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I don't always believe this. Everyone has hobbies and obligations, but you also need down time to rest. I've met people who are busy all the time and they wonder why they can't meet a partner. If your partner doesn't share the same hobbies as you do, then you are going to have a hard time. In reality, you have to make time for a partner for them to fit in your lifestyle. Come March, I'll be busy through October mountain bike riding. That doesn't mean I don't have time for a date. People use the excuse of "busy" just because they don't want to hurt anyones feelings. Everyone rather send mixed signals and just let the chips fall. I would say 9/10 of people feel this way from online dating. I hear it from people that meet in real life too, but it's more like 2/10.
"busy" =/= not interested. "hey im doing something tonight but what about tomorrow?" = interested and interesting
Just The one I mentioned in the OP. It was possibly the reason why he wasn't interested in me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24
I think I know the type.... people who just are not happy to be settled in a relationship because there is not enough "challenge" in it. They live for getting into relationships, but not necessarily being in them.
I've dropped women who tried playing games with me like a bad habit. They're just not worth the time.
I can relate to that. I got tired of the games in my mid twenties. I was no saint though. If I thought a women was playing games, I went full throttle and was twice as bad. Not exactly a mature way of dealing with it, but that's just how annoyed and irritated I got from games. I thought like the op', if you like someone, what is the point of playing games? To me, they really do push me away. At least they did. Of course for years, I was at the other end of the spectrum. It didn't take much for me to dump someone. I had very little patience for game playing. This wasn't good either. Everyone to some extent (even if small) play small subtle games to get someone to like them more. Especially the young. They are the worst. Of course I've seen fifty year olds act more immature than fifteen year olds. So there are exceptions. I had to realize this, and learn to not be so critical. I've mentioned this before. I was the anti-doormat guy. I had to gain a bit more balance and learn to forgive little things and accept that's just the way it is. I would have never made it this long with my gf if either one of us played games. Game playing gets you nowhere in the end. So if I were single (I kind of hope I never will be again) and liked someone and she started playing games, I'm not going to stoop to her level anymore and get nasty and even, I'm just going to walk away. Just not my forte'.
In fact I can remember some of the girls I dated prior to my current gf. One girl, I was just thinking about how much I hated her because she was always so insecure that she continually felt the need to make me jealous. Boy she rubbed me wrong. Beautiful in body, but ugly in spirit. I look back and now I think that she was the type who always had to have attention. She was an attention wh*re. It wore me out quick and I got rid of her just as fast. But for some reason she sticks out in my mind. She thought she was slick. She loved guys fawning over her. I would notice her trying to be sly and check out other guys thinking I didn't notice it. As if she had choices. If you're with me, you don't have anymore choices unless you're going to dump me. Nobody's so special that they get too choose. The thing is is that I knew that she wasn't even interested in these other guys, she just wanted to lead them on to show me how many guys she could get. How immature and pathetic. That was it right there. See ya. She was like what did I do? I don't even think I answered her I was so sick of it. I just said something to the fact that we're just not right for each other. In my mind game playing had become over the years such a turn off. In my mind if you want to act aloof and act like your not sure whom you want to be with and act care free as if you were single. Then by all means beat it. I don't want you. Go find someone else. She was like, "but I love you", and I was like, " no you don't, you love attention." That I remember distinctively. Games just suck.
I have to admit that I do not understand why so many people either need the person they are going after to be a challenge or like to play like they are a challenge for someone who is going for them. To me, either someone is really attractive or not, and if I deem them as attractive, I'm going to want them, end of story. I don't need them to be a challenge or mystery in order for them to gain more of my attention. I do understand that this phenomenon works for people but I could never rely on this as the main motivator of my liking someone. I don't understand why people do this.
Sorry for the rant. I'm thinking back on a time when I liked this guy and this other guy told me that I needed to be more of a challenge. I thought to myself "What for? Either he likes me or he doesn't. I don't need him to be a challenge."
I totally get what you're saying. I hate games and I've always thought if you like someone why not let them know and that women should take equal responsibility in asking guys out, planning dates, showing interest, etc. But that attitude hasn't gotten me anywhere in dating. It seems like if you are open, honest, and and make your interest known then you get taken advantage of. I always thought if a guy I like calls and wants to see me and I'm sitting around watching TV then why not see him? But it seems if you do that then the guy thinks you're too available and he loses interest.
I've thought a lot about the way I've been dating and about how the "rules" say you should behave and I'd like to think there is a middle ground. You don't purposely play games with a guy but you don't stop everything for him right off the bat either. When he calls Friday night and asks if he can see you tomorrow you say no because you haven't been waiting around on him to call and you've been busy making plans so that you truly ARE busy and can't see him. I think it's human nature not to appreciate things that come to you too easily. And when a woman has to do most of the work to set up dates and initiate contact with a guy he just isn't that interested. If you can make a guy think of you as interesting and confident and doing just fine without him that's a lot more appealing then if he thinks you're sitting around waiting on him and he can put you on the back burner because he knows you'll be there waiting when he's ready.
Completely agree with Strawberrykiki.
Men admit it, if a woman is available too much, you loose interest. Of course, same can be said of men as well. It just where we draw the line. If someone is too unavailable (whether intentionally or unintentionally), then it becomes pointless to date them for most of us. It that delicate balance of challenge that all of us are looking for I think.
I think sometimes people get bored with things that come to them too easily.
I think a little bit of a challange is fun, but not too much, because then it just becomes a pain. I think the best kind of challange shouldn't be where a person doesn't tell the other one if they like them or not. More like take the dating proccess a little slower and don't give up everything right from the start.
Seems to me like everyone is just guessing and projecting what they think the opposite gender wants.
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