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I'm now 36 years old,and pretty much been by myself my entire life. Besides a few sporadic, fluke one night stands that I had throughout my 20s. Where the girls in a drunken fervor practically rapped me. lol...Which was perfectly fine with me being as shy as I am. But other than that I've never been in a real intimate relationship with a girl. But always have wanted to be. Just have never really had the confidence or drive in how to go about it. But here recently I've been really trying to do so through various dating sites. Communicating back and forth through emails...I've gotten a few numbers here,and there. But it all seems like a superficial work to me. Is it because I'm just shallow? Or is it because I am really only looking for sex. I don't know...I'm just frustrated with the whole process of it. I'm like..."How in the world will I ever be able to keep a relationship thriving if I get into one". And as fleeting as the relationships are these days. How will I be able to handle it if my heart gets crushed in the process. If I fall in love...I want it to be forever with the same freaking girl. I guess....
You've managed to live in peace until now. Why ruin it all?
Op, if you don't want a relationship,don't go looking for one thinking you are missing out. Like a previous poster said, when it's working, it's a beautiful thing. When it falls apart, it can feel like someone died. Actually, pyschologically, the symptoms of a breakup depending on the level of investment, etc are the same. And therein lies the problem. The odd's are stacked against us, but we keep trying because it's like a drug. You love that feeling of being with someone when it's great. When it's great, there is no better feeling in the world. But what goes up, must come down right? When it's bad, man is it bad. So bad that some choose not to exit bad relationships because dealing with the turmoil and misery of the relationship is easier than the breakup. You have to decide, is it worth it? For me, the problem I think is we live in a society where we are becoming more selfish, lazier, etc. It's getting harder and harder to maintain a relationship. It's a lot of work. People can be hateful, sneaky, deceitful and downright cruel. You think you know someone. You don't. Despite the odds, I like most keep playing. Hoping this one will be different.
I don't think a relationship is the end all be all to happiness. You can definitely live a happy and fulfilled life without one. But I still believe if you meet the right person then a relationship can be worth it. A healthy relationship with someone who loves and supports you is worth the effort. A relationship full of drama with someone who doesn't treat you well is NOT better than being single though. I'd rather be alone than with someone who makes me miserable.
I'm now 36 years old,and pretty much been by myself my entire life. Besides a few sporadic, fluke one night stands that I had throughout my 20s. Where the girls in a drunken fervor practically rapped me. lol...Which was perfectly fine with me being as shy as I am. But other than that I've never been in a real intimate relationship with a girl. But always have wanted to be. Just have never really had the confidence or drive in how to go about it. But here recently I've been really trying to do so through various dating sites. Communicating back and forth through emails...I've gotten a few numbers here,and there. But it all seems like a superficial work to me. Is it because I'm just shallow? Or is it because I am really only looking for sex. I don't know...I'm just frustrated with the whole process of it. I'm like..."How in the world will I ever be able to keep a relationship thriving if I get into one". And as fleeting as the relationships are these days. How will I be able to handle it if my heart gets crushed in the process. If I fall in love...I want it to be forever with the same freaking girl. I guess....
Fear of failure, fear of success, plus ADD, and you think you're just looking for sex, but you don't know? Get professional help first, then try dating when you've resolved your issues.
I don't think a relationship is the end all be all to happiness. You can definitely live a happy and fulfilled life without one. But I still believe if you meet the right person then a relationship can be worth it. A healthy relationship with someone who loves and supports you is worth the effort. A relationship full of drama with someone who doesn't treat you well is NOT better than being single though. I'd rather be alone than with someone who makes me miserable.
I fully understand what your saying here!
The problem I think comes in when someone makes themselves beleive that a relationship is the end all be all. Perception can be reality, and some people make themselves absolutely miserable and depressed over this. To some extent, this may lead to people suffering through more drama filled relationships too, they would rather have a drama filled toxic relationship, than risk none at all.
Not really. But why is it that women seem to put on this air as though they don't like sex or something?
Like I see tons of quotes from women just like this, but 0 from men.
"1. I am NOT interested in a friends with benefits situation, if this is what you are looking for, then I suggest you move on to the next."
Because of the high number of men on dating sites who are looking for an FWB.
In the real world, women typically step up for casual sexual relationships, and men step down. Men will bang women who are well "below" a woman he'd consider dating for real (in terms of looks), and women bang men who well "above" the type of man she'd get a commitment from (typically in terms of looks or money).
It may seem like a crappy thing to say, but it's such a time waster to get approached for something causal from Mr Average or worse. I will date Average, but I'm not going to be Mr Average's booty call. I can find a hot guy to shag me at my local saloon if that's what it's all about.
That said, I don't think anyone should write "do not contact me IF..." messages on their profile at all. Negativity is a turn off.
The thing with relationships is that when they work, it is a beautiful thing. When it is dysfunctional, it is deeply damaging.
It is very important to find a foundation and a center that you can rely 100% on. If you don't have that, then relationships have a greater likelihood of failing.
Thank you
I will be very cautious next time that's all I can do
Because of the high number of men on dating sites who are looking for an FWB.
In the real world, women typically step up for casual sexual relationships, and men step down. Men will bang women who are well "below" a woman he'd consider dating for real (in terms of looks), and women bang men who well "above" the type of man she'd get a commitment from (typically in terms of looks or money).
It may seem like a crappy thing to say, but it's such a time waster to get approached for something causal from Mr Average or worse. I will date Average, but I'm not going to be Mr Average's booty call. I can find a hot guy to shag me at my local saloon if that's what it's all about.
That said, I don't think anyone should write "do not contact me IF..." messages on their profile at all. Negativity is a turn off.
Yeah I agree, it does come off as a snobby like negativity. And she is probably the very one who will end up banging a dude on the first date if he plays his cards right. lol...But she's also probably the type of gal that will withhold sex from her partner as a means of getting her way. The conspiracies never end...lol
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