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I am in a manipulative relationship. My husband and I have been together for 5 years and have a daughter. There has not been a single month when I had been happy. My husband holds me responsible for everything bad in his life and hides his success and happiness from me. it's always about him, he lies, and I am always wrong. I am a qualified engineer but unemployed these days. My husband makes it to a point that I don't find any time to search for work. We do not have a joint account and does not give me any money to spend myself. He doesn't help with any house work or my daughter's care. I want to leave him because I am frustrated, lonely, over worked. But I cant!!! Whenever I try he and his family call me, visit my parents, emotionally black mail me for my daughter's best interest. I am strong in the beginning and then start getting weak and go back to him.
I belong to a south asian family where divorce is not considered to be a good thing. Divorced women with kids are not generously accepted by men. I fear being lonely for the rest of my life. How do I stay firm on my decission and leave him for good!!!!
Can you explain the situation to your parents, and get their support? Explain all the manipulation and lies, and suggest that his parents have only heard his side of the story, including his lies? It sounds like you need to let your parents know how you feel, how much you're suffering. Don't give in to emotional blackmail. Your daughter would be better off in a quiet household and a happy mother. You have a valuable education and a very practical profession. Make use of it! You don't necessarily have to remarry into a SE Asian family. There are lots of possibilities out there.
What I mean by "he hides his success and happiness" from me is, for instance he got a new job that pays him 75K he told me its just a compromise and he is only getting 55 K less than his last job, so that he does not have to spend some money on myself and our daughter. the list of lies like this goes on and on
Begin putting away some money every week while you're looking for somewhere else to live. Having a child means you can't just leave and go back to your own country.
I would also start attending counseling so you can find resources along with some inner strengthening to keep your resolve.
You are not in a normal, healthy, loving marriage. The sooner you start the process of leaving, the better you and your child will be.
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