Why do people get upset that others have different preferences? (marry, singles)

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by CaptainJack87

I have several friends that are in their late 20s and 30s without children. Only one (out of about 10 of us) does online dating (although I randomly message hot girls on FB, that's not really considered online dating).

I have seen that myself because the guys I am meeting without children are not online. They are busy living life and have an attitude that whatever happens, happen.

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by Walter002

Screw them! Let them complain and vilify you for it! Your preferences are your preferences. All of those single parents were once without kids. They all had the chance to start a family on their own terms. Why do people think that all of a sudden because you are "older" that you should have to sacrifice wanting to have the same chance that all of these people had when they were younger?

I wish I knew, but I think it has to do with that many single parents regret having kids with their ex and deep down are jealous because I never did. So they tell me they are the best I can do, but I know better.

[suissegrl702]

Originally Posted by BradPiff

I've never really understood it. Everyone likes different things when looking at a partner. But I've seen people get attacked because their choices. I've seen people call women who don't like short men get called shallow for example, but to me if she doesn't like short men, that's her preference and she has a right to it

Oh, gee, I don't know...because some of them are bogus? I have for instance met women who are 6'2" tall who will only date men who are taller than them, then turn around and whine about how they are 40 and still single years later. Or people who whine about their family acting the way they did in the old country...then acting the same way. I've met men who insist on flat stomachs. Funny, I've worked in nursing homes and out of the hundreds of women I encountered there, not a single one of them had a flat stomach. Meaning chances are Mr. I want a flat stomach only is going to end up with a wife years later who no longer has a flat stomach.

I think my generation has some of the most ridiculous expectations. I'm glad my parents generation on back wasn't as ridiculous, because I would have never been born. For instance, I'm sure my father would have never married my mother were they growing up today. What does a sheltered Illinois farm girl have to offer a military guy who has seen the world and is half Swiss? Try little. Yet members of my generation use crap excuses to not date others. My father's family was still observing some of the traditions of the old country; Mom's family has been here since the Mayflower, some of her ancestors even longer (she's part Cherokee and Shawnee). A modern version of my father would have gone for someone else with a Swiss surname, or at least a military brat. Hell, my mother was not even a role-playing gamer when she met my father, and she didn't drink. Again, don't think my parents would have ever married today were they of my generation.

A modern version of my father would have gone on one date with my mother, found her sheltered, become annoyed that she doesn't do D&D and doesn't drink, and would have written her off after finding out she is an American mutt who spent her whole life on a farm in Illinois because, frankly, how would she deal with his family's customs and further, how can he get along with a woman so sheltered?

I think the Seinfield episode where one of the characters wrote off a woman because her big toe was shorter than the next toe is a very good descriptor of how stupid my generation is when it comes to expectations.

My parents, by the way, have been married 34 years. Proof that sometimes people who seem like a mismatch work out after all.

I think it is fine that people do have some expectations - no one should end up with a lazy person who gambles, is a compulsive liar, etc., or have to deal with someone who will sneer at their relatives. But I see many writing off perfectly good people because they are too short, don't have a flat stomach, have too much acne, aren't athletic enough, aren't white/black/Indian, don't have the right accent, or even better, the person looking for a spouse happily stereotypes whole ethnicities and races.

[Idon'tdateyou]

Originally Posted by Elle Oh Elle

Usually that works, but I had one or two who used a fake name.

That is a problem and another reason why I am leery of online now.

[elamigo]

Originally Posted by Elle Oh Elle

Because life has always been that way.

You are right on target. I it is somewhat amuzing for people to wonder about things that are well known to be part of human nature.
To me when people wonder about issues like this give me the perception that the ulterior motive is to not agree with different preferences themselves. In other words they are actually doing the same they point the finger at others for doing the same they are doing. Take care.

[BradPiff]

Originally Posted by suissegrl702

Oh, gee, I don't know...because some of them are bogus? I have for instance met women who are 6'2" tall who will only date men who are taller than them, then turn around and whine about how they are 40 and still single years later. Or people who whine about their family acting the way they did in the old country...then acting the same way. I've met men who insist on flat stomachs. Funny, I've worked in nursing homes and out of the hundreds of women I encountered there, not a single one of them had a flat stomach. Meaning chances are Mr. I want a flat stomach only is going to end up with a wife years later who no longer has a flat stomach.

