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So just dipped my toe into online dating about two weeks ago and primarily have questions for the women out there. Personally I'm in my mid-40's, separated (with no hope of reconciliation - just waiting for the lawyers to finish up) and have a decent job, keep myself fit and am a little quirky(as in I don't watch sports on the weekend). Looking mostly for women around my age, no more than 5-6 years younger. Most of the women that I have met seem to be in the same situation as me, just getting out of a long term relationship.
I'm also in sales, I know that you need to prospect in order to get results. Over the past few weeks it seems like I need to send out about 5 email messages in order to get one response. Out of the responses I get about half never progress beyond 1-2 messages. Another quarter get to multiple messages and an exchange of phone numbers so we can text. The last quarter have ended up with tentative plans to meet, but due to schedules I have been able to go out on one date.
My question is if I am chatting with someone, it's progressing and then get no response for 24 hours should I take that as a hint? Don't want to be stalker-ish, should I just move on? Or do I ask if there was something in a message that they did not like?
In order to get one date, it seems like I need to have about 4-5 women on the line via online messages or texting. Does this seem about right? Anymore than that and I can't keep them straight.
My question is if I am chatting with someone, it's progressing and then get no response for 24 hours should I take that as a hint? Don't want to be stalker-ish, should I just move on? Or do I ask if there was something in a message that they did not like?
24 hours is nothing. If you want to follow up, wait at least a week and just ask how they're doing. Don't ask whether you did something wrong or if they're no longer interested. If you don't get a response back, move on.
No response over 24 hours is no big deal, especially if it was over the weekend. She was probably busy. I have times where I take that long or longer to respond to text messages from friends.
I don't log on everyday, so it wouldn't be unusual for me to take a few days to reply to someone. Some people just stop replying, who knows why. They met someone else, got busy, forgot about you in the shuffle of the million other people they're talking to, etc. I think if you had a few e-mails going back and forth and she doesn't reply for awhile then it's okay to follow up and say hey, hope you're doing well and to hear from you soon. I had a guy do that after I didn't reply for a few days and his following up showed me he was interested and I wasn't just one of dozens. And we've been on 2 dates with a 3rd planned.
I should also add that sometimes when I receive messages from guys, they don't ask any questions or do anything to keep the conversation going, even though they initiated it. So make sure the last message you sent was something that warrants a reply and if not, send another one.
I should also add that sometimes when I receive messages from guys, they don't ask any questions or do anything to keep the conversation going, even though they initiated it. So make sure the last message you sent was something that warrants a reply and if not, send another one.
Oh yeah! Good point! I've had this happen too. If a guy doesn't give me anything to work with in his response then I assume he's not that interested. Guys who are interested ask questions and make an effort to keep conversation going.
Oh yeah! Good point! I've had this happen too. If a guy doesn't give me anything to work with in his response then I assume he's not that interested. Guys who are interested ask questions and make an effort to keep conversation going.
Exactly. Recent example:
Him: Hi, how are you?
Me: Pretty good. How's your day going?
Him: Ok, just figuring out what to do for dinner.
So that was the end of the conversation. lol These were actual messages, not IMs. He might think I just stopped responding, but he's the one who let the conversation die off by not asking a follow up question.
Please, please, please.... do everyone a favor and heed this advice.
I've found that too many of the guys on POF are still emotionally involved with their ex- or soon to be ex- to be worth the time and investment. I have spent several dates in 3-hour long conversations with guys where the entire conversation revolves around the situation they are just getting out of. There is really too much residual hurt and anger to get involved with someone new at this point.
OP, your stats sound about right to me. I found that if I was doing things right and screening carefully, I'd only meet about 5% - 1 in 20 - of the women I "met" online. In the majority of cases, after a few emails or a chat or two it was obvious to one or both of us that we weren't all that compatible. Be glad you're not wasting more time on dead ends.
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