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Listen, as Tina Turner said, "What's love got to do with it?" if I love you for the person you are I would give 2 sh*ts about what money you have and get. I would want you, "...for better or for worse, till death do us part..." I would want you if we live in a 4 million dollar estate or state subsidized housing (yuck). None of us are God and have no way of knowing what and when, will happen to us.
So, play Russian roulette with your life and financial security or do what is best to protect yourself from any unforeseen circumstances. Think of it as insurance, we pay for it, hate the payments, but if we don't have it when sh*t happens, then it's worse.
Anyone who plays the "...if you really love me then we shouldn't do the prenup..." in my book, they have something, somewhere to hide at your expense. And sooner or later you'll find out why...
well, feel free to think the way you do, this is a free country. But if a man does not believe I am entitled to half of the asset built during our marriage, this is not the type of man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Period. I am not lonely enough to jump on every loser on the street.
All my exes trusted me that I won't screw them over financially. My ex gave me $50,000 to start one of my own business. After he died (suicide), I used my own money to start a trust fund account for his daughter. I don't associate with paranoid people who refuse to trust.
But that is just me. I am not here to force my opinion on anybody.
Like I posted pages ago, I am a trust fund baby, I will have inheritance, I have family businesses to take care of, I've witnessed premature death, I won't reject the very idea of prenup. I might consider having one just to protect myself and my future spouse from being screwed over by third party.(State) It depends on the purpose of that prenup. I would imagine the guy who wants to spend the rest of his life with me will also believe I deserve half of the assets built during our marriage. I will never take what I don't deserve.
Some of us grew up with financial savvy people, some of us also grew up with people with big hearts. We are all different. If you must have a prenup, go get one. But is it mandatory for all couples? I doubt it.
well, feel free to think the way you do, this is a free country. But if a man does not believe I am entitled to half of the asset built during our marriage, this is not the type of man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Period. I am not lonely enough to jump on every loser on the street.
All my exes trusted me that I won't screw them over financially. My ex gave me $50,000 to start one of my own business. After he died (suicide), I used my own money to start a trust fund account for his daughter. I don't associate with paranoid people who refuse to trust.
But that is just me. I am not here to force my opinion on anybody.
Like I posted pages ago, I am a trust fund baby, I will have inheritance, I have family businesses to take care of, I've witnessed premature death, I won't reject the very idea of prenup. I might consider having one just to protect myself and my future spouse from being screwed over by third party.(State) It depends on the purpose of that prenup. I would imagine the guy who wants to spend the rest of his life with me will also believe I deserve half of the assets built during our marriage. I will never take what I don't deserve.
Some of us grew up with financial savvy people, some of us also grew up with people with big hearts. We are all different. If you must have a prenup, go get one. But is it mandatory for all couples? I doubt it.
Whoa, there, chill. I never said anything about financial gains in marriage as also that is the focus of many state divorce laws. I was talking about what you have pre-marriage. Yes, it's a free country and yes, not everyone has alteria motives, I fully understand. When one posts a query on any board you're asking for people's opinion which you will get. The nice all the way to what in your minds eye is not nice. I am truly happy for those whose life experiences have always rewarded their trust in humans with positive results and not being taken advantage of. I wasn't implying you would do such for I believe your inquiry was about your current pre-marrital assets. I unfortunately have not had such luck in trusting people and have paid the price and was sharing my experience and take on such. Best to you..
Whoa, there, chill. I never said anything about financial gains in marriage as also that is the focus of many state divorce laws. I was talking about what you have pre-marriage. Yes, it's a free country and yes, not everyone has alteria motives, I fully understand. When one posts a query on any board you're asking for people's opinion which you will get. The nice all the way to what in your minds eye is not nice. I am truly happy for those whose life experiences have always rewarded their trust in humans with positive results and not being taken advantage of. I wasn't implying you would do such for I believe your inquiry was about your current pre-marrital assets. I unfortunately have not had such luck in trusting people and have paid the price and was sharing my experience and take on such. Best to you..
well, I understand what you are saying. I think this thread is necessary and educational. However, you do understand that this kind of thread always attracts folks who believe those get married without prenup are stupid. When somebody say "If you don't sign a prenup, I think you have something to hide", what do you say to people like that?