I think my generation has some of the most ridiculous expectations. I'm glad my parents generation on back wasn't as ridiculous, because I would have never been born. For instance, I'm sure my father would have never married my mother were they growing up today. What does a sheltered Illinois farm girl have to offer a military guy who has seen the world and is half Swiss? Try little. Yet members of my generation use crap excuses to not date others. My father's family was still observing some of the traditions of the old country; Mom's family has been here since the Mayflower, some of her ancestors even longer (she's part Cherokee and Shawnee). A modern version of my father would have gone for someone else with a Swiss surname, or at least a military brat. Hell, my mother was not even a role-playing gamer when she met my father, and she didn't drink. Again, don't think my parents would have ever married today were they of my generation.

A modern version of my father would have gone on one date with my mother, found her sheltered, become annoyed that she doesn't do D&D and doesn't drink, and would have written her off after finding out she is an American mutt who spent her whole life on a farm in Illinois because, frankly, how would she deal with his family's customs and further, how can he get along with a woman so sheltered?

I think the Seinfield episode where one of the characters wrote off a woman because her big toe was shorter than the next toe is a very good descriptor of how stupid my generation is when it comes to expectations.

My parents, by the way, have been married 34 years. Proof that sometimes people who seem like a mismatch work out after all.

I think it is fine that people do have some expectations - no one should end up with a lazy person who gambles, is a compulsive liar, etc., or have to deal with someone who will sneer at their relatives. But I see many writing off perfectly good people because they are too short, don't have a flat stomach, have too much acne, aren't athletic enough, aren't white/black/Indian, don't have the right accent, or even better, the person looking for a spouse happily stereotypes whole ethnicities and races.

But they have right to them no matter how "bogus" you think they are. That's my point.

[Yellow Jacket]

Originally Posted by BradPiff

But they have right to them no matter how "bogus" you think they are. That's my point.

Very true and besides if someone is that dumb why would you want them to give you a chance in the first place? I would be happy if they told me upfront so I wouldn't have to waste my time with an imbecile.

[nyanna]

Originally Posted by xxbabeechick

Because some preferences are shallow. You have a right to your preferences. And others have a right to call them shallow.

I think your preference to avoid white men who date black women is shallow and ignorant.

I really don't like you at all.

[PassTheChocolate]

This is a very interesting thread, even though the topic has been covered many times.

Originally Posted by Braunwyn

I think it may be due to folk perceiving that if a person prefers X, Y, and Z that means there is something wrong with A, B, and C.

This really does seem to be the bottom line. And the problem lies with them.

Originally Posted by DrVanNostren

People usually get attacked for their preferences if they express them in a poor manner.

This implies that most people are accepting of preferences as long as they are presented in a respectful manner. There are a LOT of ignorant people out there. I don't think that is the case.

Originally Posted by branh0913

..if someone wants to judge me on my skin color, and not my awesome qualities beyond my skin, then I say screw them.

I think when I started to gain more confidence, I started to see how silly that woman was...

You never said why she didn't date black men. Was it because she just wasn't attracted to them? If so, why is that silly? Did something bad happen? If so, why is that silly? Was she racist? If so, then, yes, I'd agree it's silly.

Originally Posted by Yellow Jacket

I find it ironic that all of these people with these "preferences" are on dating sites with profiles desperately waiting for inquiries.

How do you know they are "desperately" waiting?

Originally Posted by Ro2113

Actually I wish other people wouldn't give out reasons of why they are not attracted to certain groups of people because those reasons are usually insults.

I agree, they owe no one any explanations, really.

Now, I didn't mind if they asked why I had a preference, but the answer was rarely good enough. I'd say, "I just do." and I'd get "That's not an answer." How do you explain an attraction you have no control over? I don't have an explanation, it just is. Most of the time it was a challenge to debate rather than an actual interest in why I preferred A over B. And someone who doesn't know me, who will presume to tell me I'm racist or I have turned my back on my own kind is not someone I would date anyway. If that is the first and only explanation they can come up with, then they couldn't keep up with me where it counts anyway.

Originally Posted by xxbabeechick

Because some preferences are shallow. You have a right to your preferences. And others have a right to call them shallow.

It's all relative. What would you consider "shallow"?

[JBT1980]

Youre right everyone has a right to a preference its just frustrating when i seem to be nobodies "preference"