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Old 01-22-2013, 07:27 PM
 
607 posts, read 736,534 times
Reputation: 378

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First, the date:

On Saturday I had dinner/drinks with a cute 30 year old on POF. (I am 24). She was a little quiet at first, but after a beer and some appetizers, she was very talkative, interesting, and pretty funny too. She has a career and everything. No kids.

She is super indie and has a lot of tattoos. Listens to hipster music and chit. Before we met, we were talking to get to know each other and I told her to watch Parks and Rec, and she loves it now, so +1 for me there.

I walked her to her car, gave her a hug. Went in for the kiss, and she laughed and blushed. Kinda turned away so I went for the cheek. After a quick peck on her cheek, she pulled me in again for another hug.

I had a nice evening. Bill came to 15, I paid 5. She insisted she pay more.

We planned that night to meet again on Friday (this coming Fri):

Now:
We've been texting back and forth since the date, just things about how our day has been and stuff. She's been very receptive.

All of a sudden today, we are texting, and:

she says, "I'm not very good at this."
And I say, "what?"
"Dating, and communicating. I get really stressed out."
"Well, I've only met you once, but I think you're good at dating. I had a lot of fun."
"Right, but it SHOULDN'T make me stressed out, you know what I mean?"
"Yes, I know. Maybe we can talk through it?"
"I just don't know if Im ready to date in my life right now"


What do I make of this? Am I the one stressing her out? I try not to text her to often, only like once a day since our date.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:37 PM
Status: "Beach time!" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,674 posts, read 11,081,079 times
Reputation: 13950
Quote:
Originally Posted by Badger55 View Post
First, the date:

On Saturday I had dinner/drinks with a cute 30 year old on POF. (I am 24). She was a little quiet at first, but after a beer and some appetizers, she was very talkative, interesting, and pretty funny too. She has a career and everything. No kids.

She is super indie and has a lot of tattoos. Listens to hipster music and chit. Before we met, we were talking to get to know each other and I told her to watch Parks and Rec, and she loves it now, so +1 for me there.

I walked her to her car, gave her a hug. Went in for the kiss, and she laughed and blushed. Kinda turned away so I went for the cheek. After a quick peck on her cheek, she pulled me in again for another hug.

I had a nice evening. Bill came to 15, I paid 5. She insisted she pay more.

We planned that night to meet again on Friday (this coming Fri):

Now:
We've been texting back and forth since the date, just things about how our day has been and stuff. She's been very receptive.

All of a sudden today, we are texting, and:

she says, "I'm not very good at this."
And I say, "what?"
"Dating, and communicating. I get really stressed out."
"Well, I've only met you once, but I think you're good at dating. I had a lot of fun."
"Right, but it SHOULDN'T make me stressed out, you know what I mean?"
"Yes, I know. Maybe we can talk through it?"
"I just don't know if Im ready to date in my life right now"


What do I make of this? Am I the one stressing her out? I try not to text her to often, only like once a day since our date.
As near as I can figure, she has changed her mind about you and is playing a fancy version of the "It's not you, it's me..." card.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:38 PM
 
607 posts, read 736,534 times
Reputation: 378
Quote:
Originally Posted by iknowftbll View Post
As near as I can figure, she has changed her mind about you and is playing a fancy version of the "It's not you, it's me..." card.
I considered this, too.

I wonder why. We were laughing the whole night and stuff. Oh well.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:40 PM
 
Location: North of 60
1,452 posts, read 1,699,764 times
Reputation: 1861
Ehhh, whatever, don't think much of it. See if she still wants to meet Friday, then see how things go. It's only one date, it went well, you did nothing wrong - if she decides to flake out or act silly, not much you can do. Don't start prodding her about her thoughts and feelings, that'll just give her more reason to pull away. Control what you can, my friend...about all you can do.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:41 PM
Status: "Beach time!" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,674 posts, read 11,081,079 times
Reputation: 13950
Quote:
Originally Posted by Badger55 View Post
I considered this, too.

I wonder why. We were laughing the whole night and stuff. Oh well.
I think it has happened to all of us. Keep your head up, good things often pop up when you least expect them.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:45 PM
 
1,866 posts, read 2,261,399 times
Reputation: 1446
Quote:
Originally Posted by Badger55 View Post
First, the date:

On Saturday I had dinner/drinks with a cute 30 year old on POF. (I am 24). She was a little quiet at first, but after a beer and some appetizers, she was very talkative, interesting, and pretty funny too. She has a career and everything. No kids.

