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I've not known of any married man who was longing to be single and back out in the dating world again. Age and maturity have a funny way of doing that to you, where comfort and stability are valued over variety and uncertainty.
You're kidding, right? What do you think is in the minds of all those men who cheat?
You're kidding, right? What do you think is in the minds of all those men who cheat?
I couldn't even imagine what goes on in the minds of men who cheat. That's a scary place to be, as evidenced by my ex-husband. The psychology behind cheaters is far deeper than wanting to be single.
What I mean is that for all the single men who "pity" their married friends, unless you got married and had kids for the wrong reasons, it's stage you're at, and ready for. The men I know aren't secretly wishing they were single and out playing the field. Those days are over with. The ones I know are happy with their spouse, happy with the kids they've had, and are leading rich and fulfilling lives, and don't need any single guy's pity because they're not able to go trolling for chicks at the bar.
I've been single for 6 weeks and I can tell you that theres some truth to what the OP is saying. I'm 31 and my best friend has 3 kids, its hard to go out and find girls if you don't have the social life that it takes to do it. Also I live in a very small town, so its hard anyway to do this.. but no matter how lonely I am I'm better off then to be in a relationship that's not going anywhere, because I was cheated on twice this year and the first time I was dumb to take her back, and then she left me for the last one. So I'm not single by choice, but I am going to try and enjoy it while I am, and I think for those of us who arent single by choice should try to do first, before jumping into a new relationship right away.
Tell you what. Let's fast forward to Christmas morning.
You wake up alone.
You go to the folks' house with no one in tow
You open presents, eat dinner and go back to your apartment.
Your friends are all doing the family thing.
So all you have to do on a Christmas afternoon is sit around and watch the television.
Tell you what. Let's fast forward to Christmas morning.
You wake up alone.
You go to the folks' house with no one in tow
You open presents, eat dinner and go back to your apartment.
Your friends are all doing the family thing.
So all you have to do on a Christmas afternoon is sit around and watch the television.
Kind of empty if you ask me.
A miserable marriage just for the sake of not being alone on Christmas is a very sad tradeoff. Christmas (and all holidays, if you ask me), are overrated. You have to live your life 365 days a year in a way that is best for you, not in a way that gives you a Hallmark experience once a year.
I'd rather be enjoying my single life if thats what situation im in rather then being in a bad relationship on Christmas. I'm not going to stay single just to be single however, if someone comes along that is 100% right for me of course I'll jump all over her, but right now jumping into a new relationship after not being single long is unhealthy.
The ones I know are happy with their spouse, happy with the kids they've had, and are leading rich and fulfilling lives, and don't need any single guy's pity because they're not able to go trolling for chicks at the bar.
I dont know if I'd use the word happy. No married man I know, including myself, is happy. It's more a feeling of acceptance and being content. I accept the fact that my wife is going to pick on all of my faults. I accept the fact that her father is a giant control freak. I accept the fact that my wife is going to complain about my lack of [insert character flaw here -> ]. I love my wife and our two girls and do not want to go back to being single nor would I consider cheating.
I dont know if I'd use the word happy. No married man I know, including myself, is happy. It's more a feeling of acceptance and being content. I accept the fact that my wife is going to pick on all of my faults. I accept the fact that her father is a giant control freak. I accept the fact that my wife is going to complain about my lack of [insert character flaw here -> ]. I love my wife and our two girls and do not want to go back to being single nor would I consider cheating.
Don't look now, but you've described what happiness actually means.
Kayanne, How long did you wait before you met your current husband, and was the divorce very bitter and leaving you hurt for a long time? I think its important not to jump into a new relationship, to kind of find yourself first, but im only 31, and I'm getting over something almost 5 years where my ex cheated on me and left me for another guy. Its left me very hurt, because I put everything into this relationship and it turns out that wasnt enough.
Sports,
My divorce was pretty painful and ugly. I truly tried to take the high road, but it was difficult.
I happened to meet my now-husband about 6 months after my first husband and I separated. I wouldn't recommend jumping back into the dating scene that soon, but that's when he came along, and it happened to work out beautifully for me. I'm about 20 years older than you, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. We dated/lived together for 3 years before getting married, so in that regard we certainly didn't rush things.
You are very right about finding yourself, and about the hurt that comes with feeling like you put everything into the relationship and it still ended. It can be really hard to TRUST again. It took a long time for me to feel like I could trust in a relationship again, and even now, that word "trust" means something different to me than it did in my younger years. Honestly, I don't believe anyone can absolutely KNOW that their relationship will last a lifetime. Both people should be and do their best, and always treat each other with love, honesty, and respect. However, people and relationships do change, not always for the better, and I think it's important to not view divorce as a failure. It is a path, a second chance, to move forward, to become a better person, and to find happiness in a new phase of life.
Here's one of my favorite quotes: "Remarriage after divorce is the triumph of hope over experience."
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