Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I called her Tuesday from a blocked caller ID landline and got voicemail. I had my cellphone off intentionally, not to avoid her but to avoid clients to get work done. I told her I'd call back last night but was too tired/consumed with work (been working at night lately).
Stringing this out a little on purpose, but I am legitimately busy through tax time. (Posting here allows me to keep my sanity believe it or not.)
Here's what I was thinking of doing ...
1. Going out on the date Saturday. If everything went as well as it did last Saturday, I was going to have my little heart-to-heart moment. I was going to call her out on the stuff I found on the internet and here is what I was going to say:
a. Because of my line of work I have to be careful about who I associate with (white lie but true at the end of the day).
b. Bring out the stuff I found on the internet AND call her out on suckering me into paying the parking ticket.
c. Call her out about who paid for her fine, that I know those people and their entire circle and am well aware about how shady they are and how that doesn't really give me the warm and fuzzies about her. Guilt by association. Could she be a moll? But then again, this was in 2004 and like me she might have gotten sucked in unintentionally. (Passing bad checks was in 1998 and it was dropped.)
d. Basically tell her I am a normal middle class person and if she's looking at this as a way to snag a boyfriend who has a lot of money and is going to give her a lot of money, pay for stuff and things like that, that she's wasting both my time and hers.
e. I was also going to disclose that the master con artist (ex bookie) who tried every trick in the book to gain favor with me was part of the same circle as were other people I've encountered over the years. In fact the guy who paid her fines before was at the ex-bookie's funeral!!! Talk about a small world!!!
f. That if she had any skeletons in her closet she needed to disclose them NOW, because if something comes out later that I don't like she will have wasted my time, but especially hers! I really do have pretty high standards about the people I want around me.
Of course, I will say all this as diplomatically as possible. But my idea of diplomacy might not be that of somebody else's!
I really like her personality type a lot. If this is a decent person I really want to give her a chance. After all, her sister is a doctor so how bad could she really be? And I know that doesn't mean anything, but often it does.
On the other hand, I also know this personality type seems to go hand-in-hand with some other issues we were talking about such as addictions and whatnot.
I am conversing with someone else on the internet right now (pretty good for a fat guy, huh?) so it's not like I'm desperate. I'm pretty sure I'll get at least one outing out of it. Point being, it's not like I'm desperate or anything.
Thoughts? Too much for a second date? Or should I just cut her loose?
I called her Tuesday from a blocked caller ID landline and got voicemail. I had my cellphone off intentionally, not to avoid her but to avoid clients to get work done. I told her I'd call back last night but was too tired/consumed with work (been working at night lately).
Stringing this out a little on purpose, but I am legitimately busy through tax time. (Posting here allows me to keep my sanity believe it or not.)
Here's what I was thinking of doing ...
1. Going out on the date Saturday. If everything went as well as it did last Saturday, I was going to have my little heart-to-heart moment. I was going to call her out on the stuff I found on the internet and here is what I was going to say:
a. Because of my line of work I have to be careful about who I associate with (white lie but true at the end of the day).
b. Bring out the stuff I found on the internet AND call her out on suckering me into paying the parking ticket.
c. Call her out about who paid for her fine, that I know those people and their entire circle and am well aware about how shady they are and how that doesn't really give me the warm and fuzzies about her. Guilt by association. Could she be a moll? But then again, this was in 2004 and like me she might have gotten sucked in unintentionally. (Passing bad checks was in 1998 and it was dropped.)
d. Basically tell her I am a normal middle class person and if she's looking at this as a way to snag a boyfriend who has a lot of money and is going to give her a lot of money, pay for stuff and things like that, that she's wasting both my time and hers.
e. I was also going to disclose that the master con artist (ex bookie) who tried every trick in the book to gain favor with me was part of the same circle as were other people I've encountered over the years. In fact the guy who paid her fines before was at the ex-bookie's funeral!!! Talk about a small world!!!
f. That if she had any skeletons in her closet she needed to disclose them NOW, because if something comes out later that I don't like she will have wasted my time, but especially hers! I really do have pretty high standards about the people I want around me.
Of course, I will say all this as diplomatically as possible. But my idea of diplomacy might not be that of somebody else's!
I really like her personality type a lot. If this is a decent person I really want to give her a chance. After all, her sister is a doctor so how bad could she really be? And I know that doesn't mean anything, but often it does.
On the other hand, I also know this personality type seems to go hand-in-hand with some other issues we were talking about such as addictions and whatnot.