Well, everybody is different. If you want a prenup, go get one. But don't be surprised if other couples don't need one or want one.
well, I understand what you are saying. I think this thread is necessary and educational. However, you do understand that this kind of thread always attracts folks who believe those get married without prenup are stupid. When somebody say "If you don't sign a prenup, I think you have something to hide", what do you say to people like that?
Well, everybody is different. If you want a prenup, go get one. But don't be surprised if other couples don't need one or want one.
Yes, I understand that my frame of reference and mindset is not the same as others, thank God. We'd all be like Stepford Wives kinda people, clones, boring. I very much enjoy "meeting of the minds" one reason I miss college so much. I notice also sometimes, not always, a defensiveness that occurs often, rather than understanding we're all not the same. I also am aware that I too may change and eat my own words for I don't know what lays ahead. For now...no harm, no foul...
Yes, I understand that my frame of reference and mindset is not the same as others, thank God. We'd all be like Stepford Wives kinda people, clones, boring. I very much enjoy "meeting of the minds" one reason I miss college so much. I notice also sometimes, not always, a defensiveness that occurs often, rather than understanding we're all not the same. I also am aware that I too may change and eat my own words for I don't know what lays ahead. For now...no harm, no foul...
Women, how many of you would have said "I do" to your husband if he would have asked you to sign a prenup beforehand?
Men, how many of you would say "I do" to a woman who asked you to sign a prenup?
As a male, I used to wonder about asking a prospective wife for a prenup (thinking it would inject negativity, sourness, distrust or just a general bad vibe into the relation to ask such a thing). Now I simply will not go into a marriage if there isn't a solid pre-nup made out between us beforehand. And, for that matter, if SHE has much more in monies and assets than I did, I would say to HER that we should make out a pre-nup so that she KNOWS that I am not pre-planning to make my way into her monies and assets. For that matter, regardless of her own level of monies and assets (lesser or greater or the same as mine), I would state the need for a pre-nup between us myself if she didn't already ask ME herself.
In summary, a mature and sensible (and yes, a moral) woman should understand. It is me saying to her "Look, even with the very best of intentions and efforts on our part, sometimes relationships or marriages don't work out and come to an end. I just need to be sure that, if our marriage ends, I can have the funds and assets to take care of myself in my remaining years until my time comes to leave this life. I would think that you can understand that. And, if two people are truly over with each other, why should one person or the other person be making continual payments to the other person for life (and especially when there are no children or dependents they've had with each other)? As far as I'm concerned, when it is over, it is over and both should move on and let each other live out their respective lives and not look to destroy the other person and reduce them to poverty (especially in their senior years).
My view is (or has become): Whatever you came into the marriage with, you leave the marriage with and no more . . . unless one person or the other person (or both persons) decide to give extra of their own funds or assets as a parting gesture to the other person after-the-fact (i.e., above & beyond what the pre-nuptial agreement dictates). That is, their deciding to give the other person any extra funds or assets after the dissolution of the marriage should be wholly voluntary (like a gift), not a legally-mandated requirement. Of course, if some monies or assets were mutually earned or gained together as a couple, then those can be split 50-50 or whatever other division of assets is legally agreed upon.
If the woman is turned off by my bringing up a prenuptial, that can't be helped and then I guess I can't be with her. Hence, it should be talked about early (i.e., a good time before actual marriage plans are made) to see if it is a deal breaker or not for one person or the other. As commenter Hivermind31 said earlier: "What's to stop me from finding someone rich, throwing a bunch of 'this isn't really a marriage' guilt at them to avoid a prenup, and then taking them to the cleaners. Such people exist in society...in droves. To avoid such a precedent, I feel that prenups should be accepted as appropriate to the marriage contract."
I like the idea of the prenup that sends a cheating spouse away with nothing but their clothes. I wonder if that's enforceable?
