Ideal Conversation Starters (dating, how to, women, love)
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I wanted to start this thread because I (along with many others) have significant difficulty in the initiation process. I am speaking for myself as a male approaching females. While I have some faith in my conversation skills, I am not always the most approachable and am reluctant to approach others. This is not completely ideal because I'm sure I miss out on good company.
Anyway, I was wondering what women specifically are receptive to as far as starting lines. I have personally toyed with the idea of questions like: "What's your political preference?" because I think it would yield an intellectual discussion. While some people think its a personal topic I really don't think it has to be. The reason I would use an approach like this is because I am not a big fan of small talk, which to me is monotonous.
What are your thoughts as to what an appropriate approach would be? Thanks.
NO, don't ask "what's your political preference?" - that's just too personal for a total stranger and verges on the confrontational. Where I live in Denver, you can never go wrong asking about sports, the Broncos in particular - everyone's got an opinion, even if they don't particularly care about football. And if they don't care about football, you can segue into a conversation about how they cope with it in a football-crazy city.
You bring up a movie you just saw, or a band that's playing. I think you could ask someone their favorite venue in Denver and start off an endless debate, even with a person who is only moderately interested in the music scene.
Back in Jersey, you could open an intense debate by just saying "Where's your favorite place to get a slice?"
Keep it to light-hearted topics for an initial approach and then dig further. Small talk may be monotonous to you, but it gives valuable insights to someone who's paying attention to the other person. You don't just have to talk about the weather, but don't demand instant intimacy from someone you're hitting up in a bar. That "monotonous" conversation is there to establish a basic comfort level and compatibility before moving on to other stuff - it's a springboard. When you scorn that, you are indicating to the other person that they are not worth a few moments of your time to do that.
No to the politics talk. That is not an ice-breaker when you approach a stranger. Even at parties, the standard has been to avoid the topics of sex, religion and politics - too divisive.
Your goal is not to have stimulating conversations about intellectual topics, but to meet women. Small talk is the first stepping stone in the process of getting to know someone, like it or not. Current events is always a great place to start, something you saw or heard on the news that day - news, sports, entertainment. You're looking for common ground, trying to find ways to relate, so you have to approach with an open mindset and worry less about what topics interest you than getting to know the other person.
I wanted to start this thread because I (along with many others) have significant difficulty in the initiation process. I am speaking for myself as a male approaching females. While I have some faith in my conversation skills, I am not always the most approachable and am reluctant to approach others. This is not completely ideal because I'm sure I miss out on good company.
Anyway, I was wondering what women specifically are receptive to as far as starting lines. I have personally toyed with the idea of questions like: "What's your political preference?" because I think it would yield an intellectual discussion. While some people think its a personal topic I really don't think it has to be. The reason I would use an approach like this is because I am not a big fan of small talk, which to me is monotonous.
What are your thoughts as to what an appropriate approach would be? Thanks.
Please don't do the politics thing...
My motto here is "Kiss". Keep it simple, stupid. Personally, my all time favorite is "Do you have the time?". Because, it's socially acceptable virtually anywhere, lets you off the hook if she's unreceptive, and can lead to any conversation....
Also, a good way of knowing how to start a conversation with a girl is by taking note of how girls have started conversations with you.
I've gotten, "Where did you get that cocoa?", "I like your beanie..", "You look better with your hair long..." etc etc. Seeing as those were appropriate ice breakers in their minds...they should be appropriate ice breakers in yours.
LOL! OP, you sound like you're taking a poll, clipboard in hand, with the "What's your political preference?" What's your follow-up question, "How concerned are you on a scale of 1-10 about Social Security?" (just kidding, OP)
How to break the ice depends on the situation. If in a bar or coffeeshop, and she's ordering a drink, tell her you've never tried that one, and ask her if it's good. One of our posters here famously agreed to a date when a guy asked her about yogurt brands in the yogurt aisle of the grocery store. Casual compliments about attire can work: "That's an unusual/attractive/colorful pin/scarf/watch you're wearing." (Say it with a smile, don't just read these like the lines to a play.) Even the weather can work (especially in Seattle): "FINALLY! Some sun! I'd forgotten what it looks like!" (Make her laugh.) In the bookstore: ask her something about the category she's browsing in.
