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Friends (and not "friends" but GOOD FRIENDS) also have honor to acknowledge or approximate the number of favors they asked and gave to each person within reasonable time, as well to know some "bigger" favors that they asked.
If someone feels like he/she is being used by someone else by being constantly called for instant-solution, either by constant petty tasks (like 5 times in a short row, never returning a favor) or something more demanding, then it's most probably one-sided "friendship". And best way to test it is by asking something bigger in return as a test. And that "something" isn't sex at all, more like some help/favor instead, even if you don't really need it. E.g. asking them to pay your bills for you, giving them money to do it (but pretend that you don't have time so that they do it when they go to pay their own bills). Good thing to see what they'll do, something like that is a good pointer itself. Or asking them to loan you money, but make up a good story not to be too aggressive... this is a bigger task of course.
Believe it or not, certain people ARE abusing, and it's not about gender, age, or status, it's about a type of character that they are.. because they don't see that they're doing that at all. So, expecting others to realize it by themselves is rather NOT the option, it's best to realize it yourself and set your actions accordingly to stop it in a polite way.
Well, unfortunately that is my reality and is a result of the child's father walking out on his marriage for another woman. So, his father gets to go have fun while I am now strapped with the stigma of 'another man's child' moving forward.
Men that are shallow enough to pass me by because of it I don't care to have in my life anyway. I don't have time for them.
Men that can open their minds and hearts to another man's child are the quiet heroes in this type of situation. There are those of them out there, I have witnessed their existence.
However, I am too busy being a single mom to a growing and developing child that amazes me more each day to cultivate a relationship right now. My only mission, which I am very clear and upfront about, when going out to dinner with someone is to have a social engagement with another human being that is not a family member or a child. I think a once a month outing like that is something I am entitled to, no?
LMAO! You mean the suckers out there desperate for love.
Friends (and not "friends" but GOOD FRIENDS) also have honor to acknowledge or approximate the number of favors they asked and gave to each person within reasonable time, as well to know some "bigger" favors that they asked.
If someone feels like he/she is being used by someone else by being constantly called for instant-solution, either by constant petty tasks (like 5 times in a short row, never returning a favor) or something more demanding, then it's most probably one-sided "friendship". And best way to test it is by asking something bigger in return as a test. And that "something" isn't sex at all, more like some help/favor instead, even if you don't really need it. E.g. asking them to pay your bills for you, giving them money to do it (but pretend that you don't have time so that they do it when they go to pay their own bills). Good thing to see what they'll do, something like that is a good pointer itself. Or asking them to loan you money, but make up a good story not to be too aggressive... this is a bigger task of course.
Believe it or not, certain people ARE abusing, and it's not about gender, age, or status, it's about a type of character that they are.. because they don't see that they're doing that at all. So, expecting others to realize it by themselves is rather NOT the option, it's best to realize it yourself and set your actions accordingly to stop it in a polite way.
I didn't realize one had to keep a tally list of the favors you do for friends... while I do believe there are one sided friendships, I also think it's ridiculous to only do things for your friends because you expect something in return.
As for the money thing, that's ridiculous. I've never been asked for money by friends (unless it was a few bucks for food or gas) and I've NEVER been asked to pay someones bills, and I can't think of a single time in my group of friends where one of us felt entitled to that. If you experience this often, perhaps you should find better friends.
Of course, I don't really feel the need to trick and test my friends to make sure they're loyal...
He said he could hang with you "just as friends." But isn't that just a nicety? Does it really mean you guys are gonna be hanging out and calling each other up like friends do? The fact that he felt the need to be clear and point out that you having a kid was too much for him and that he can only hang with you as "friends" is pretty awkward. It seems like he asked you out to din-din with the intent of seeing if you guys were compatible romantically. So now that he doesn't want to go that route, can you truly say that you guys will hang as "friends"?
Single moms do date and can have a good relationship with someone new so, yes, focus on your and your kid, but don't think that finding an SO is hopeless.
I didn't realize one had to keep a tally list of the favors you do for friends... while I do believe there are one sided friendships, I also think it's ridiculous to only do things for your friends because you expect something in return.
As for the money thing, that's ridiculous. I've never been asked for money by friends (unless it was a few bucks for food or gas) and I've NEVER been asked to pay someones bills, and I can't think of a single time in my group of friends where one of us felt entitled to that. If you experience this often, perhaps you should find better friends.
Of course, I don't really feel the need to trick and test my friends to make sure they're loyal...
You don't need to do lists or expect anything in return. It's rather the other person who should KNOW the difference between abusing "friendship" and being a friend... or being just someone who knows each other.
Let me tell you this. Unlike in western countries, most of the other world's companies function like this. When you go out, you act like a group. You pay things together. That's also a good way to see someone's personality though. NOT because you expect them to be robots. It's just that you notice when the same person keeps avoiding paying the rounds when others "expected" it's their turn, but then keeps planning for company gathering all the way. You just feel like scammed when it happens again and again and he gets the title of an a-hole.
You don't need to go for a specific test, like i said. If you feel cheated by certain friendship it's good to know how to distance yourself. You learn that as you get older though. Not everyone has the same upbringing and such people act like this - give them your finger and they'll tear your arm off. Friend doesn't do that and other friends don't need to make a listing. But if you do feel like being used, it's useful to try to see if that's REALLY the truth and over an extended period. You don't need to have 50-50 type of friendship, that's like a business partnership. In fact, you just need to use common sense.
