Long relationship but in love with coworker - I am the only one that knows (boyfriend, how to)
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I have been with my boyfriend for over five years. We have had ups and downs, but overall I believe that we have a healthy relationship. He is good looking, works out, and takes care of me.
I have been at my current job for almost five years. I have always had a crush on one of my coworkers. I feel like it is more than a crush now. I think I might be in love with him. I look forward to going to work and seeing him. I miss him when he is out of the office. I hate weekends, because I will not be able to see him. He is the one person I think about before falling a sleep and also when I wake up in the morning. Crazy! I know! I have been hiding it to the best of my abilities. I do not want it to affect our professional relationship. Lately, we have been working on a lot of projects together and that has intensified my feelings. This is weird, but I will get “wet” just by talking with him. I try very hard to dress professionally, buttoned shirt, pants, jacket without any skin showing just to avoid all of this drama. I have realized that he likes me too. He is also trying to keep it professional, but I can see it in his behavior toward me and in his eyes. He will look deep into my eyes when we are talking about something. He has asked me some personal questions in a “what-if” scenario. I have always answered them indirectly. Finally, he has asked me for dinner last night. I politely rejected, but deep down wanted to go. Today, he has mentioned it again. I said no, because I had plans. I really did. I got home and found out that my boyfriend will be out of town that day, so I contacted my coworker and told him that I can go to the dinner.
I don’t know what to do. I reallllllyyyy want him, but I love my boyfriend. I don’t want to hurt him and I don’t want to kill the professional relationship with my coworker either. This whole time I was thinking that it was a crush, but it has been many years and I should have been over him by now - not intensified!
My plan is to go to the dinner and address the issue. I don’t know how to approach it, but I think it would be best for us to stay friends/coworkers and not to get into something we will both regret down the road.
Has anyone had something similar and how did you handle it? What do you recommend?
If you truly love your boyfriend, AND if you know he would be bothered by what you have written here and maybe especially by your going out to dinner with this other man while your boyfriend is out of town ... well, just CANCEL. Tell him you can't make it. How hard is that?!
Exactly. In fact, a crush like this was how I knew my marriage was over.
And no, I did not cheat. Nor should you, OP. Do the honorable thing and either end your relationship or remove yourself from the temptation.
Yeah - a crush like this is how I knew I had to call off my wedding. And I did. And I ended up marrying my "crush." And now I don't have any more crushes like that because I truly do love my husband and I truly am happy with him!
Yeah - a crush like this is how I knew I had to call off my wedding. And I did. And I ended up marrying my "crush." And now I don't have any more crushes like that because I truly do love my husband and I truly am happy with him!
By that I mean the guy you left at the alter. I'm not saying you shouldn't do what's right for you, but he deserves some consideration as well. If you were selfishly seeking marriage with him because you wanted the title and then up and left him for what you really want then that is pretty ****ty. If he somehow screwed you over and I don't know about it then I apologize.
This is a tough situation. My first thought is that there must be something missing from the relationship you are now in to be having such strong and increasing feelings for this co-worker. Of course your boyfriend is going to be VERY upset if he ever found out you went out to eat with this man while he was away. I believe in following your heat, but you admit you have a good relationship with your boyfriend of 5 years. Sometimes the grass is not always greener. What does your gut and heart tell you?
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