The purpose of the opener is to gauge her response, it's to test the waters. If you get a friendly response, continue. If you get a brusque, short response, drop it and move on. Keep it casual, as if you were chatting with a neighbor. This is the non-approach approach. If things seem to be clicking, introduce yourself, to signal to her that this isn't idle chat, it's an approach. See how she reacts to that. If she responds with interest and warmth, ask if you could buy her a coffee. If you get to the coffee stage, or a follow-up phone call stage, that's when you can gradually work in more substantive topics, after you've had a chance to ask her about herself (what kind of work she does, has she lived here long, etc.)
I wanted to start this thread because I (along with many others) have significant difficulty in the initiation process. I am speaking for myself as a male approaching females. While I have some faith in my conversation skills, I am not always the most approachable and am reluctant to approach others. This is not completely ideal because I'm sure I miss out on good company.
Anyway, I was wondering what women specifically are receptive to as far as starting lines. I have personally toyed with the idea of questions like: "What's your political preference?" because I think it would yield an intellectual discussion. While some people think its a personal topic I really don't think it has to be. The reason I would use an approach like this is because I am not a big fan of small talk, which to me is monotonous.
What are your thoughts as to what an appropriate approach would be? Thanks.
You interested in her or her opinion? It wont work.
I used to have problems with this myself. Generally, I use the environment around me to start a conversation. Also, if I see someone often, say at work, and only have one area of common ground. I'll elaborate on it whenever I see them. I used to think this was a bad idea, like I have nothing better to talk about. But I've found over time, the idea is to get someone comfortable with talking with you and sometimes you only have one thing to talk about at first but over time, people will get comfortable and open up more.
Also, if you've ever watched/listened to someone who is a great conversationalist, you'll notice that what they say isn't always the most profound conversation starter or anything. It doesn't have to be something deep or meaningful..just something to get the person comfortable with chatting with you.
I wanted to start this thread because I (along with many others) have significant difficulty in the initiation process. I am speaking for myself as a male approaching females. While I have some faith in my conversation skills, I am not always the most approachable and am reluctant to approach others. This is not completely ideal because I'm sure I miss out on good company.
Anyway, I was wondering what women specifically are receptive to as far as starting lines. I have personally toyed with the idea of questions like: "What's your political preference?" because I think it would yield an intellectual discussion. While some people think its a personal topic I really don't think it has to be. The reason I would use an approach like this is because I am not a big fan of small talk, which to me is monotonous.
What are your thoughts as to what an appropriate approach would be? Thanks.
I'll usually listen in on conversations of women around me. Let's say they are talking about thier favorite breakfast cereal and one girl tells the other she loves Cookie Crisp. When I hear that she likes Cookie Crisp, I suddenly make something up to show her I also have an attachment to that cereal and I'll chime in with a line like this, "Oh, I love some Cookie Crisp, I remember that's what this kidnapper would feed me for breakfast when I was tied up in his basement as a kid!". With the right woman that usually gets a laugh and an introduction, but with the wrong woman maybe I'll get smacked, or have security come over to remove me or the woman will get all freaked out. Either way, at least I had a laugh for the night...lol
Location: West Los Angeles and Rancho Palos Verdes
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If a female is eying you, approach her and say, "I saw you checking me out. What's your name? My name is [your_name]. So what's the story...are you here alone?" Then just take it from there.
I strongly discourage talking about politics, religion or any "hot button" issues (abortion, gay marriage, gun control, climate change, etc.) when meeting or dating a woman for the first time. Those topics are incendiary and volatile...plus many people are simply uncomfortable with talking about this stuff with people they don't know well. Some people can discuss those things in a calm, civilized manner even if there's a difference of opinion...but others can get pretty upset or otherwise emotional about these subjects which can lead to arguments.
Keep conversation simple and light. Humor can be a good ice-breaker. Use common sense and respect boundaries. The point is to get to know each other...and it's usually best to do so with small talk and just go with the flow. Some people are quick to reveal stuff about themselves; others are more reserved. It's possible to have a deep intellectual discussion about less controversial subjects...certain sciences, a popular book, the intricacies of airplanes, and so on...but even then, I wouldn't recommend discussing such topics in-depth unless the event you two are at is relevant to the topic in question (i.e. probably shouldn't do it at a "general" party), or if she somehow reveals or indicates that she's interested or knowledgeable about the topic.
I know you don't like small talk, but honestly...it's an important life skill to have.
How you communicate - verbally and non-verbally - matters just as much as what you talk about, if not more. First impressions matter. Like another poster said, good conversationalists are usually adept at making the other person feel at ease.
Even in an established relationship (assuming you know each other's feelings on politics, etc.), when you two are out to dinner or whatever, it's probably a good idea to leave the political talk at home, unless you two can do it in a fun lighthearted manner.
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