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They're probably afraid to make themselves seem boring. On the few occasions I've used a dating site I've always stated very clearly: "I am dull." And yet people reading my profile never seem to believe me . And then they get mad when they find out I'm exceedingly boring. I wish there was a dating site for people who could write things like:
"You could call me but I probably won't answer for like a month and then only when I'm desperate. I'm boring and hate human beings. I'm bitter, angry and in debt. I don't exercise, I don't follow politics and I'm not a geek."
You get the general idea
Haha I like this one... people on line just overly sell themselves... so online dating sites are full of seemingly overly qualified singles and I'm pretty intimated.
I was thinking about this over the weekend. I keep myself pretty busy and I do sometimes wonder if I am too busy to date and shouldn't be trying to do so. Regardless, I'm currently on OKC because despite my active social life, I'm simply not meeting men in my desired age range (apparently because according to the question "What is your typical Friday night like?" or whatever it is, they are all sitting at home unwinding from a long week).
I believe that if I were to be in contact with someone I was interested in getting to know better, I would find/make the time. For example, I'm currently "talking" to two men on the site. One is 47 and lives 3 hours away. One is 28 and is local. (I'm 40). The 47 year old started off the conversation with an indication he read my profile. The 28 year old started with not much more than a "hello."
Both have indicated an interest in meeting. The 47 year old sends me messages that indicate he is interested in getting to know me. He has suggested meeting halfway but it will have to be on a weekend due to the distance. He wanted to meet this past weekend, but I already had plans for the holiday weekend. So I suggested this coming weekend instead. The 28 year old's messages are all one or two sentences max and I'm not completely convinced he isn't really a bot. He'd be easy to meet because he's local. However, from his messages, I don't feel a sense of real interest.
I have something going on tonight, Wednesday and Thursday. The plans I have for this evening are something I could easily get out of. If the 47 year old was local and wanted to meet, I'd be all over that. But for the 28 year old? Well, his days off are W/Th and those are solid commitments for me. And my interaction with him so far hasn't piqued my interest enough to bug off on the plans I've made for this evening.
This is hiw I do things henerally as well. I am an ENTJ and I like to use every minute of my time. Not at all always with work—in fact, I refuse to bring work home. I leave work at the latest by 4:30 and don’t even have my work email in my phone—for a reaaon. But I do tend to fill my spare time with hobbies, friends, classes, meetups, dates, or the gym. I often do this days or even weeks in advance. I measure almost every decision by how kuch I will regret it if I do not do it in the broad scope of things and am overall an extremely serious person. I have found it is better to date people similar to tourself in thus department, as someone who is very spontaneous would be seriously irritated by my type a ness and I would be seriously irritated by someone who never planned in advance.
I have found that people whi expect instant availability are often quick to disappear. I say expect because I have also dated spontaneous men who are patient and coild care less. It has not worked out with men who expect that I am as available as them. I think this is personality mire than anything else, and it is good to date someone like you in this area. I live in DC metro so many people are like me. Other places may not be so easy to find type a but it is worth a try.
This does not mean that I don’t have time for a serious relationship. That is absoutely oa top priority when it comes. What I won’t do is change my entire life and lifestyle for someone who isn’t serious about me and who may or may not show up for the next date. Those are the early days. If and when thjngs get serious and we are both agreed that we are bth all in—then you better believe I am ALL IN. I am an ENTJ. That is how I do everything. My commitments I take very seriously. It is why sometimes I am slow to make them and know myslef well. I tend to make lifelong friemdships. So I make fewer than many people, but the ones I do have—they’re worth making the time for. Romantic rrlationships are similar.
Last edited by Inacitysomewhere; 02-09-2018 at 09:11 PM..
I am not putting myself in any situation... I said it before, I stopped trying to date because I could see things didn't match up.
In retrospect, my hope was to find a guy who was busy like me and who was happy dating on weekends to start but with phone calls and such during the week--at least until I got to know him well enough to feel comfortable enough with him to spend time alone at his place or mine during the week (not really dates, but we could have dinner together, etc). Who knows, maybe I will still find such a man. I dated one for a while... it didn't work out, but time-wise, things were perfect for both of us and our busy lives.
The point of the thread was asking why people put they are busy in their profiles. I contend it's most likely because they are busy (like me) but don't want to stop dating for whatever reason. Maybe they hope they can find that relationship I would have liked (weekends to start, etc, etc). They figure there has to be other people out there who don't have a lot of free time out there, but who also want to date--that's why they try.
IMO there is nothing wrong with weekends to start. I don’t understand how people can go out 3-4 times a week at the beginning. That is a lot. But, and I am apparently wierd on here, IMO people get ‘serious’ way too quickly without really knowing the other person, and then they come back later and wonder why it didn’t work out. To le serious means you are seriously contemplating this person in your long term future, and then it should be more often.People should be slower to jump but longer to walk. Relationshios are a marathon not a sprint.
Haha I like this one... people on line just overly sell themselves... so online dating sites are full of seemingly overly qualified singles and I'm pretty intimated.
Haha they do too.
lt's supposedly cool to have no time these days right.
I'm reminded of a guy I met online, who had himself posted an add on the personals. When I contacted him, he spent our entire first conversation talking about how important and in demand he was. He bragged about racking up 47 overtime hours on top of the 40 from the week before, working as an investment banker. He is somebody 'important' apparently.
If your first impression of someone you meet is that you can barely be shoehorned in, forget it. I'm not interested in getting to know someone who will only sprinkle a few crumbs of his time my way because they are some 'master of the universe' type. It smacks of narcissism as far as I'm concerned.
Yeah . l'd feel the same way about a women like that. Not the least bit interested in having to make an appointment for the 1 hour 45min and 23 seconds gap in her schedule , of which she still spend half of on the phone anyway.
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. And then they get mad when they find out I'm exceedingly boring. I wish there was a dating site for people who could write things like:
