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I can't help but feel this way toward her. I love her so much that I would give up anything for her . I've known her for more than 10 years and now we are both 21 . We have been together through thick and thin, never once did I leave her side, I've been there when she lost her mother, she has been there for me when I first come out as a bi-sexual.
I've always been the cornerstone in her life .I am always there whenever she would need a shoulder to lean or cry on.We are so close that people keep teasing us about being twins. But lately I cannot take it anymore.
Whenever I see her with her new boyfriend,whenever she mentions his name, I can't help but get jealous; furiously jealous . I tried to rationalize with myself over and over that her happiness is my happiness however there is this part of me that would never listen and screams at me to just grab her and kiss her senseless.
I know she loves me and she does care deeply for me but I know too that I will never be anything more that a " best friend " and it pains me greatly . Recently she has been scolding me for being distant and absent-minded and that she wants " the lovely cheerful " me back because she misses my smile .
Being with her is painful but being away from her is ten times worse . What should I do ? I have this feeling that if I confessed to her things will get worse . Sometimes I get this urge to just go and tell her then cry myself out and yell at her for stealing my heart away .
Would it be better if I just move out ?
Unfortunately if she's straight you're never going to have a romantic relationship. I would just suggest that you cherish your friendship with her and continue to enjoy the type of relationship that doesn't happen to be sexual. Also, because she is supportive of you being bisexual don't you feel that you should be supportive of her being straight? Instead of being upset that she has a boyfriend you should be happy for her.
I don't envy you your situation. Unrequited love sucks. Maybe you need to have some time apart from her so you can deal with your feelings. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If she is a true friend (and it sounds like she is), she will understand. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do in terms of making her fall in love with you, too. She deserves to be happy and in love with someone else - and so do you.
Straight people go through the unrequited thing, too.
My advice? Rather than pretend that you're just friends (because you're NOT), you'll need to put up some distance. It sucks, but you can't get over something that's unreturned when it's right in front of you all the time. BTDT. You need to focus on yourself, and ultimately on finding a reciprocal relationship.
In my experience, you're never going to get over someone until you get away from them. I know that sucks but you need to move on and you can't do that when you're constantly around her. Yes, you need to move out and you need to spend as little time with her as possible, you may even need to cut her completely out of your life until you're passed this.
I agree with the others - time to step back. This is a universal thing you are going through, everyone faces this sooner or later, same sex or otherwise. It's a rite of passage, falling for someone who just doesn't feel it for you. Step back and move on, stop spending time with her and find a new friend. Right now you are in the friend zone, possibly she is keeping you their on purpose. The friend zone is a place for suckers. Some people stay there for years... decades even. Rip the band-aid off.
and PS - her happiness is NOT your happiness. You aren't a couple. You never will be a couple.
The only definition of 'Love' I've ever bought was: "The willingness to put anothers happiness before your own."
I have 'loved women' who's happiness has included them being with someone else other than me. I have supported them, (While letting them know it was not my ideal situation) and told them I would be there if I were needed and tried to support their happiness.
So, my question to you is:
Is it love, or is it some form of lust? (Been there too)
This is actually not much different from what straight people go through every day. It's unfortunately a very common experience that you fall for someone who doesn't feel the same way about you, or who likes you well enough as a friend but will never feel romantically for you. Even if she had been gay or bi, the same thing could have happened.
The question here is whether you can come to terms with the reality that this will never happen between you two, and what you need in order to get there. The most definitive way would be to cut off all contact, but then you'd lose the friendship too and that would be a shame. Perhaps a middle ground would be to move out and get your own place? Then you wouldn't have to witness her with her boyfriend, and a little space might help you to meet new people, perhaps even a girl or guy who would take her place in your romantic sights.
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