Do you break up with a SO if you have different plans for the future? (women, love)
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Or, by the same token, I suppose if she loved him enough, she'd make the exceptions, right? If she wants to spend the rest of her life with him...
No. This is about her health and the health of the child. These aren't selfish reasons for not wanting to have children naturally. His reasoning for refusing to adopt has not been explained, however her concerns are valid reasons for not wanting to pass on her health issues or possibly inherit further complications while pregnant.
For me, health concerns would override having a baby naturally. I'd be fine with adopting. Besides, there are alternatives if you really want kids with your DNA. You can go with in vitro fertilization and a surrogate.
No. This is about her health and the health of the child. These aren't selfish reasons for not wanting to have children naturally. His reasoning for refusing to adopt has not been explained, however her concerns are valid reasons for not wanting to pass on her health issues or possibly inherit further complications while pregnant.
I was being facetious.
However, I don't think that "You would compromise on your stance on kids if you really loved the person" is valid for either of them. It's just not an area where compromise is possible. It's not fair or reasonable to expect somebody who wants kids to let go of that dream, and frame it in an "if you really loved the person..." way.
Besides, there are alternatives if you really want kids with your DNA. You can go with in vitro fertilization and a surrogate.
I hope people do realize that the expense of these procedures, as well as limited insurance coverage for them, makes them not particularly viable for a lot of people. The IVF/surrogate combination really doesn't fall into the range of economic feasibility for the average household. It's one thing to say, "Well, there's always this option," But really, it's not necessarily a super realistic option.
Probably just easier for someone who wants biological kids to be with someone who is on board with having biological kids.
yes. what is the point of being a couple if you have zero in common about where you are headed?
sex? you can get that just about anywhere...
chemistry and common bonds? that is called friends...
if you have no goals set for where you are both going passed sleeping together, playing house and being around one another whats the point? you're just wasting each others time
For example I know I want to get married and have kids. If my SO says she doesn't want to get married or have kids of her own (she actually wants to adopt) is it understandable that I end the relationship or is there a chance she might change her mind?
I am 26 she is 24.
The reason she would rather adopt than have kids of her own is I think because she has so many health issues that she thinks she might pass them on and even says in a joking way that she doesnt know how she's managed so far.
Some of her health problems include migraines, depression, kidney pain, asthma like attacks (not frequent), ulcers, and I think her fear is dying and leaving her kids w/o a mom.
I think you can only have how important it is to you to have biological children. If it is a dealbreaker to have no children or adopt, then you should cut your losses and get out now. I have 3 bio sons and a daughter that was adopted at birth. Adoption can be a wonderful thing, but it is a personal choice. Do NOT go into a marriage with the idea or hope that she will change her mind. Make sure you are both really clear on what you want and expect in that marriage. You do not ever want to go into a marriage thinking you can change someone, because usually you can't.
This is not so much of an "ultimatum", as it is taking a critical look at your goals and her goals and seeing a disconnect. If more people did this, there would be less divorce.
I suggest staying friends, but realizing that there is no middle ground here. She wants one thing, you want anther. Spending all your time with her, and not having time to get a new relationship is not going to help you moce forward with your life.
At some point, in all relationships, people decide if they are a team or not. If you keep with her, you will notice less satisfaction, and more misery. You wont be happy.
This is the point. End it now. Or keep going, and be alternatively miserable. Be true to yourself. That s the most important thing.
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