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Most of the people I know partied their way through college...and most of their actual education came after they graduated in the form of life experiences. I'm okay with someone lacking a degree, as long as they match my mental acuity.
Some women like to date a man with "status" because somehow increased their "value" to a certain extent.
Some others date men with degrees because they want someone who can match their intellectual interests and abilities.
I dated both. I dated men who were extremely successful and it got me nowhere because there always was some sort of "power" struggle. I'm a very competitive woman and I couldn't stand the constant competition. While I enjoyed someone who dating someone who was as ambitious and successful as I was, I didn't like the competition. These men relied on their "status" a little bit too much and had high expectations which put pressure on me. I like to do my own thing. I don't want to compete even though I can't help myself sometimes. Some of these men were condescending and I didn't like it.
I dated a man who was a college drop out. He attended college but dropped out one semester before graduation (stupid). He was great and I hate so much fun with him. I didn't feel like I had to prove anything to him. For once, I enjoyed not caring about status. He was smart but was quite directionless which is the reason why I somehow realize I shouldn't have dated him in the first place. He has no real ambition and was working a dead-end job. Surprisingly, he was the only man I ever truly connected with. He loves to read and is basically an information sponge but academics are not his cup of tea. He also kept criticising my ambitions and the fact that I liked to study a lot. It didn't go down too well and I gathered I had made a mistake giving him a shot. He'll never understand the importance of academic and professional success because it's not his priority.
If I were to choose, I'd rather date a man with a great job. I don't care much about other people's opinion but I imagined myself introducing the college drop out to my former classmates, my friends and family and it made me cringe. I can't picture myself answering the question "What does he do?".
Given the fact I either compete with the guys I date or date guys who can't measure up, I'd rather stay single for now.
Some women like to date a man with "status" because somehow increased their "value" to a certain extent.
Some others date men with degrees because they want someone who can match their intellectual interests and abilities.
I dated both. I dated men who were extremely successful and it got me nowhere because there always was some sort of "power" struggle. I'm a very competitive woman and I couldn't stand the constant competition. While I enjoyed someone who dating someone who was as ambitious and successful as I was, I didn't like the competition. These men relied on their "status" a little bit too much and had high expectations which put pressure on me. I like to do my own thing. I don't want to compete even though I can't help myself sometimes. Some of these men were condescending and I didn't like it.
I dated a man who was a college drop out. He attended college but dropped out one semester before graduation (stupid). He was great and I hate so much fun with him. I didn't feel like I had to prove anything to him. For once, I enjoyed not caring about status. He was smart but was quite directionless which is the reason why I somehow realize I shouldn't have dated him in the first place. He has no real ambition and was working a dead-end job. Surprisingly, he was the only man I ever truly connected with. He loves to read and is basically an information sponge but academics are not his cup of tea. He also kept criticising my ambitions and the fact that I liked to study a lot. It didn't go down too well and I gathered I had made a mistake giving him a shot. He'll never understand the importance of academic and professional success because it's not his priority.
If I were to choose, I'd rather date a man with a great job. I don't care much about other people's opinion but I imagined myself introducing the college drop out to my former classmates, my friends and family and it made me cringe. I can't picture myself answering the question "What does he do?".
Given the fact I either compete with the guys I date or date guys who can't measure up, I'd rather stay single for now.
The bold sentence is what I've noticed from dating some women that didn't have degrees. It didn't mean they were less of a person, but I did notice that they were directionless. Women who were a lot smarter than me, but they never seemed to ever stick to anything. They'd start something and do it for 6-12 months and then stop. Then repeat the process all over again. There's nothing wrong with that, but for me, they seemed to just always stay in one spot. One day they wanted to be an artist. The next they wanted to be an author. The next they wanted to go back to school. The next they wanted to move to NYC. It's not that I'm against having an adventurous imagination, but please find something, stick to it, and see it through.
There are a whole host of reasons from women usually wanting to marry up, to just sheer numbers. Although there are most certainly "diamonds in the rough" among less-educated people, someone in an occupation where you get your hands dirty is also going to travel in different circles, probably have different habits and a different lifestyle. You also have manner of talk, dress and a whole host of other issues.
If you have more grandiose ideas about where you see yourself in the pecking order, it's easier to get there as a professional than as a working stiff.
BTW, most of my people were working stiffs and they beat it into our heads that we were not allowed to follow their career path, so this is nothing against you at all.
I get what you are saying. This is just an observation and not directed at you personally.