I am conversing with someone else on the internet right now (pretty good for a fat guy, huh?) so it's not like I'm desperate. I'm pretty sure I'll get at least one outing out of it.
Thoughts? Too much for a second date? Or should I just cut her loose?
Honestly, this seems like a lot to deal with for someone you've only been out with one time. The second date should just be fun getting to know each other, not talking about such serious stuff IMO. If you're already having to bring up issues (like the parking ticket) on the 2nd date, I don't think that bodes well for the future. Plus, you don't really know her. Most people have excuses ready for bad behavior...how can you be sure what she tells you about her past is even the truth? Assuming she's not so completely p*ssed off and creeped out that you did a background check on her in the first place that she even bothers to explain herself.
Honestly, this seems like a lot to deal with for someone you've only been out with one time. The second date should just be fun getting to know each other, not talking about such serious stuff IMO. If you're already having to bring up issues (like the parking ticket) on the 2nd date, I don't think that bodes well for the future. Plus, you don't really know her. Most people have excuses ready for bad behavior...how can you be sure what she tells you about her past is even the truth? Assuming she's not so completely p*ssed off and creeped out that you did a background check on her in the first place that she even bothers to explain herself.
Yeah, it is much. If this were just a normal, boring, polite date I never would have started this thread. That's why I'm struggling here and going against what my gut tells me which is normally the wrong thing to do. If only the conversation didn't flow so well, this decision would have been a lot easier.
That said, if you know what I did for a living and the fact that I deal with decent amounts of money that require me to be bonded sometimes, you would know that I can't really have the criminal element around me. It might not sit any better with someone, but that is the truth.
Honestly I wouldn't bring it up unless she starts on needing money or something.
I do have a very pressing need to cut to the chase on the issue of the guy who paid her fines though. Think of some of the country clubs and professional circles and how people seem to rub elbows with each other and network. These circles often operate in the shadier world to an amazing degree and this is something that needs to be put to bed or I won't continue pursuing this.
But then again, I was rubbing elbows with these people because I had some of them as clients. So there could be an innocent explanation.
I think if I bring up the fact that she's not likely to get anything out of me because I simply don't do that, that should scare off the scammer shouldn't it?
Wait a minute - you organised an internet date and before you even met her, you snooped out her personal records?
This is a massive and inexcusable breach of privacy in my opinion.
I hope she's reading this too, and runs like the wind, far far away.
You don't even appear the slightest bit ashamed to have gone all PI-stalky on her just over one coffee date.
What on earth did you think she was going to do? Slip you a mickey and steal your kidneys?
What a horrible, suspicious way to "get to know" someone.
FWIW - I don't care if someone was involved in the Great Train Robbery, as long as they treat me well. Everyone deserves a second chance and punishment is all about paying the price for your mistakes, which this girl has done.
I cannot believe your preparation for a first date includes running a background check and no one but me seems to think this is borderline psychotic.
Yeah, it is much. If this were just a normal, boring, polite date I never would have started this thread. That's why I'm struggling here and going against what my gut tells me which is normally the wrong thing to do. If only the conversation didn't flow so well, this decision would have been a lot easier.
That said, if you know what I did for a living and the fact that I deal with decent amounts of money that require me to be bonded sometimes, you would know that I can't really have the criminal element around me. It might not sit any better with someone, but that is the truth.
Given what you know about her already and given that your job requires you not to be around anyone involved in criminal activity, then it seems you know what to do. Really a no brainer. No matter how good the date was (parking ticket aside) it's not like you really know this person or are invested in them. Why take a chance?
Wait a minute - you organised an internet date and before you even met her, you snooped out her personal records?
This is a massive and inexcusable breach of privacy in my opinion.
I hope she's reading this too, and runs like the wind, far far away.
You don't even appear the slightest bit ashamed to have gone all PI-stalky on her just over one coffee date.
What on earth did you think she was going to do? Slip you a mickey and steal your kidneys?
What a horrible, suspicious way to "get to know" someone.
FWIW - I don't care if someone was involved in the Great Train Robbery, as long as they treat me well. Everyone deserves a second chance and punishment is all about paying the price for your mistakes, which this girl has done.
I cannot believe your preparation for a first date includes running a background check and no one but me seems to think this is borderline psychotic.
Bizarre.
I don't feel any remorse whatsoever. Information is power.
In real life you meet people through family, friends or work so there is already a comfort level there. What do you really know about someone you met from the internet?
It's on the internet for a reason. You're a fool if you don't use all information at your disposal.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
