Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,068,476 times
Reputation: 11862
Advertisements
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24
A lot of value judgements being made on respondents too. Isn't it a little presumptuous to suspect respondents are lying without knowing their stories?
I am my wife's best friend. Even when we started dating, she admitted she does not open up or relate much to her female friends (more like acquaintances). I judged her heart on her actions and found her to still be an amazing woman, even if she was not a huge socialite. (Of course, I am introverted too, so it made for a good match in that regard).
On the flip side, she did not hold my introverted tendancies against me either when deciding whether to date me.
Different strokes for different folks.
Well when I say 'I wonder' sometimes I really do just mean that. Not that I doubt.
It's just really acceptable to say everything is so equal, when in real life it is not, generally speaking. People always say yeah sure i'd date him/her despite this or that, but their behaviour is the proof.
I've met a few girls on the internet who seem to have no friends (apart from online ones), no social life, who are basically hermits, who still have boyfriends who they seem to spend a lot of their time with. On the other hand, I've never met a man with no friends who has a girlfriend. Do you think women are more judgemental on men who have no friends are total loners? Men seem to have fewer requirements about women aside from the physical and basic personality traits, whereas women seem to judge men a lot on the company they keep.
Do the vast majority of women steer clear of 'loners' even if they meet the other requirements? Do they seem them as either weird/creepy/or socially inept?
Or maybe guys who are loners just tend to lack the social skills to be good at dating to start with, maybe that's more it.
But again, it seems less a problem for girls. Girls can be super-shy and be approached all the time and still have a boyfriend.
I don't know of anyone who's judgmental of loners, male or female. Women do date loners. The more important issue for women is how the guy treats her.
Does it honestly really matter how many friends someone (man or woman) has?
For most people I've known, friendship is a very temporary, tenuous, or fleeting affair anyway, one that is easily and often broken by one of the parties to the friendship, with little or no consideration about how the other person might feel... (i.e., moving, transferring schools / colleges, professional workplace changes, other life changes, etc.).
For me, having a potential loving romantic interest is much, much more important, than having friends, hands-down.
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 01-18-2013 at 11:37 AM..
Reason: Correction
Really, Knight? Because I have to say, my life (and that of most people I know) is greatly enriched by friendships. My friends provide love, support, a lot of laughs and so much more. In turn, I know that makes me a happier person which makes me a better partner to my SO. Who, at the end of the day, is my friend as well as my partner.
Really, Knight? Because I have to say, my life (and that of most people I know) is greatly enriched by friendships. My friends provide love, support, a lot of laughs and so much more. In turn, I know that makes me a happier person which makes me a better partner to my SO. Who, at the end of the day, is my friend as well as my partner.
If that is your experience with all or most of your friendships, then congrats and I am genuinely happy for you; you are very blessed.
I probably haven't really had an [ETA: off-line] friendship like that (true friendship, that is) in somewhere between 15-20 years. I have found that as one grows older, those kinds of real, lasting friendships are harder and harder to come by. Living in D.C. doesn't really help either, as D.C. is basically the same as "Temporary Transplant City, USA". For the few friendships I have actually made since coming to D.C., in 1997, the friends pretty much bailed out, as soon as things became inconvenient for them; for example, if we were no longer in the same class at college or had graduated college, if they moved, and similar situations. Moreover, attempts by me to contact them afterward were unsuccessful, as they either didn't respond or stopped responding, after a certain amount of time. As a result, I have learned not to pin my hopes on friendships that one party feels can be so easily broken, without a second thought or glance about it...
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 01-18-2013 at 01:12 PM..
Does it honestly really matter how many friends someone (man or woman) has?
For most people I've known, friendship is a very temporary, tenuous, or fleeting affair anyway, one that is easily and often broken by one of the parties to the friendship, with little or no consideration about how the other person might feel... (i.e., moving, transferring schools / colleges, professional workplace changes, other life changes, etc.).
For me, having a potential loving romantic interest is much, much more important, than having friends, hands-down.
I actually understand what your coming from here. Almost all of my friendshuips have been ones of "convenience"--meaning we were classmates or coworkers. once that changed the friendships kinda dwindled into nothing. But that doesn't mean that friendships are inherently temporary. The say I see it, as long as a can make one or two real friends during the course of my life, I'll be satisfied.
I tend to be a loner, though I really do enjoy hanging out with people, so I don't mind loner guys. I've dated both loners and social butterflies and found that I preferred loners. The loner had no trouble focusing his attention on me and understood that I needed my alone time. We always did lots of fun things and occasionally hung out with other people, but I usually found that I enjoyed just being with him more than anything. There were times I wished we both knew more people to hang out with, but we didn't, since neither of us were from where we lived and found it hard to meet other reliable friends.
The social butterfly I dated was often impossible for me to deal with. He'd constantly invite his friends to join us for whatever we were doing. Or he'd change the plans I'd made with him, so that they were more convenient for the friends he decided to include without asking me. To top it off, they were usually new acquaintances because he was always meeting people and trying to make more friends. I put my foot down when he wanted to me drive an our out of my way to meet him and his new alcoholic friends for a late dinner when I'd been working 13 hour days and was completely exhausted. Our original plans included an early dinner closer to my home with no friends. He also never understood my need for alone time.
Give me the loner any day over the social butterfly, provided that he's not some socially inept creep.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
(i.e., moving, transferring schools / colleges, professional workplace changes, other life changes, etc.).
