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I have been feeling pretty down about being alone for a year now. My ex and I broke up a little more than a year ago, and even though we were together for a year and a half the relationship was a sham. She had cheated on me almost from day one, and her new bf (who she just so happened to get together with just 2 weeks after breaking up with me) is now married to her and has a kid on the way. I very briefly dated a girl who was working as an escort behind my back (we'll get to that in a sec) and In February I returned home to Florida
I have been single ever since then, and while I have had some dates, none of them looked like relationship material. One girl was an unemployed single mom with no ambitions, the second one was a suicidal emo chick who because of her "emo" style I wasn't really into her
Now back to the escort I dated, she was escorting behind my back, and I found out after roughly 7 weeks of dating and when I did I dumped her on the spot. Shortly after breaking up with her, I tested positive for HIV, and after more tests were done, it was confirmed that she KNEW she had HIV and was not on her meds. That fell on me after losing my first ex (first ever relationship) getting laid off from the best job I ever had, AND my father dying from cancer
Anyways, I just feel like I am going to be alone forever. Of my 4 closest guy friends, one is married and has a child, another (who came out to me and said he was gay) has a girlfriend, another is dating a girl but is not serious yet, and the 4th one recently dumped a girl.
Everywhere I go throughout the city, I see couples. I see them at bars, restaurants, the movies, the grocery store I work at, riding in cars, at the park, both my younger brother and sister are attached as well, my sister for 2 and a half yrs and my mom is dating as well as she has moved on from my father's death. The few female friends I have are all taken as well, and their female friends all have boyfriends too
I just feel like I am never EVER going to meet the right girl who will truly love me for me, and not use me or cheat on me but with everything that has happened to me in the past year, and because I have health status, I feel like I am damaged goods and am doomed to be alone forever, and as one person even put it, "You're HIV now, you're dating and sex life are over with now, just accept it" I can't accept that, there has to be somebody out there for me right?
Shortly after breaking up with her, I tested positive for HIV, and after more tests were done, it was confirmed that she KNEW she had HIV and was not on her meds.
You'll be alright, buddy. Just batten down the hatches and wait for the storm to pass.
On the quote....I sure hope you're going after her with the law.
do you realize you are not the only hiv positive person in your situation? because if you hadn't you should.
there are plenty of support groups out there for people in your position looking for what you are....a companion.
get proactive, your life will only get better the moment you choose to allow it to.
I've been alone now for almost 5 years with nothing to indicate that is going to change anytime soon. I have a full social life with no shortage of friends, but growing old alone has always been my biggest fear and with each passing day I see that becoming more of a very real possibility.
Sorry to hear that buddy. Wow, that's really messed up about the HIV thing.
As for the feeling that you are going to be alone indefinitely with no end in sight... that's pretty much the story of my life. I lost count of how many years it has been. I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that if i want female attention, i am going to have to pay for it.
I've been alone now for almost 5 years with nothing to indicate that is going to change anytime soon. I have a full social life with no shortage of friends, but growing old alone has always been my biggest fear and with each passing day I see that becoming more of a very real possibility.
Have you ever tried any meetup groups? Check out meetup.com and look for singles groups in your city. It seems to be a less intimidating way to meet people than speed dating, and probably more productive than weeding through the creepers online.
I think something important to realize is that life is not defined by relationship status. It's hard to be alone - I get that - but if you dwell on it, it can be more difficult to obtain.
Another thing: love can't be forced, it just happens.
Your health status can be an obstacle, but there are plenty of people out there who are living with HIV and thriving. Take care of yourself, then worry about someone else.
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