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I decided to bite the bullet and give my guy a chance. It's amazing what 5 years, some time together, and, and a healthy motivation to lose weight/be healthy will do. We're going strong together as a couple, and we're exercising together .
Honestly, I think many women date men who they have a greater emotional than physical attraction to. I've heard many times from female friends that the guy they are with they didn't find attractive at all, but as time went on it grew. For females, I think if a man treats them more like a woman than a sex object, she will be willing to date him even if she doesn't care for him physically.
I decided to bite the bullet and give my guy a chance. It's amazing what 5 years, some time together, and, and a healthy motivation to lose weight/be healthy will do. We're going strong together as a couple, and we're exercising together .
That being said, I think people make too much of not being superficial. It's perfectly acceptable to want an attractive partner, or a fit partner, or a partner with red hair. If that makes you overly superficial in the eyes of some, so be it.
That being said, I think people make too much of not being superficial. It's perfectly acceptable to want an attractive partner, or a fit partner, or a partner with red hair. If that makes you overly superficial in the eyes of some, so be it.
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a partner who you find physically attractive. Let's be honest: physical attraction is a good part of what makes a romantic, long-term relationship work. But it is by no means the only thing.
I was accused by one person on this thread of being superficial b/c I struggled with the fact that my guy was obese with bad acne. But the truth of the matter was that those were two giant red flags that made someone unattractive for me, personally. At the time, I did my best to try and overlook them., instead of being honest with myself and acknowledging that it wasn't going to work.
Thank God, my boyfriend has lost 15 lbs and is working to lose 40 by the end of December. He's making strides and is motivated, and that fact is attractive to me. He's definitely not where he needs to be, but I'm so proud of him for working to be fit, and overall, healthy.
I think that for many people, encountering someone who openly pursues a mate for one primary reason (be it fitness, looks, red hair, etc) is worrisome b/c of many things a human being is made,...meaning we're not all who we are simply b/c we're thin, or fat, or have black hair, or red hair,etc.
But I agree...there's nothing wrong with having preferences, and as long as they're not rooted in ignorance or irrational biased views, it's okay.
I think that for many people, encountering someone who openly pursues a mate for one primary reason (be it fitness, looks, red hair, etc) is worrisome b/c of many things a human being is made,...meaning we're not all who we are simply b/c we're thin, or fat, or have black hair, or red hair,etc.
Sure, a human is made of many things. I just don't think it's anybody's place to be the arbiter of how many things someone needs to look for in a partner. A preference is a preference. The fact that one or two attributes might dwarf the rest in importance to some people doesn't make their preferences any less valid than those who want a multitude of things in their partner.
Believe it or not, I have some experience with those "arranged" marriages, although that usually isn't the correct terminology. Despite popular opinion, you couldn't be any further from the truth in most cases when you say that the couple did "not have a choice".
Back in the old days in a place like say, Greece or Sicily, people did indeed try to play matchmaker and the families would often talk about their kids getting together. And, in a way, there was a lot of wisdom here that is lost upon all the pop culture people in America. If the families knew each other, they already knew what kind of family they were dealing with. If they were friends or acquaintances, even better.
Buried into what most people think is a primitive process, is the reality that like attracts like. People who are friendly with each other or travel in the same circles already have a connection. Therefore, it is not so far-fetched that their kids are also going to have a connection.
The other thing most people don't get is that except in the most primative societies (think back in the mountains in Afghanistan), the children virtually ALWAYS have veto power. No parent is going to force their kid to marry (or even meet) someone they're repulsed by, except in the most extreme cases. Thus, these so-called "arranged" marriages weren't so much "arranged" as it was another form of networking ... and a very smart and efficient form of networking, I might add.
The other thing people miss is this: My grandparents were the product of a very successful arranged marriage ... but they already liked each other before they got "arranged". Sometimes, the "arranging" was just facilitating what was already going on, but with the family's seal of approval.
The current system people just pick whoever they meet and they click with, without consideration of these soft qualities you can only know the way the families do has proven to be far less successful than some of the ways people consider to be primitive without knowing what really is going on. There are good and bad points to both systems, but you still can't beat the familiarity and I believe that's why the majority of arranged marriages have been successful.
Excellent post. Elizabeth Gilbert, who researched marriage in different cultures for her book Committed said many of the same things you do in this interview:
If you look at the history of marriage, anytime you see a conservative culture of arranged marriage being replaced by a more liberal culture of romantic marriage ... you will see divorce rates start to rise immediately.
I decided to bite the bullet and give my guy a chance. It's amazing what 5 years, some time together, and, and a healthy motivation to lose weight/be healthy will do. We're going strong together as a couple, and we're exercising together .
When you get older your tastes change naturally. My husband was 18 when I started dating him. He's 48 now. I like him fit but he need not compete with 18 year olds. And I currently dislike gray hair immensely but perhaps when I'm in my 70s or 80s, I'll find it attractive. I have several girlfriends who prefer older men and find younger, physically fit men repulsive and childlike. We're attracted to what we are attracted to but what attracts you at 16 will not be what necessarily attracts you at 50.
I'm not ready to date right now, after having gotten out of a rather difficult and very painful situation recently that I'm still dealling with...
As my luck would have it, another ex contacted me today. I was completely surprised to hear from him, as I hadn't seen/heard from him in 5 years.
Long story short, I met him via the internet several years ago. He was such a great person and I was definitely attracted to him emotionally/intellectually. I couldn't ask for a better match for myself. HOWEVER, when I first met him, I could not set aside that I was very physically NOT attracted to him. I tried my best to really allow the emotional aspect of us to really be my driving force. And for a little while, it worked. I'm not superficial in the least bit, and will never date someone solely for looks. But physically, I just couldnt...
We dated for a few weeks and as my luck would have it, he just disappeared out of thin air (I later learned he had a severe anxiety disorder that he was battling with and needed to deal with the issues surrounding that before further proceeding). He looked like this, +300lbs, +bad acne..
Now he's back, and I'm not sure what to do.
Have you ever been in this situation? How did it turn out?
Physical attractiveness is important don't apologize for it. If you can't get passed it move on nothing wrong with that.
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