That whole elitist mentality of some people. I respect all people and can't see looking down on anyone simply because they have a 'blue collar' job or lack a college degree. And it's funny because throughout most of our U.S history, the majority of people were blue-collar workers. It wasn't long ago that most people were working in fields, toiling in factories, building on construction sites, digging in mines, etc, but today so many people have that 'Big Shot' mentality and have such prejudice against blue-collar work. And even today, the workers that allow Americans to have such easy lives -- the guys that build roads, install and fix plumbing, build houses, do electrician work -- often get sneered at because they don't sit behind a desk in an office and often get dirty over the course of their workdays. But if these guys didn't exist, the average American would be s**t out of luck. So many modern conveniences are made possible by the lowly blue-collar worker. Throw in the truck drivers who deliver to the stores all the goods we consume -- they are simpletons who sit behind a wheel and simply drive.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Its not about the degree, it is about culture. I want to date someone that also really values learning and education, including formal education. I've only dated two people since I turned 30 that had less than a masters, and I don't see that trend changing.
I could do a very long write up, but I'm a little too tired to break this down. But why do women feel they need to date a guy who has a college degree? I've heard this requirement quite a few times in recent years, and to me it makes no sense. I can understand to a degree equating a degree with success, but one needs only pay attention to history, and economics to figure out this isn't always the case. There are very successful businessmen and women with no degree whatsoever. There are also people with degrees who are unemployed or underemployed. So what is the real reason for this requirement. A lot of women, and some men seem dead set on it.
Social status maybe? Some women/men want to say I'm married to Esq. or Dr or DDS or PHD or whatever lofty title that goes in front of a white collar job. Or they don't want to date below their own level. Maybe they see it as a step backwards. Or maybe they are afraid their peers will look down on them for being with a "lesser" person, Their life their decision. If a woman/man won't date someone because the persons social status isn't high enough that's their choice to make and enforce.
Its not about the degree, it is about culture. I want to date someone that also really values learning and education, including formal education. I've only dated two people since I turned 30 that had less than a masters, and I don't see that trend changing.
It is their standard. It might be their minimum standard.
I know people who will not date shorter prospects, even though they may have a degree and make tons of money.
I know people who will not date people with a few extra pounds. I know people who will not date anyone living with their parents. I know people who do not date out of their race or religion.
These types of threads fascinate me because online dating data is a very interesting reflection of where we are in society. Note that I'm happily married and we both have advanced degrees, so this is purely observational. From my vantage point, it's hard for me to understand why someone *wouldn't* ask about educational background at near the top of the list of online criteria.
From what I've read from researchers of online dating patterns (i.e. the writers of Freakonomics, researchers on the 538 blog, etc.), the general conclusion seems to confirm a lot of stereotypes that we have, such as women *generally* being more superficial about male income and men *generally* being more superficial about female looks. Note that what people put on their personal profiles (meaning what they *say* they want) is largely irrelevant in determining true preferences; what really matters is who people are willing to message and/or respond to (reflecting what they *actually* want).
I emphasize *generally* because, as we all ought to know, the general rule among millions of people will carry a lot of individual variances. So, if women are generally more superficial about male income, then it makes perfect sense that they ask for a college degree requirement. In *general* (that word again), college degree holders earn significantly more than non-degree holders. Sure, many of us can point to the anecdotal stories of people that we know that don't have college degrees making tons of money along with college grads that are living on their parents' couches, but that is NOWHERE near the general rule statistically. Amongst the entire US population, the employment rates and salaries of degree-holders versus non-degree holders are not even close (and the disparity is even higher with advanced degrees). For whatever reason, I've seen a lot of posters on this board attempt to downplay this (usually pointing to someone without a degree that makes a lot of money while ridiculing a slacker college grad that now works as a barista), but individual anecdotes don't replace the very strong and clear general rule among millions of people.
Therefore, quantitatively, having a college degree is a relatively good baseline proxy for having a stable career and income. It isn't a *perfect* proxy (as the variance between individuals is very high), but for the purposes of online dating, I'd imagine that saying that you prefer college grads is much more socially acceptable than saying "I want a really rich guy/girl". It's a pretty easy and direct weeding out criteria for people going through hundreds/thousands/millions of profiles.
Qualitatively, if you had a traditional on-campus college experience, it's generally a very big deal socially. I think people are being disingenuous if they don't believe that specific experience has a huge impact on people's lives and it's a very large chasm to bridge if one person in a relationship didn't have that experience. It doesn't mean that it *can't* be bridged (as, once again, the general rule will have lots of individual variances when looking among millions of people), but it's a major factor.
I also don't think it has to do with elitism, but what's "normal" for your "tribe". I honestly grew up not even knowing that not going to college was even an option - for me to tell my parents that I wasn't going to college would have been akin to saying that I wasn't going to attend kindergarten or junior high. It was engrained in my head from birth that going to college was simply basic schooling. Now, I know that not everyone grows up in that environment, but there's a pretty sizable portion of the population with a similar upbringing. If you grew up in that environment (and my family wasn't rich by any means, by the way), then having a college degree is as basic as having a high school diploma. That's just the ante to get into the game at all. The real separation is *where* you went to college and how prestigious your program was.
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