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No, because it never occurred to me that they were not already doing their best. I mean, I was.
ohhh....we women do this so often!
We assume things that later turn out not to be accurate or mistakenly believe that because we treat others one way they will treat us with equal respect/diligence/effort
No, because it never occurred to me that they were not already doing their best. I mean, I was.
Ha! That sounds like something I would think too. But, yeah, you pretty much have to figure out a way to voice what you want and need to them. Maybe next time when they say how can I make it up to you, can you tell them that what you really want is for them to not do that disrespectful thing ever again. That's what's most important.
And if they were better with their new gf's, it could be because they learned the hard way.
But never do what you have already realized was a mistake - refuse to let him make it up to you when he offers. That may tell him something about you that makes him realize you are not the one for him long term
Like what? I mean, assuming it was something other than the bit you said next .
Thank you both, so much. I am falling asleep now (took a sleeping pill), but looking forward to checking in here again in the am. Lots to think about. And I feel all supported and cosy, which is pretty neat, being a newbie and all .
Like what? I mean, assuming it was something other than the bit you said next .
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Refusing to let a guy "make it up to you" when he really wants to kind of lets the air out of the balloon, if you know what I mean? It's a little ego crushing and he may lose that loving feeling he was enjoying having for you because you kind of robbed him of the opportunity to do something for you that would have made him feel good about himself.
Thank you both, so much. I am falling asleep now (took a sleeping pill), but looking forward to checking in here again in the am. Lots to think about. And I feel all supported and cosy, which is pretty neat, being a newbie and all .
Thank you both, so much. I am falling asleep now (took a sleeping pill), but looking forward to checking in here again in the am. Lots to think about. And I feel all supported and cosy, which is pretty neat, being a newbie and all .
I've only recently come across this idea, as something people actually do (as opposed to just say). I mean, the idea that if one person in a couple does something that inconveniences or annoys or hurts the other person, then that second person gets to have them do something nice to 'make it up'.
In retrospect, a few times, in the early phase of dating, I've had guys say, 'How can I make it up to you?', but I had no idea how to answer. I didn't have a sense of what sorts of things were cool to ask for, or of how much a given offense was 'worth'. So I just said, 'Don't worry about it.'
And, sometimes, I think this set a bad precedent. It made it seem like being inconsiderate had no consequences. (Ultimately there WERE consequences, because I broke up with them for many repeated rudenesses, but perhaps that whole thing could have been avoided?)
Do any of you do this 'making up for' thing? Can you give me some examples, so I can get a better sense of how it works? I think I should try it.
I'm personally against that. I say I'm sorry for the error and that's it and she can do the same when she commits an error.
the person i was seeing before i met my wife was this way. it is what ultimately ended our relationship.
if i came home 5 minutes late: "you where late...make it up to me by leaving early tomorrow'
if i left a glass of water out over night: "you forgot to take your dish in to the kitchen, make it up to me and do all the dishes"
if i spent money on something and didn't inform her of it before hand: "you spend money on that!, make it up to me and get me something"
needless to say it lasted a year and i was out. the saddest part was she never got it when explained to her, she would always just say "i don't understand" im suprised to girl didnt call me up after i left to say "you broke up with me, make it up to me by coming back!"
the person i was seeing before i met my wife was this way. it is what ultimately ended our relationship.
if i came home 5 minutes late: "you where late...make it up to me by leaving early tomorrow'
if i left a glass of water out over night: "you forgot to take your dish in to the kitchen, make it up to me and do all the dishes"
if i spent money on something and didn't inform her of it before hand: "you spend money on that!, make it up to me and get me something"
needless to say it lasted a year and i was out. the saddest part was she never got it when explained to her, she would always just say "i don't understand" im suprised to girl didnt call me up after i left to say "you broke up with me, make it up to me by coming back!"
have to cancel a date due to a legitimate work obligation? then it's a pleasant way to schedule a fun replacement date and make the other person feel good and know you are really interested
stuck your tongue in her best friend's honeypot or told her she needs to lose some weight? yeah, not so much
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