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He said that all I ever tell him is bad news and I always have something going on. It's so not 100 percent true. It's just that I'm dealing with alot and never have anyone to talk too. I have been unemployed almost three years now, unemployment cut off a year and a half ago. I have to depend on my mom to help me out. I been in and out of work, can't find a stable job. I found a pt job recently, but the owner only needed us for a week. It's just so hard for me right now. My marriage fell apart. I don't communicate with my husband. Friends walked away. Who wouldn't be miserable after dealing with all of this. I wish I had a kid to keep me happy, but I feel like I don't have anything. I try to go church every sunday, but seems like that isn't doing too much for me. I'm just surviving on Food stamps, my moms help and also my family for letting me stay with them till I get back on my feet.
Thing is I've had alot in my past and was blessed with alot, but feel like everything has been taking from me. I feel that the same people who complain about me only telling them bad things are the same ones will complain about me bragging to them once God starts blessing me again.
Maybe I should just isolate myself from people because I can't even afford a counselor. I don't want anyone feeling like I"m bringing them down. Most people I know can't even relate to what i'm going through. They all have jobs, money, can do what they want and I'm just here breathing basically a loser.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,107,174 times
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Maybe he has a point, it may not be 100 true but is it at least 50-60 percent true? I've known people who seem to always have some sob story, it seems that's ALL they talk about. Listen, I'm all for hearing people's problems, trying to offer advice or just lend an ear, everyone needs that. But there's a point where the complainer becomes almost addicted to unloading, and it starts to get other people down. One can't ONLY talk about their own problems. There also comes a point when talking too much about how bad your life is will bring you down too. Think positively, and if you talk about your problems talk about how you can make things better, actual 'strategies' or whatever instead of just 'oh poor me, there's nothing I can do.' Good luck.
My thing is. He will keep asking me about my job situation and it will end up being a Sob story fromme . Why keep asking me everytime we speak if I found a job when you know how hard it has been for me.
LIke I said, I may need to isolate myself because the last thing I need is for anyone thinking I"m trying to bring them down with my problems. Don't keep coming to me asking about my job situation if you know that will make me even more depressed.
When President Obama is re-elected the job market will continue to improve and you will get back on your feet. Maybe there is some free couseling service in your county.
When President Obama is re-elected the job market will continue to improve and you will get back on your feet. Maybe there is some free couseling service in your county.
If obama is re-elected more of us will be living with our mothers.
Maybe take your friend's rather harsh statement as a wakeup call. You sound very depressed. If you attend a church, consult with your pastor. But really, you need to take some steps. They might feel like they're not working at first, but they will begin to make a difference.
1) Put yourself on a schedule. Get to bed at a decent hour, and get up at the same time every day.
2) Get outside to exercise every day, even if it's just a brisk walk for an hour in the morning.
3) Buy healthy food with the food stamps. Not necessarily organic or whatever (EXPENSIVE!), but go for the frozen veggies. You're unemployed, so you probably have the time to take to prepare a cheap dinner. (In my experience, cheap and healthy takes time to plan.)
4) When someone asks you about your situation, deflect them for the moment. Tell them, "We can talk about me later. How are things with you?" Ask some personal questions. Then talk about what's going on with you when you've given them a decent amount of time. Part of the reason of this may be to assess their mood. If they are also depressed or having a bad day, they may not be in the best position to offer support to you. Then you put a lid on it and find someone happier to talk to.
5) Spend part of the day at the library if you can get there. Read some periodicals. Take out some books. Basically, you're getting informed and filling your day with something constructive. A challenging book is a good project.
6) Volunteer. An animal shelter, a homeless shelter, a soup kitchen, whatever. It will look good on your resume and it will get you interacting with other people and feeling less isolated. It's nice to do something good for others too. If there are any festivals in your area or community events, call about volunteering at those as well - a great opportunity to network and build connections to find another job.
7) Meditate. I know it sounds stupid, but it really does help with depression and stress. It took me a while to do it right, but it's a great tool to have.
You don't have to do all of this at once, but try a little bit more each day. I deal with depression from time to time, and it is a terrible, soul-sucking thing. I've been able to handle it without medication by doing the above things. However, if you have any form of health insurance, I would see if you could get to a doctor for some happy pills as well.
I suggest getting into a career field helping people, it will help heal you. Get your personal trainer certification and help others. Or you could volunteer some until you find a paying gig.
Many counselors will work with you to afford therapy. There are organizations that provide it for free or on a sliding scale. You sound like you are in need of help and it won't get any better if you don't do something about it. That can be extremely hard when you are depressed. Where are you located? Some google searches might help find resources in your area.
Almost, if not all, of the threads you start are very heavy and deep on the sad side. I can understand to a degree why someone would highlight this to you. If he didn't care he wouldn't have said anything to you. He asks you about your job situation as a courtesy and extension of care. My suggestion is when he does, keep the droning brief. Something like, "Not a good day, but there's something else I've been thinking about doing." Always find some way to segue into a more positive conversation. Ask him how he is doing....do you ever do that?
As I pointed out in one of your other threads, you cannot use others as an emotional tampon and expect them to want to be around you all the time, in much the same way you wouldn't want someone to do that to you. Think how YOU would feel if, under all the stresss and strain of your own life, you added someone who always called you to drone on and on endlessly about all the negative things in their life and said nothing about you or asked how you were doing? It's the same thing.
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