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I'm 26 and my girlfriend is 30 with two boys aged 4 and 6.
We have been together for about 6 months now and our relationship is great. We get on extremely well and I have never had such a connection with someone before. I love spending time with her and we have a lot in common but there are some issues regarding her children.
First of all, I am Muslim and my mother is completely against our relationship because she is a non-muslim who has had children out of wedlock. She hasn't even met my girlfriend and is judging her without meeting her first. She thinks that the only reason she is with me is because I can be the person who will provide for her and her kids. She also wants me to marry a Muslim girl who is younger and has no children. She also said that I should have the chance to start my own family and not walk into a ready made one. Her other issue is the fact that my girlfriend and her kids are not Muslim and how I would be able to raise my child (if we had one) Muslim when her/his brothers are not. My girlfriend has not ruled out converting and I would never force her to. If she was to, then I would want her to it from her heart and not because of me.
Their father is hardly in their lives and they only sees him once a month in a contact centre for a couple of hours. They never talk or ask about him but when I am not around they ask about me all the time and jump on as soon as walk through the door.
Its seems they are bonding with me very well but i dont feel like I have not bonded with them as well as i thought i would. When i'm not around, I hardly ever think about them. When we all went to an amusement park for the day or even when we go to the park i tend to feel really uncomfortable and I don't want to be there or do anything with them unless its in their house where no one can see. I feel like people are watching and judging me... as if they think i'm a complete idiot for even considering being with someone with children fathered by someone else. Is this normal????
I am very proud person and I am a firm believer that the male takes care of home. He is the one who provides security financially and emotionally.
I want to be with my girlfriend and I do see a future but I feel all these issues are getting in the way of us being truly happy within our relationship.
I really want to make this work but I feel that whenever I try and open a door, I find it locked.
I am at loss here and I would really appreciate some advice on how I can move forward positively.
I'm 26 and my girlfriend is 30 with two boys aged 4 and 6.
We have been together for about 6 months now and our relationship is great. We get on extremely well and I have never had such a connection with someone before. I love spending time with her and we have a lot in common but there are some issues regarding her children.
First of all, I am Muslim and my mother is completely against our relationship because she is a non-muslim who has had children out of wedlock. She hasn't even met my girlfriend and is judging her without meeting her first. She thinks that the only reason she is with me is because I can be the person who will provide for her and her kids. She also wants me to marry a Muslim girl who is younger and has no children. She also said that I should have the chance to start my own family and not walk into a ready made one. Her other issue is the fact that my girlfriend and her kids are not Muslim and how I would be able to raise my child (if we had one) Muslim when her/his brothers are not. My girlfriend has not ruled out converting and I would never force her to. If she was to, then I would want her to it from her heart and not because of me.
Their father is hardly in their lives and they only sees him once a month in a contact centre for a couple of hours. They never talk or ask about him but when I am not around they ask about me all the time and jump on as soon as walk through the door.
Its seems they are bonding with me very well but i dont feel like I have not bonded with them as well as i thought i would. When i'm not around, I hardly ever think about them. When we all went to an amusement park for the day or even when we go to the park i tend to feel really uncomfortable and I don't want to be there or do anything with them unless its in their house where no one can see. I feel like people are watching and judging me... as if they think i'm a complete idiot for even considering being with someone with children fathered by someone else. Is this normal????
I am very proud person and I am a firm believer that the male takes care of home. He is the one who provides security financially and emotionally.
I want to be with my girlfriend and I do see a future but I feel all these issues are getting in the way of us being truly happy within our relationship.
I really want to make this work but I feel that whenever I try and open a door, I find it locked.
I am at loss here and I would really appreciate some advice on how I can move forward positively.
She is a package deal. You can't change that.
The bolded makes it sound like you aren't willing to accept her children. Please do this girl a favor and end this relationship.
If you're becoming close with these kids and you don't know if you're coming or going, it might be a good idea to back off. You wouldn't want them to get attached and then disappoint by leaving. Imo, you're a bit too young for this.
If you're becoming close with these kids and you don't know if you're coming or going, it might be a good idea to back off. You wouldn't want them to get attached and then disappoint by leaving. Imo, you're a bit too young for this.
He is too young? Interesting I was 25 when I had my first kid. But true they aren't his and that makes a difference.
Don't get me wrong I agree with your post for the most part.
He is too young? Interesting I was 25 when I had my first kid. But true they aren't his and that makes a difference.
Don't get me wrong I agree with your post for the most part.
Physical age doesn't always match up with maturity. He seems young to me, like he's experimenting as people do when they're young. Then there's the role his own mom is playing.
The big question: was she married before (at what age)? Did she have those kids out of wedlock?
Why does that even matter at this point?
It doesn't change the fact that she has 2 children and he's not comfortable with that. It's a moot point if you ask me.
He's already having issues with the fact that he would have an instant family should he continue on with her. When she got married and her status when she had the kids isn't going to change the fact that he's not really wanting to be part of her family.
It doesn't change the fact that she has 2 children and he's not comfortable with that. It's a moot point if you ask me.
He's already having issues with the fact that he would have an instant family should he continue on with her. When she got married and her status when she had the kids isn't going to change the fact that he's not really wanting to be part of her family.
If she was never married, I would tell him to leave her right now. If she was married at 18, I would tell him to reconsider his relationship since she proved to be impulsive in decision making. He also has to know if the kids were planned and if not how it happened.
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Interesting I was 25 when I had my first kid. But true they aren't his and that makes a difference.