It's all about being fair. If you are young and have nothing, why bother? But older folks probably do have premarital assets that should be protected. You should be able to keep what you had before you got married. That would be no problem for me.
I know one couple who had a prenup signed. Allegedly he was bringing wealth into the marriage from his "wrestling." He does local semi-pro WWE like wrestling. I do not think she had a lot of money coming in and is basically a normal wage $17 an hour worker. She was the one who insisted on it.
I think it was mostly for peace of mind.
My wife and I do not have one but it did not seem necessary and I saw no reason to make future material greed the focal point of our marriage preparations.
To each their own I guess.
It is not a matter of "future material greed" as you decided to phrase it (or at least not on MY part). It is a need to preserve myself in my senior years (which I have already entered, having turned 60 recently) if the marriage comes apart for whatever reason(s). I will have nothing else to fall back on and my assets are my lifeline. I'm not looking to have her (the would-be wife) come out of it destroyed upon the dissolution of a marriage but neither should I come out of it destroyed either. If she can't understand that, then that is unfortunate. She shouldn't be marrying me-- and I shouldn't be marrying her -- to serve primarily (if not nearly exclusively) as a financial savior for one another. ANYONE can serve that purpose for you. Be with ME primarily and centrally because you want to be with the unique PERSON that is me. I understand the need and desire for financial security and yet I myself would not ever look to be dependent on an EX-wife to support me for the remainder of my natural life (and we wouldn't have even had children together to make it necessary for either of us to make child support payments).
These debates always crack me up. I don't know anyone who got a prenup and I don't really know anyone who needed one. If you want one - then get one. People act like they should be mandatory. They aren't illegal - so if it's important to you, it is entirely possible to draw one up. Neither my husband nor I even thought about having one - we were getting married, not planning for divorce. We had the same mentality regarding our marriage. It worked for us. Others can do what works for them. It's no skin off my back if people want a prenup just like it should be no skin off their backs if other people do not.
There is no "debating" with anyone here (at least not on my part). I am not here at all to tell anyone else how to feel about this issue, for it is a purely personal decision and whatever anyone else does regarding this matter is their own business (they won't get any lip from me at all about it). I am only here stating how I myself have come to feel about the issue ONLY FOR MYSELF.
And know that I was not always inclined to go for a pre-nup. For decades, I even had a gut-level aversion to the very idea . . . thinking that it would be so very unromantic to suggest such a thing to a woman that I otherwise loved and would inject distrust and bad feelings into a relationship or a prospective marriage (like the woman would think of me "What, you don't trust me to care about your welfare and well-being, even if we should part in the future? You think that I am that type of person?" and so on). But after having thought about it in my later years and having had enough experience with women-at-large and with life-at-large, now I have to insist on a pre-nuptial to preserve my financial foundation if I and the would-be wife should have to dissolve our marriage. And I would say the same for her and would, in fact, offer HER a pre-nup without her even asking ME first to agree to one (to convey to her that "See, I myself am not scheming to use you to foster a later breakup between us and then to come into your wealth and assets. Such factors don't enter into my thinking at all."). I would hope that she would appreciate that gesture on my own part. I would think that an older woman (and I am already an older man) would not have come to this age and stage in life with stardust in her eyes (singing out loud "All you need is love! Love can conquer all!" and so on). Money and the need or drive for self-gain can drive even some otherwise morally upstanding people to do less-than-morally-upstanding things . . . such as looking to gain from a marriage parting to the severe detriment of the former marriage partner. My own motivation is not self-gain to the detriment of my would-be-wife but rather just simple self-preservation (i.e., to be able to emerge out of a marriage with my ability to sustain myself at a basic or reasonable level in my senior years until my death). If she can't understand the basic human impulse for mere self-preservation, then what can I say? I guess we shouldn't be together then.
As to what anyone else decides to do or not do regarding a prenuptial agreement, that is none of my business or concern and I am not here to "debate" them. I myself have even changed my own thinking over time on this very issue. Do what works for you and I'll do what works for me.
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When somebody say "If you don't sign a prenup, I think you have something to hide", what do you say to people like that? 
