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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,037,872 times
Reputation: 11862
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Do women seriously think that most men can just turn it on and off like a switch? I mean it doesn't mean he's no longer in love with you, or something . Maybe men are better able to separate love and lust, and some women aren't even aware of this? I'm not saying you should be ogling other women, but I've seen lots of posts complaining about their man checking out porn, or even just 'checking out' other women. As long as they don't stray, I personally don't see the harm in it, and I don't think I'd mind if my SO did the same. I mean that's how we're wired, especially men. I just think it's weird and inconsistent to be so pro-exclusivity, but then expect that you'll break up with your partner or expect that he's slept with say 10 women in the past. If you have trust in your partner it shouldn't threaten your relationship. I just think sometimes women expect too much of men, or expect them to be too much like them.
Problem is that most men who do this also treat women IN their lives like objects. (not all, but too many)
Guess what? Women are wired to compete. So just deal with that. So you can date a girl who attracts just as much attention or one who doesn't., and see which meets your wandering eye need better.
But don't complain your girl is a skank if that is what your eyes always wander to along with the whole room. And don't complain when the button down girl puts you in check because its against her grain. This is how two different types compete.
Its just major insecurities that most women deal with. Its in their nature and there is nothing you can do to change it. This morning my GF woke me up on the way to work, on my day off nonetheless, to tell me that we need few days apart because she cant handle a conversation with me about flirting without getting upset. I told her that I dont see light flirting as such a big deal, because its fun and doesnt threaten annything because I trust her and she should trust me as well, considering I have never given her a reason not to.
I can flirt with several women at a time, with clear understanding that thats as far as it goes, from all parties involved. SHe thinks flirting is disrespectful and if she sees me ever strike up a conversation with a woman I dont know, she flips a lid. This happened once, on NYE party, when I went up to order a drink and there was a girl sitting right next to me and I asked her how long the current DJ has been on and if he was any good, since we just walked in minutes prior. Of course she freaked out about it, and we almost split up over it. Jealous and insecure IMO. Insecurity is a feminine trait, and its part of the package for each man to deal with.
I think a lot of women simply have a problem with her guy overtly checking out other women right in front of her. No, I do not expect my husband to not find other women attractive but come on, have some respect for your wife and some self control for crying out loud and refrain from doing it right in front of me as though I'm not even there. Thankfully, I am speaking hypothetically because my husband DOES respect me by not doing it in front of me.
As for porn - it doesn't bother me as long as he is not turning down sex with me. But I know some women feel as though it means he'd rather watch porn than have sex with her. I don't feel that is the case in my relationship but every relationship is different. If you felt like your partner would rather watch porn than have sex with you, wouldn't you consider that a problem?
Constantly checking out other women or flirting with other women in front of your SO is just downright disrespectful. If you can't understand that - well, good luck to you. Looking at porn to masturbate when your SO is not home - that's fine. Sometimes the mood strikes and your SO just isn't there.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,037,872 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012
Its just major insecurities that most women deal with. Its in their nature and there is nothing you can do to change it. This morning my GF woke me up on the way to work, on my day off nonetheless, to tell me that we need few days apart because she cant handle a conversation with me about flirting without getting upset. I told her that I dont see light flirting as such a big deal, because its fun and doesnt threaten annything because I trust her and she should trust me as well, considering I have never given her a reason not to.
I can flirt with several women at a time, with clear understanding that thats as far as it goes, from all parties involved. SHe thinks flirting is disrespectful and if she sees me ever strike up a conversation with a woman I dont know, she flips a lid. This happened once, on NYE party, when I went up to order a drink and there was a girl sitting right next to me and I asked her how long the current DJ has been on and if he was any good, since we just walked in minutes prior. Of course she freaked out about it, and we almost split up over it. Jealous and insecure IMO. Insecurity is a feminine trait, and its part of the package for each man to deal with.
Well I know plenty of extremely insecure men. I'm pretty insecure myself. But yeah, I'm actually far from the type who would blatantly flirt etc with other women, but I do tend to check out women without realising it, but it's usually only a quick look, not like I'm lusting over them and getting turned on there and there, usually not at least.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,037,872 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Opsimathia
Problem is that most men who do this also treat women IN their lives like objects. (not all, but too many)
Guess what? Women are wired to compete. So just deal with that. So you can date a girl who attracts just as much attention or one who doesn't., and see which meets your wandering eye need better.
But don't complain your girl is a skank if that is what your eyes always wander to along with the whole room. And don't complain when the button down girl puts you in check because its against her grain. This is how two different types compete.
I think men expect too much of women.
I agree that is often the case, but these men can also genuinely love you for who you are as a person, but just be less able to control that side of their nature. I don't see how the two have to be totally intertwined.
Constantly checking out other women or flirting with other women in front of your SO is just downright disrespectful. If you can't understand that - well, good luck to you. Looking at porn to masturbate when your SO is not home - that's fine. Sometimes the mood strikes and your SO just isn't there.
This notion of perceived "respect" causes more problems than anything else...
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Well I know plenty of extremely insecure men. I'm pretty insecure myself. But yeah, I'm actually far from the type who would blatantly flirt etc with other women, but I do tend to check out women without realising it, but it's usually only a quick look, not like I'm lusting over them and getting turned on there and there, usually not at least.
Its completely natural for a man to look, and its based on instinct and not part of conscious decision making. The reason some men pretend not to do it, is simply out of respect for their SO and the fact that they know about their SO insecurities. There is nothing wrong with looking, in fact we should do it in a proud, shameless and fearless manner. The problem is someones inability to understand that its all that is and dealing with it.
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. Maybe men are better able to separate love and lust, and some women aren't even aware of this? I'm not saying you should be ogling other women, but I've seen lots of posts complaining about their man checking out porn, or even just 'checking out' other women. As long as they don't stray, I personally don't see the harm in it, and I don't think I'd mind if my SO did the same. I mean that's how we're wired, especially men. I just think it's weird and inconsistent to be so pro-exclusivity, but then expect that you'll break up with your partner or expect that he's slept with say 10 women in the past. If you have trust in your partner it shouldn't threaten your relationship. I just think sometimes women expect too much of men, or expect them to be too much like them.
