Why don't WHITE MEN ever hit on me? (dating, Asian, women)
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I’m a woman in my mid 30’s and of Asian descent. I’ve always been attracted to White men (including Hispanic) ever since I can remember. I think that I am fairly attractive, at least attractive enough to get the good looking men looking at me. In grade school and high school, the best looking and popular (white) guys always seemed to be attracted to me. (Yes, I have to go back that far because I haven't dated in ages). However, white men rarely ever hit on me. All they ever do is stare from afar and sometimes give me subtle hints that they’re interested. The last time a white guy hit on me was when I was 16 at a fast food restaurant and the guy told me that he and his friend were checking me out, and he later asked for my number. That and in the 3rd grade when a very hansome white boy gave me a Valentine card with the handwritten words, "I Like You" on it. Seriously, those were the only times.
What is it? Is it because I’m Asian and so they don’t feel as comfortable approaching someone of a different race? I don’t think I am that attractive nor ugly to intimidate someone either. For some reason, I’ve experienced more white men being attracted to me than Asian men (if I’m reading them right).
I’m asking this right now because there’s a white man that takes the same city bus as me and I think that he’s attracted to me (and I am to him), but he has not come up to talk to me yet. It’s the same: just stares at me, smiles at me, comes and sits by me when he can , stands at a corner to watch me walk to my car, acts differently around me now, he even grooms himself better now , etc., but that is it. Am I just reading these men wrong or what?? Is staring no longer a sign that someone is attracted to you? All I really want is for this guy to finally just say hi and talk to me. I feel like I am in grade school again.
And no, I will not pursue another man again because the only guy I have ever really pursued shot me down. I thought he really liked me, but that perhaps he was just too shy to approach me, so I approached him. Well either I totally misread him or he played me too well, and I decided to make the first move only to be shot down. I have never done this before. And yes, he was a white guy.
So all my life, I’ve only dated the Asian guys who actually did like me and asked me out, but I’m always sitting at the corner waiting for that handsome white fella who I think likes me too, but not enough to approach me. What gives?
Last edited by onedirection; 10-04-2012 at 10:22 AM..
Reason: format
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onedirection
I’m a woman in my mid 30’s and of Asian descent. I’ve always been attracted to White men (including Hispanic) ever since I can remember. I think that I am fairly attractive, at least attractive enough to get the good looking men looking at me. In grade school and high school, the best looking and popular (white) guys always seemed to be attracted to me. (Yes, I have to go back that far because I haven't dated in ages). However, white men rarely ever hit on me. All they ever do is stare from afar and sometimes give me subtle hints that they’re interested. The last time a white guy hit on me was when I was 16 at a fast food restaurant and the guy told me that he and his friend were checking me out, and he later asked for my number. That and in the 3rd grade when a very hansome white boy gave me a Valentine card with the handwritten words, "I Like You" on it. Seriously, those were the only times.
What is it? Is it because I’m Asian and so they don’t feel as comfortable approaching someone of a different race? I don’t think I am that attractive nor ugly to intimidate someone either. For some reason, I’ve experienced more white men being attracted to me than Asian men (if I’m reading them right).
I’m asking this right now because there’s a white man that takes the same city bus as me and I think that he’s attracted to me (and I am to him), but he has not come up to talk to me yet. It’s the same: just stares at me, smiles at me, comes and sits by me when he can , stands at a corner to watch me walk to my car, acts differently around me now, he even grooms himself better now , etc., but that is it. Am I just reading these men wrong or what?? Is staring no longer a sign that someone is attracted to you? All I really want is for this guy to finally just say hi and talk to me. I feel like I am in grade school again.
And no, I will not pursue another man again because the only guy I have ever really pursued shot me down. I thought he really liked me, but that perhaps he was just too shy to approach me, so I approached him. Well either I totally misread him or he played me too well, and I decided to make the first move only to be shot down. I have never done this before. And yes, he was a white guy.
