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I am....I have come to realize that there are many, MANY men out there who are really good hearted, w/ good intentions.
Then I get to know them, & realize I can't take on their drama--such as living in their past, constantly re-opening old wounds, etc.
Guys can be more addicted to drama than women it seems.
So I keep 'em at a distance, & keep movin' on
me too, this is oh so true. i have done much work (meaning self-examination, reflection, putting things into perspective with the benefit of hindsight in a personally responsible and accountable way) to release my past and thus i truly have very little of what most people regard as 'baggage'. so i refuse to take on anyone else's, especially if tehy just dumped it in a big pile and called it 'moving on'. the men i meet who are looking for a romantic relationship always seem to be looking for something outside themselves to make them happy. to heal their old wounds, or at least make them forget their past. ironically, they are still living in their past, regardless of their conviction that they've moved on. i call it looking for a someone to fill the woman-shaped hole in their lives. i have pretty much given up hope of meeting a man who wants more than that. not saying they don't exist, but i haven't a damn clue where they are, lol.
it's dangerous to get involved with anyone who hasn't faced their past and learned from it. and when i say learned from it, i mean learned about themselves from it, NOT learned to steer clear of certain kinds of women, or learned how to avoid saying the 'wrong' things to a woman, or learned to avoid doing the 'wrong' things in a relationship etc.
does anybody out there really truly feel they *know* themselves better as a result of prior relationships, and understand that *this* is what's important? *this* is how you let go of your past and move on, this is how you grow and become the kind of person that can actually *participate* in the development of a healthy relationship with someone new?
i dunno...all i can say is that i can see through the pretense in about 5 minutes when a man tells me he's learned from his past mistakes. i listen keenly when he tells me that, and all it usually means is that he's learned to play the game better. learned how to flatter a woman better, learned how to present himself to her better, learned how to speak of his ex in a way that doesn't make him sound bitter or resentful. he feels himself sincere, with good intentions....and he is in degree...he sincerely wants a new relationship and intends to make it work this time. but he doesn't recognize his own insincerity, in that he has learned only to change the most shallow of things about himself, in order to make himself seem more attractive and capable of being in a relationship. he hasn't truly spent any time in self examination, and has merely examined events and circumstances in order to avoid those events and circumstances in the future. it never works though, because he doesn't understand that events and circumstances are effects, and NOT root cause.
for most people, (women included) it would seem that learning from past experience means nothing more than understanding the strategic errors they or their partner made in their last relationship....they learn from the symptoms, not the causes, and so are destined to repeat the same mistakes over again.
if i ever met anyone who understands that they themselves are root cause, and that circumstances and events are merely the effects, someone who understands that real personal growth isn't about surface behavioral modification....then i'd be genuinely interested in seeing if there was some potential. otherwise....yeah i'm out.
me too, this is oh so true. i have done much work (meaning self-examination, reflection, putting things into perspective with the benefit of hindsight in a personally responsible and accountable way) to release my past and thus i truly have very little of what most people regard as 'baggage'. so i refuse to take on anyone else's, especially if tehy just dumped it in a big pile and called it 'moving on'. the men i meet who are looking for a romantic relationship always seem to be looking for something outside themselves to make them happy. to heal their old wounds, or at least make them forget their past. ironically, they are still living in their past, regardless of their conviction that they've moved on. i call it looking for a someone to fill the woman-shaped hole in their lives. i have pretty much given up hope of meeting a man who wants more than that. not saying they don't exist, but i haven't a damn clue where they are, lol.
it's dangerous to get involved with anyone who hasn't faced their past and learned from it. and when i say learned from it, i mean learned about themselves from it, NOT learned to steer clear of certain kinds of women, or learned how to avoid saying the 'wrong' things to a woman, or learned to avoid doing the 'wrong' things in a relationship etc.
does anybody out there really truly feel they *know* themselves better as a result of prior relationships, and understand that *this* is what's important? *this* is how you let go of your past and move on, this is how you grow and become the kind of person that can actually *participate* in the development of a healthy relationship with someone new?
i dunno...all i can say is that i can see through the pretense in about 5 minutes when a man tells me he's learned from his past mistakes. i listen keenly when he tells me that, and all it usually means is that he's learned to play the game better. learned how to flatter a woman better, learned how to present himself to her better, learned how to speak of his ex in a way that doesn't make him sound bitter or resentful. he feels himself sincere, with good intentions....and he is in degree...he sincerely wants a new relationship and intends to make it work this time. but he doesn't recognize his own insincerity, in that he has learned only to change the most shallow of things about himself, in order to make himself seem more attractive and capable of being in a relationship. he hasn't truly spent any time in self examination, and has merely examined events and circumstances in order to avoid those events and circumstances in the future. it never works though, because he doesn't understand that events and circumstances are effects, and NOT root cause.
for most people, (women included) it would seem that learning from past experience means nothing more than understanding the strategic errors they or their partner made in their last relationship....they learn from the symptoms, not the causes, and so are destined to repeat the same mistakes over again.
if i ever met anyone who understands that they themselves are root cause, and that circumstances and events are merely the effects, someone who understands that real personal growth isn't about surface behavioral modification....then i'd be genuinely interested in seeing if there was some potential. otherwise....yeah i'm out.
Well said. You should charge us for this post! Excellent excellent post for both men and women.
But if (god forbid) something happened and I was suddenly single again, I don't know if I'd want to wade through the morass of utter crap that is out there in the dating world.
I'd probably just raise my son and focus on family and close friends and my dog.
I don't know.... I married the wrong person for the wrong reason so it turned out all wrong....lol That has left me a little broken. I would love to find the right person and get married again. However, sometimes it seems like I am going to be single forever.... It's not as easy in my 30's (with two children) as it was in my free and fun 20's to date. sigh....
that'll be 2 cents, tn2a2, i'll just put it on your tab.
Just two cents? Lol in that case I may have to hit you up for some more valuable insight. In all seriousness, because of this post..I read your other posts. You speak a lot of wisdom and of things that I am somewhat familiar with and believe in. Have you ever read the book , "The Power of Now" a lot of insight that you have is in that very book.
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Idk...
