'Make it up to me' (woman, single, family, friends)
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Refusing to let a guy "make it up to you" when he really wants to kind of lets the air out of the balloon, if you know what I mean? It's a little ego crushing and he may lose that loving feeling he was enjoying having for you because you kind of robbed him of the opportunity to do something for you that would have made him feel good about himself.
And in that moment, Nila was enlightened!
Ok, not really. But thank you so much -- this made me realise all sorts of stuff. I have a tendency in general to not say yes when people offer to do things for me. I think I am being nice, but now I see that it feels to them like I am keeping them at a distance. When that is very much not my intent.
My new years' resolution this year is to work on asking for things that I want from people. Now I see that I also need to work on accepting things that are offered.
Really, thank you, lovesMountains. Your post is a big deal to me.
the person i was seeing before i met my wife was this way. it is what ultimately ended our relationship.
if i came home 5 minutes late: "you where late...make it up to me by leaving early tomorrow'
if i left a glass of water out over night: "you forgot to take your dish in to the kitchen, make it up to me and do all the dishes"
if i spent money on something and didn't inform her of it before hand: "you spend money on that!, make it up to me and get me something"
needless to say it lasted a year and i was out. the saddest part was she never got it when explained to her, she would always just say "i don't understand" im suprised to girl didnt call me up after i left to say "you broke up with me, make it up to me by coming back!"
Lol. Yes, I can see how that would be annoying. Though, in your examples, it sounds more like a communication tic than like she was actually asking for inappropriate things. Anyway, that's not what I am asking about in this thread.
I realise now that I should have titled the thread, 'How can I make it up to you?', because that is the part I have difficulty with. The question stumps me, and I end up replying, 'Oh, don't worry about it.' Which, I now understand from lovesMountains, has all sorts of unintended bad consequences.
Refusing to let a guy "make it up to you" when he really wants to kind of lets the air out of the balloon, if you know what I mean? It's a little ego crushing and he may lose that loving feeling he was enjoying having for you because you kind of robbed him of the opportunity to do something for you that would have made him feel good about himself.
Ok, not really. But thank you so much -- this made me realise all sorts of stuff. I have a tendency in general to not say yes when people offer to do things for me. I think I am being nice, but now I see that it feels to them like I am keeping them at a distance. When that is very much not my intent.
My new years' resolution this year is to work on asking for things that I want from people. Now I see that I also need to work on accepting things that are offered.
Really, thank you, lovesMountains. Your post is a big deal to me.
"you must spread some Reputation around before giving it to OdysseusNY again"
Seriously, thanks for the backup!
You know, I've said this before here but I'll say it again...if a place like this forum had existed when I was 18-25 I would have been here every day trying to learn from the older, wiser and more experienced posters. I would have been like a dry sponge soaking it all up
Instead, I had to learn a lot of things the very hard way - by trial and error while waiting for my maturity and insight to catch up to my life experiences. If I can do anything now to help other people have a little easier path in life I'm very gratified.
Ok, not really. But thank you so much -- this made me realise all sorts of stuff. I have a tendency in general to not say yes when people offer to do things for me. I think I am being nice, but now I see that it feels to them like I am keeping them at a distance. When that is very much not my intent.
My new years' resolution this year is to work on asking for things that I want from people. Now I see that I also need to work on accepting things that are offered.
Really, thank you, lovesMountains. Your post is a big deal to me.
There's a saying that it's a double blessing to let someone do something nice for you. I try to think about that before I say, "no, it's okay, don't worry about it."
"you must spread some Reputation around before giving it to OdysseusNY again"
Seriously, thanks for the backup!
You know, I've said this before here but I'll say it again...if a place like this forum had existed when I was 18-25 I would have been here every day trying to learn from the older, wiser and more experienced posters. I would have been like a dry sponge soaking it all up
Instead, I had to learn a lot of things the very hard way - by trial and error while waiting for my maturity and insight to catch up to my life experiences. If I can do anything now to help other people have a little easier path in life I'm very gratified.
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. Anything you would like to share with the group?