So, like i said. Someone e.g. asks you to take his child over to the dentist. You're a friend of their and they obviously trust you when they do it, so you do it. But some people (not many) will repeat the procedure not just once or twice but they'll tell you that their child needs to go to that same dentist next Saturday or next month. And not because they can't manage to find time to do it themselves, but because they feel comfortable to use you, because they used you like 10 times already. Many people get into this position and it's very useful to use common sense to find a solution. You know why? Because after they used you 10 times some people feel entitled to do it again and again. If you go too straight-forward, they'll act as if you never helped. So it's good to know the way how to stop such practice in a good way. Not just for you, but for your wife/husband who sees that you're being used, your other friends, family members, and yourself.
This isn't a complaint, just amused perception since the going trend is men usually get friend zoned, not women.
How it started is I posted a vent about online networking on a social website. Of course, this attracted all kinds of male attention. One of them sent me a message asking me out to dinner.
Now, I'm pretty fresh in the dating scene after a very long relationship, and I do have a young child. I'm not exactly jumping into anything serious at this time - but, I certainly will take up an offer for dinner and conversation with another individual that is 1) not family, and 2) over the age of 1.
As a disclaimer, I did mention to him that I did have a young child, but my child is not involved in my social life at this time. Made it clear that I am only interested in social engagements so I can get out of the house, and if a friendship develops from there, so be it.
We met for dinner and it was nice. Had good conversation, no awkward or long silences, had a few common interests. Just a pleasant, no pressure dinner. As we wrapped up, he did ask how old my child is (almost 10 months old). Later that evening, I did send him a message thanking him for the nice time as I enjoyed the food and company. Didn't expect to hear anything from him again.
Yesterday, he sends me a note stating he didn't expect me to be as cool as I am or have so many things in common .. But, my child is too young for him. So, he'd be interested in grabbing a meal or doing something in the future, but just as friends.
There you go, guys... Ladies get friend-zoned, too.
At least he offered friendship. Usually when I tell women I deliver pizza they give me a disrespectful comment and don't offer me anything at all. I've come to the conclusion that women are enemies of the low income male.
Well, unfortunately that is my reality and is a result of the child's father walking out on his marriage for another woman. So, his father gets to go have fun while I am now strapped with the stigma of 'another man's child' moving forward.
Men that are shallow enough to pass me by because of it I don't care to have in my life anyway. I don't have time for them.
Men that can open their minds and hearts to another man's child are the quiet heroes in this type of situation. There are those of them out there, I have witnessed their existence.
However, I am too busy being a single mom to a growing and developing child that amazes me more each day to cultivate a relationship right now. My only mission, which I am very clear and upfront about, when going out to dinner with someone is to have a social engagement with another human being that is not a family member or a child. I think a once a month outing like that is something I am entitled to, no?
What's really hard about this is I know a few women right now that are in the same situation as you are. It's tough because you can't control what stage of life you are going to meet someone in. I've met some really down to earth women that seemed to be a ton of fun, but from issues with a past relationship, they aren't really ready for even a friendship with a guy. How does a guy teeter between the line of friendship and not coming off as if he wants more?
Your emotions are raw from not only having to take care of a small child, but your husband leaving you to go run the town. Yes, you are right, he is having all the fun while you are "stuck" to being a mom at home. At the same time, you have to protect your child at all cost, even at the risk of pushing away good guys.
It's a tough world these days, because men are not handling their responsibilities at all. Women are getting left picking up the pieces and are losing a lot of trust in humanity in the process. I think there's just as many good women getting screwed over, as there is decent women screwing themselves over. I've met a couple of single mom's that are just so cute and fun, but you can't force their hand to do something they aren't ready for. Even a friendship with a woman is hard today.....
He said he could hang with you "just as friends." But isn't that just a nicety? Does it really mean you guys are gonna be hanging out and calling each other up like friends do? The fact that he felt the need to be clear and point out that you having a kid was too much for him and that he can only hang with you as "friends" is pretty awkward. It seems like he asked you out to din-din with the intent of seeing if you guys were compatible romantically. So now that he doesn't want to go that route, can you truly say that you guys will hang as "friends"?
Single moms do date and can have a good relationship with someone new so, yes, focus on your and your kid, but don't think that finding an SO is hopeless.
This is somewhat true as well. It's something that I've been pondering for a while. It seems single mom's, or even women in general, say they want male friends, but they may never take the bait. I had a single mom tell me she wasn't ready for dating at all and wanted to be friends. Ok, cool with me. Where do I see her a couple weeks later? On a date with a guy. I think too many people lie in general about what they want. If you don't want to date that person in particular, then please say so! Don't make up some bullcrap excuse that you aren't ready to date, because in theory you are, you just don't want to date that person.
That's my goal for this year is to tell women I'm ok with us being friends, but we actually have to be friends. Friends hang out and build a friendship together. If she is not willing to invest in that kind of time, than I'm not interested in investing in being a text buddy or phone buddy either. As humans, we are wasting too much time on people who quite frankly just don't give a sh*t about their fellow man anymore. Everyone is out for what's best for them and hurting anyone they come into contact with in the process.
I'm fine with just being friends, but be real about it on your end too. I think that's why women make up the excuse that they aren't ready to date as well. I'm starting to wonder if women even want to be friends with the opposite sex. I've tried here and there over the years and it seems they either want a relationship or to continue searching for a relationship.
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