Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The topic I'd like to see discussion on is love addiction. I would like stories shared, if you were able to break free from this and how. Usually this is a rescuer mentality, you wish to help the person, to save the person. I'm not necessarily talking about the men who like to be knight in shining armor, I really am interested in the female perspective on this, the ladies who like the "broken" men. But all are welcome. Thank you.
I was interested in "broken" men when I was broken. Now that I'm in a healthy and happy point in my life, I don't have the patience for it. I don't want to date anyone who "needs fixing" - I want to date an independent and happy adult who will add to my own happiness.
But I'm not running down the whole "broken" people thing - when I was at my lowest point, the guy who helped put me back together was a complete cluster**** himself. Sometimes that's a recipe for disaster, and sometimes that's exactly what's needed. We both wanted our lives to change and believed it was possible - we weren't that far gone, in other words.
I was interested in "broken" men when I was broken. Now that I'm in a healthy and happy point in my life, I don't have the patience for it. I don't want to date anyone who "needs fixing" - I want to date an independent and happy adult who will add to my own happiness.
But I'm not running down the whole "broken" people thing - when I was at my lowest point, the guy who helped put me back together was a complete cluster**** himself. Sometimes that's a recipe for disaster, and sometimes that's exactly what's needed. We both wanted our lives to change and believed it was possible - we weren't that far gone, in other words.
That's good. And what happened to the guy? I sometimes think the last thing I was trying to start up that did not get off the ground was because he was an angry person and somehow while seeing him I got over my anger, so we no longer matched. But, I think it's more to do with me not putting out fast enough lol. Men are simple, which I think is great, where women tend to complicate things.
That's good. And what happened to the guy? I sometimes think the last thing I was trying to start up that did not get off the ground was because he was an angry person and somehow while seeing him I got over my anger, so we no longer matched. But, I think it's more to do with me not putting out fast enough lol. Men are simple, which I think is great, where women tend to complicate things.
I don't know exactly what happened to him in the end. I ended the relationship and he moved on to a total psychopath, whom he married. I stepped in after that relationship ended to help do clean-up, mostly as a friend. He'd kind of learned his lesson, I think (as in, no more crazy chicks!). We kind of achieved closure on what we had and I went on my merry way. I check on him on FB sometimes (we're not friends, but his facebook doesn't have many privacy guards). He's been in a relationship for a while, and has held down the same job for years, so I think he's finally in a good place. That makes me happy. He had a lot more to overcome than I did. I don't want to be with him ever again, but I DO want good things for him.
While I don't specifically seek out "broken" men, per se, I have a particular personality type. I'm a bleeding heart, I work in a helping profession and have all my life, I'm patient, and I'm compassionate. This has, in the past, led me to cut probably more slack for men who have perhaps more problems than one might realistically expect a loving relationship to be able to assist with. I'm not a complete idiot...I haven't been the woman who seeks to rehabilitate men with addictions, made excuses for abusive men, etc. But I have been the woman who did not walk away from someone with significant emotional problems, feeling that perhaps being in a caring, loving relationship might be the thing that helped. It wasn't, and I learned. My ex was emotionally unstable, and this had significant fallout for me. I assume he continues to be emotionally unstable. I am with someone now who is phenomenally healthy and even-keel, and I cannot imagine being with someone who requires that much handholding and emotional support, only to reach a point that still isn't emotionally stable by anyone's measure, ever again.
My current SO has been bruised and battered by life. As have I. As have we all. Unlike my ex, he does not allow fallout from past difficulties define him, and has taken ownership of making his own life the life he wants...something my ex had difficulties with. He is a happy person who genuinely likes himself, and is proud of his accomplishments...both things my ex never seemed able to accomplish, even with exhaustive support and cheerleading from a supportive partner. It's much easier and just better to be with someone who knows how to be happy, and, therefore, knows how to love, versus to just need someone.
Wow. Everything above could have been written by me. That is amazing.
I got involved with a guy, his life was a mess, and I felt sorry for him. The problem with caretaking, is that the guy has such low self esteem, he belongs to the club, anyone dating me is probably not worth dating. So, they treat you badly. That sounds messed up, but it is true. And I was unhealthy enough to crave that type of treatment.
He left me for an alcoholic, who was unemployed and being investigated by CPS. Of course, it blew up. She was more dysfunctional than him. He came back to me, I wish him well, but it was over.
Don't try to help others. If a guy's life is all messed up, move on. He needs to deal with those issues before getting into a relationship. And probably is looking to escape those problems with a relationship.
While I don't specifically seek out "broken" men, per se, I have a particular personality type. I'm a bleeding heart, I work in a helping profession and have all my life, I'm patient, and I'm compassionate. This has, in the past, led me to cut probably more slack for men who have perhaps more problems than one might realistically expect a loving relationship to be able to assist with. I'm not a complete idiot...I haven't been the woman who seeks to rehabilitate men with addictions, made excuses for abusive men, etc. But I have been the woman who did not walk away from someone with significant emotional problems, feeling that perhaps being in a caring, loving relationship might be the thing that helped. It wasn't, and I learned. My ex was emotionally unstable, and this had significant fallout for me. I assume he continues to be emotionally unstable. I am with someone now who is phenomenally healthy and even-keel, and I cannot imagine being with someone who requires that much handholding and emotional support, only to reach a point that still isn't emotionally stable by anyone's measure, ever again.
My current SO has been bruised and battered by life. As have I. As have we all. Unlike my ex, he does not allow fallout from past difficulties define him, and has taken ownership of making his own life the life he wants...something my ex had difficulties with. He is a happy person who genuinely likes himself, and is proud of his accomplishments...both things my ex never seemed able to accomplish, even with exhaustive support and cheerleading from a supportive partner. It's much easier and just better to be with someone who knows how to be happy, and, therefore, knows how to love, versus to just need someone.
thank you everything said makes a lot of sense , {couldn't rep ya again }
And now we know why dating is so difficult. With a 50% divorce rate, just about everyone needs fixing. For the small percentage of people who have never been married and used their time in other areas of life, are now dealing with a large percentage of people that are divorced and "broken."
I'm definitely not saying that divorced people are bad people. There's a lot of amazing people that went through divorce and it wasn't their idea. I'm just saying for most of us, there's a good chance we are going to deal with someone who is a little broken. We just hope that what they need fixing is tolerable and they are very close to righting their ship.
There is a difference between having had difficulties in your life and moving on from them in an emotionally healthy manner, and being a person who is constantly struggling with the fallout from negatives in his or her life and is unable to move on from them enough to sustain functional relationships with others.
Everyone has had challenges and bad experiences in their lives. Some people process through those experiences healthily, and some dwell on them, are unable to get past them, and in effect, end up allowing them to seriously affect their ability to move forward in life.
I don't think you will find anyone who has moved through life "undamaged." Not being "damaged goods" is more a matter of how one has progressed onward from negative things that one experiences.
I didn't seek them out but I was the selfless helper/savior type, so I attracted them. I overlooked a lot because I didn't want to judge. They were that way for a reason. Now I know I was making excuses for them. I didn't value myself enough to expect more.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
}
