would automatically be taking care of at least 50% (if not more) of the childcare expenses on my end, depending on a wife's specific resources. For instance, if she was making say $30k a year at her job and I was making say $100k, then naturally, it is only fair that I pay more towards childcare, since I am would already be making more. In this particular case, I might cover say around 70%, while she might cover 30% -- that would only be fair to her, as it would not be fair or equitable in that case for me to expect her and I to split things 50-50. I would never be unfair or stingy about my financial obligations and duties, to any future wife and children; they are family (Lol see, I am not an unfair person here )
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People are free to do whatever they like...your scenario wouldn't work for me. What if there is an emergency and your baby needs an $80 antibiotic? The wife has to wait until you release the funds to pick up the medication?
Another excellent point, which I will readily admit I had not immediately thought of -- if that were the case, the only thing I can really think of right now to potentially remedy if both partners are having seperate accounts that would be for to put the $80 emergency payment on one of her credit cards, and I would reimburse her for the expense as rapidly as possible by paying her back. Again, I have done similar arrangements with immediate / non-spousal family. (Keeping in mind that the emergency scenario as cited above would almost always of course happen relatively infrequently enough so as not to actually become a serious issue.)
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 08-22-2012 at 07:52 AM..
Reason: Fixed typos
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(I guess I was assuming the former when I had posted earlier in the thread about it, because my employer has things like FMLA with paid maternity leave option? In this case, the mother would be not working for a given period of time, but also compensated while on paid leave -- so a wife and a husband could, in theory as I believe as mentioned by another poster, split the costs for the baby 50-50, while still maintaining separate accounts, yes?) 
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