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I'm going to try and explain my situation as best as I can, I've never posted here before so bare with me please.
My husband doesn't seem interested in me sexually anymore and I'm really having trouble dealing with it. He used to have such a high sex drive, higher than most guys I'd ever been with, and over the past few months it has just dwindled down to pretty much non existent. I have confronted him about it, I've told him I don't understand why he has zero interest in sex anymore, he tells me that it's just difficult for him because he works out of town 2 weeks of the month and has to switch that mentality off when he's not with me, so when he comes back home the other 2 weeks of the month he's just so used to not thinking about sex at all that it just doesn't really cross his mind.....I do understand that a bit, but I don't think it's an excuse to just stop having sex with me.
We are still young hes 37 and I'm 26, in good shape, I'm not an unattractive woman, though these past few months his lack of interest in me has made me feel horrible about myself. I am also pregnant. I thought maybe he finds me repulsive at the moment due to my pregnant belly perhaps? I don't know, and if that is the case maybe it will go away after I give birth, but it's just really hard to deal with at the moment. I have sat him down and asked him what I could do to make him more sexual again or get his old sex drive back. I encouraged him to maybe watch more porn or masturbate more, anything to get his mind stimulated. He tells me anytime I want it that I can have it, and this is true, if I come onto him he will have sex with me, but I couldn't tell you the last time he actually initiated it. So I just sort of stopped trying because it makes me sad to feel like the only one who wants it, I'd rather just not do it at all if I'm the only one who ever initiates it.
I cry a lot about it at night when he's asleep, this situation has made me so sad because I don't know what else I can do? I mean I have talked to him, told him what my needs were and that they weren't being met. He seems to listen but still doesn't want me sexually after...So I just don't know what to do or think and I'm hoping some of you may have some good advice. He's a good man, works very hard ( a bit too much), is kind, this is really the only problem I have with him and I feel like he's not taking what I'm saying to him seriously, otherwise wouldn't he be doing more to show me he's still into me sexually? I can't have a sexless marriage, it is very important to me. And right now, this is the first time in my life I have ever felt completely unwanted by my partner, and it's a horrible feeling...What do I do?
As a male, everything affects us. Worries about money or about work, different medicines, golf scores, etc.
I know you have to take it personally because it affects you but he is likely consumed about something else. Likely trying to give the child the best home.
I definitely think work could be consuming him, but I guess I just want to know how long do I sit back and just not get sex? At what point does this stop or does it? Not sure what the best course of action to take is since talking with him clearly doesn't get me anywhere..
Maybe you should try this...dress up nicely....ambush him ..i mean surprise him when he get off from work..with some surprise move...no need to elaborate more
It sounds to me like you are pressuring him way too much right now. With you being pregnant your hormones are raging and he is still in work mode when he gets home. Give him a day or so to relax after he gets home, when my husband gets off the road for a few days the first thing he does is eat, take a shower then sleep for about 12 hours in his own bed, in his own home. When he gets up he is relaxed, refreshed and ready for anything but he has been given the uninterrupted time he needs to do what he needs to do to relax and just be home.
It sounds to me like you are pressuring him way too much right now. With you being pregnant your hormones are raging and he is still in work mode when he gets home. Give him a day or so to relax after he gets home, when my husband gets off the road for a few days the first thing he does is eat, take a shower then sleep for about 12 hours in his own bed, in his own home. When he gets up he is relaxed, refreshed and ready for anything but he has been given the uninterrupted time he needs to do what he needs to do to relax and just be home.
Some women had the opposite problem. I recall reading on a pregnancy blog's comments (I Googled and was looking at a news article about an actress someone posted on that site and there was an interesting link on the sidebar which turned out to be this issue) quite a few women were depressed and moody when they got pregnant. They had zero libido, even worse than before. I haven't had a baby yet but yeah, I think I'd rather have that than OP's scenario since I'm used to being depressed. Another guy (!!!) posted saying that whenever his wife wanted sex, she had that with him... every single day.
Don't know what else to add. Every single person who had this problem had a willing partner. You're probably just going to have to wait 'til after you pop.
i doubt very much that he is no longer attracted to you, or that he finds your growing belly repulsive.
i wonder if it's all because he's feeling the pressure of the responsibilities tied to becoming a father and raising a family? that is a heavy burden for a man to bear, and it could all be overwhelming him a little...or a lot. have you talked about doing the nursery yet, and how does he respond when you bring that up? that might give you a clue...if he's all happy and enthusiastic or seems disinterested or too tired or too busy or some other excuse for getting involved. either way, it might provide an opportunity to talk about whether or not he is feeling (the very natural and normal) anxiety about becoming a father. i have a friend whose husband was all bent out of shape during her pregnancy because his friends complained of being put on the back burner since the birth of their child, and they didn't feel as important to their wives anymore, except to bring home a paycheck. it's possible he needs reassurance from you that it won't happen to him, that you guys are in this parenthood thing together and will both share the responsibilities. i dunno really, just throwing possibilities out there.
has your relationship gotten all serious lately? do you guys still laugh and joke and have fun together? if not, maybe try injecting some light hearted silliness into the time you spend together. don't ask him for sex or expect sex, just make sure the two of you are doing something together that lets you feel really connected to each other in a non-sexual way. maybe it could even be teamwork of some kind, doing the nursery if he's into it, if he's not yet, don't get all sulky on him, give him time to adjust to all the impending responsibilities he is probably thinking about.
in my experience, aside from make-up sex, nothing inspires a good old fun romp like spending time together during the day doing something new and/or spontaneous, or working together towards a common goal...as long as it's not some kind of major project that is likely to cause frustration and start an argument...you know, like home renos, lol.
i wish you all the best, i'm not sure if any advice i offered was of any help, i just truly hope that someone in this thread has advice for you that is right on the money for your situation. conflict of any kind in a marriage is tough, but it truly has the potential to strengthen your relationship and fuel the passion between you like nothing else can. try to see it this time as an opportunity for your love and commitment to each other to deepen, the right attitude is crucial to getting through such trying times successfully. sounds to me like you have a pretty great marriage that's just going through a bit of a rocky phase. i have a strong sense that you will look back on this and realize how beneficial and even necessary this all was to go through with him.
Maybe he has a "madonna complex" and feel uncomfortable having sex with a pregnant woman, or is afraid of hurting the baby during intercourse. Most men that had been gone 2 weeks would be horny and ready for sex when they got home. Sit him down and see if you can get a straight answer.
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