She is super indie and has a lot of tattoos. Listens to hipster music and chit. Before we met, we were talking to get to know each other and I told her to watch Parks and Rec, and she loves it now, so +1 for me there.

I walked her to her car, gave her a hug. Went in for the kiss, and she laughed and blushed. Kinda turned away so I went for the cheek. After a quick peck on her cheek, she pulled me in again for another hug.

I had a nice evening. Bill came to 15, I paid 5. She insisted she pay more.

We planned that night to meet again on Friday (this coming Fri):

Now:
We've been texting back and forth since the date, just things about how our day has been and stuff. She's been very receptive.

All of a sudden today, we are texting, and:

she says, "I'm not very good at this."
And I say, "what?"
"Dating, and communicating. I get really stressed out."
"Well, I've only met you once, but I think you're good at dating. I had a lot of fun."
"Right, but it SHOULDN'T make me stressed out, you know what I mean?"
"Yes, I know. Maybe we can talk through it?"
"I just don't know if Im ready to date in my life right now"


What do I make of this? Am I the one stressing her out? I try not to text her to often, only like once a day since our date.
This is aggravating, She is 30 years old! She is not a child..OP honestly, dump her, someone who cannot communicate is not worth it anyway. Let her go be stressed out with someone else.
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Old 01-22-2013, 07:54 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,675 posts, read 44,277,792 times
Reputation: 24995
She is self doubting herself. Tell her think of it as a mingle not a date. More of a hanging out thing. She just needs to calm herself. I get all nervous in the beginning. It happens. Ask her what is really bothering her? Age thing? It's not bad fyi. Tell her you will spread the dates out more if she is nervous. It's not a 30 yr old thing. She's human. Hell I got nervous talking to a man at 35 on the phone. Chit happens.
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Old 01-22-2013, 08:13 PM
 
567 posts, read 850,846 times
Reputation: 291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Badger55 View Post
First, the date:

On Saturday I had dinner/drinks with a cute 30 year old on POF. (I am 24). She was a little quiet at first, but after a beer and some appetizers, she was very talkative, interesting, and pretty funny too. She has a career and everything. No kids.

She is super indie and has a lot of tattoos. Listens to hipster music and chit. Before we met, we were talking to get to know each other and I told her to watch Parks and Rec, and she loves it now, so +1 for me there.

I walked her to her car, gave her a hug. Went in for the kiss, and she laughed and blushed. Kinda turned away so I went for the cheek. After a quick peck on her cheek, she pulled me in again for another hug.

I had a nice evening. Bill came to 15, I paid 5. She insisted she pay more.

We planned that night to meet again on Friday (this coming Fri):

Now:
We've been texting back and forth since the date, just things about how our day has been and stuff. She's been very receptive.

All of a sudden today, we are texting, and:

she says, "I'm not very good at this."
And I say, "what?"
"Dating, and communicating. I get really stressed out."
"Well, I've only met you once, but I think you're good at dating. I had a lot of fun."
"Right, but it SHOULDN'T make me stressed out, you know what I mean?"
"Yes, I know. Maybe we can talk through it?"
"I just don't know if Im ready to date in my life right now"


What do I make of this? Am I the one stressing her out? I try not to text her to often, only like once a day since our date.

Man after the first date you should have at least waited 2 or 3 days to text her that's if you took the initiative to text first but if she texted you first it's cool to reply. But you can't appear to be thirsty,. Give her some space, don't force yourself on her. "I just don't know if I'm ready to date in my life right now". That's confirmation that she wants a lil space. Tell her like this " I understand, I'll give you some space"! She may be giving you a call soon. Word for word man. For future reference, when a woman make that decision that she wants space, don't try to talk her out of it.
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Old 01-22-2013, 08:19 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,370 posts, read 12,755,961 times
Reputation: 10319
She's not interested. Just because you had a great date doesn't mean you get to have another, nor does it mean you will have a relationship.
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Old 01-22-2013, 08:22 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,593 posts, read 17,168,542 times
Reputation: 13420
I've had splendid first dates with men that I would never consider having a relationship with. I mean I really liked them and all but I knew from some things that were said that it would never work out so best to keep moving. Many of those things that were said took some days to process too--seemed fine at the time that they were said but then I'd get to thinking about it and realize that if it wasn't exactly a red flag, it was for me anyway.
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