Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Thanks to the help of everyone on this forum, I have come to the decision to end my two year relationship.
I know this wont be an easy process, and thats why I am making a new thread.
I was hoping you guys could give me advice on:
1. How to end the relationship(letting go of her with love)
2. How long I should stop talking to her or have no contact(if neccessary)
3. When and Where I should do it.
4. Coping methods with letting go of someone you still love, but doing what is best for the relationship.
5. How to move on and stop being emotionally/physically attached to her.
I'm afraid I can't be much help on how / when / where to do it but when it does end --
Don’t fight your feelings – It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process.
Talk about how you’re feeling – Even if it is difficult for you to talk about your feelings with other people, it is very important to find a way to do so when you are grieving. Knowing that others are aware of your feelings will make you feel less alone with your pain and will help you heal. Journaling can also be a helpful outlet for your feelings.
Remember that moving on is the end goal – Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.
Remind yourself that you still have a future – When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.
I'm afraid I can't be much help on how / when / where to do it but when it does end --
Don’t fight your feelings – It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process.
Talk about how you’re feeling – Even if it is difficult for you to talk about your feelings with other people, it is very important to find a way to do so when you are grieving. Knowing that others are aware of your feelings will make you feel less alone with your pain and will help you heal. Journaling can also be a helpful outlet for your feelings.
Remember that moving on is the end goal – Expressing your feelings will liberate you in a way, but it is important not to dwell on the negative feelings or to over-analyze the situation. Getting stuck in hurtful feelings like blame, anger, and resentment will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from healing and moving forward.
Remind yourself that you still have a future – When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.
Im definently going to take your advice on everything you said, but I know the jealousy will be there if or when she gets in another relationship. what would be some good strategies to help get over that?
Take it step by step, analyze what exactly it is that you are jealous of. The fact that your already jealous she MIGHT be with someone else is a sign of anxiety.. Focus on yourself right now.
Observe what triggers your jealousy. Certain situations will trigger an image or possibility in your mind that you dread. What are the images and possibilities that pop into your head when jealousy strikes?
Bite your tongue. When you feel jealousy taking over, don't react in a destructive way. Don't accuse, don't give the silent treatment, don't roll your eyes, and don't show any signs of displeasure. Try to do the opposite of what a jealous person would do. If a friend is going to spend time with someone else, for example, recommend a good movie or restaurant. If your partner is talking to someone else, leave them be. Do what a completely trusting person would do in your shoes, even if it makes you feel crazy. Jealous behavior can bring any kind of relationship to its knees, so nip it in the bud. Make time to discuss, using nonviolent communication, what made you feel jealous later, when the strong feelings of jealousy have passed, and you're not as likely to overreact.
Recognize that jealousy is a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you behave jealously, you don't respond to someone's behavior--you respond to what you believe someone's behavior implies. In other words, you're reacting to a scenario in your mind that you fear, but that hasn't happened yet, and might not happen at all. By playing with another adult, for example, your child isn't doing something inherently wrong. Neither is your partner who calls to offer condolences to their ex whose mother just died. But your negative reaction to what you believe their behavior implies (that someone else is somehow better than or more important than you) will make the person feel defensive and paranoid, because they're being accused of doing something bad. The more defensive and paranoid they get, the more suspicious and jealous you get. It's a vicious cycle that's difficult to reverse.
Build self confidence. Jealousy is usually a by-product of insecurity and low self-esteem. Sometimes it's a deep-rooted fear of abandonment that someone will leave you, or withdraw their love or attention from you because you're "not good enough"--if so, you need to learn that other people's behavior and lives are not a reflection on you. Confident people know that even when they are rejected or ridiculed, it's not always because they failed; sometimes people are just short-sighted. And even if they do fail, it doesn't reduce their worth; it simply means they need to learn something new.
Be Positive: Ultimately, jealousy is a fear-based behavior. You're spending a lot of time worrying about something bad that hasn't happened yet, and might not happen at all. In doing so, you're increasing the likelihood of bad things happening by fostering suspicion and distrust. Try to focus on the positive, instead. Be thankful for what you have. And remember that if someone is going to hurt you, there's nothing you can do to stop it anyway. No amount of nagging, monitoring, accusation, snooping, or guarding will prevent you from being hurt. If you believe in someone, believe in them completely; give them all your trust. The benefit of the doubt is essential for any relationship to work. And if you really don't trust them, if you really feel that the person is weak, deceptive, or otherwise untrustworthy, then don't associate with them. You deserve better.
Basically, build your own new life. Your life is only as good as you make it
The images that pops into my head that triggers my jealousy are:
1. Her laughing, while holding on to another guy that I feel is better looking than me.
2. Her being sexually satisfied by someone else...
3. Someone I personally know getting together with her
The whole paranoid/jealousy cycle is what killed my relationship. I wasnt the one who started it though, but I most def. participated.
Im not the type of person to distrust someone. If anything, Ive always been the person to trust people too easily, and forgive people at the drop of a dime.
Breaking up is tough man, I rather fake my own death.
When I broke up with my ex of 3 years, I did it in a secluded section of a park. It was a long, long talk but it had to happen. Your emotions will probably run wild and you'll start to only remember the good times you had together and question your own motives. Just keep in mind your reasons and stay strong!
Breaking up is tough man, I rather fake my own death.
When I broke up with my ex of 3 years, I did it in a secluded section of a park. It was a long, long talk but it had to happen. Your emotions will probably run wild and you'll start to only remember the good times you had together and question your own motives. Just keep in mind your reasons and stay strong!
Gah.....I think what I will do is end it on a good note(like how we are right now)
If you wouldnt mind, could I add you and we talk about this in more detail? Im looking to share my experience with someone who is going through a similar situation.
I felt it was a different topic and that 90% of the replies i kept getting was to my original post. This is a different topic.
Actually it's not and particularly since, judging from your recent comments on the other thread, you've no intention of doing anything other than continuing this aimless, unproductive and immature game.
Btw, noob question but what does OP mean? I know its referring to me
OP - "Original Poster" or "Original Post" depending on context.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