So all my life, I’ve only dated the Asian guys who actually did like me and asked me out, but I’m always sitting at the corner waiting for that handsome white fella who I think likes me too, but not enough to approach me. What gives?
Is it too much to say "hi how are you" to the guy?
I don't believe a simple "hi" equates to pursuing a person. If anything, you are putting out a little bait and still giving him the option to pursue the bait or not.
If all of the guys you like don't ask you out, it means you have unrealistic expectations. You are probably desiting men outside of your "league" so you dont notice the men who DO find you attractive enough to date. Maybe you arent attractive to white men, or you are attracted to white guys who are a too many steps "above" you. Less desirable white men are quite good at dating minorities who are status daters (which sound like what you are) but again they tend to be less handsome and have worse jobs, etc etc.
I don't like to ask guys out, but I don't mind saying hello or making small talk. Basically letting them know I'm receptive to them asking ME out. If you smile and say hello and he doesn't ask you out, then you're way off base and he's not interested.
I’m a woman in my mid 30’s and of Asian descent. I’ve always been attracted to White men (including Hispanic) ever since I can remember. I think that I am fairly attractive, at least attractive enough to get the good looking men looking at me. In grade school and high school, the best looking and popular (white) guys always seemed to be attracted to me. (Yes, I have to go back that far because I haven't dated in ages). However, white men rarely ever hit on me. All they ever do is stare from afar and sometimes give me subtle hints that they’re interested. The last time a white guy hit on me was when I was 16 at a fast food restaurant and the guy told me that he and his friend were checking me out, and he later asked for my number. That and in the 3rd grade when a very hansome white boy gave me a Valentine card with the handwritten words, "I Like You" on it. Seriously, those were the only times.
What is it? Is it because I’m Asian and so they don’t feel as comfortable approaching someone of a different race? I don’t think I am that attractive nor ugly to intimidate someone either. For some reason, I’ve experienced more white men being attracted to me than Asian men (if I’m reading them right).
I’m asking this right now because there’s a white man that takes the same city bus as me and I think that he’s attracted to me (and I am to him), but he has not come up to talk to me yet. It’s the same: just stares at me, smiles at me, comes and sits by me when he can , stands at a corner to watch me walk to my car, acts differently around me now, he even grooms himself better now , etc., but that is it. Am I just reading these men wrong or what?? Is staring no longer a sign that someone is attracted to you? All I really want is for this guy to finally just say hi and talk to me. I feel like I am in grade school again.
And no, I will not pursue another man again because the only guy I have ever really pursued shot me down. I thought he really liked me, but that perhaps he was just too shy to approach me, so I approached him. Well either I totally misread him or he played me too well, and I decided to make the first move only to be shot down. I have never done this before. And yes, he was a white guy.
So all my life, I’ve only dated the Asian guys who actually did like me and asked me out, but I’m always sitting at the corner waiting for that handsome white fella who I think likes me too, but not enough to approach me. What gives?
I think you've answered your own question here. You're intimidating enough (for whatever reason, not necessarily because of your looks) that guys don't approach you.
Instead of trying to (mind-)read these men, why not merely chat them up? If there's mutual interest, they'll likely make a move. But walking up to someone cold and hitting on them...well, you've seen firsthand how it often works out. And chatting these men up isn't the same as "making a move", so it makes things easier on both of you.
It sucks to put yourself out there only to get shot down--you've seen that. So makes things a little easier on them with casual conversation.
Maybe white guys are more prideful and don't want to get rejected, so they're not going to approach you unless you let them know it's okay? They could also be dating someone, so maybe they're interested, but they have someone around, so they don't really need to approach you... I don't know, I'm not going to make any more stereotypical assumptions, but if you're interested, just smile and say hi.
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, etc., but that is it. Am I just reading these men wrong or what?? Is staring no longer a sign that someone is attracted to you? All I really want is for this guy to finally just say hi and talk to me. I feel like I am in grade school again. 
