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Why not just tell your husband, I'm SURE that your husband would want to know that this is happening?
I'm not entirely sure. I've never been good at directly talking about something that upsets me. It's easier to handle when I'm not talking face to face with someone who is sympathetic or angry for me. If I told him, I'd probably cry about it. I'm an army brat, we're not supposed to cry.
Would I be justified if I just hit him next time to get the message across? It would be easier just to tell my husband, but then I'd feel bad if it screws up their friendship. Is there a low drama way to handle this idiocy? I'm happily married to his friend, with three kids, 20 lbs overweight and obviously not interested. I just don't understand why he's risking their friendship for nothing. It doesn't make any sense. What the hell is wrong with him?
Why, the "friend" is already screwing with their friendship. You need to tell your husband. Hitting the man could turn ugly in a hurry and he could even rape you claiming it was justified b/c you hit him. Don't go there.
I'm not entirely sure. I've never been good at directly talking about something that upsets me. It's easier to handle when I'm not talking face to face with someone who is sympathetic or angry for me. If I told him, I'd probably cry about it. I'm an army brat, we're not supposed to cry.
Crying is good. He'll know you're sincere. Crying is ok, and would be appropriate at a time like this. Better than bottling it all up, like you're doing, and then maybe striking out at the guy, which might turn him on and provoke him to do something you wouldn't want him to do.
You and your hubby are partners, working together. He needs to know. Look at the guys' responses, here. They've made it clear they'd want to know, so that they can ditch the so-called "friend" ASAP. Think about it this way: why would your husband want to be friends with a guy who's repeatedly making plays for his wife? You're enabling his friendship with a double-crosser.
Crying is good. He'll know you're sincere. Crying is ok, and would be appropriate at a time like this. Better than bottling it all up, like you're doing, and then maybe striking out at the guy, which might turn him on and provoke him to do something you wouldn't want him to do.
You and your hubby are partners, working together. He needs to know. Look at the guys' responses, here. They've made it clear they'd want to know, so that they can ditch the so-called "friend" ASAP. Think about it this way: why would your husband want to be friends with a guy who's repeatedly making plays for his wife? You're enabling his friendship with a double-crosser.
Cry about it? My husband's only seen me cry a handful of times. It would make him worry. I don't like that idea. The friend won't be coming back, he should have really gotten the message by now.
Crying is good. He'll know you're sincere. Crying is ok, and would be appropriate at a time like this. Better than bottling it all up, like you're doing, and then maybe striking out at the guy, which might turn him on and provoke him to do something you wouldn't want him to do.
You and your hubby are partners, working together. He needs to know. Look at the guys' responses, here. They've made it clear they'd want to know, so that they can ditch the so-called "friend" ASAP. Think about it this way: why would your husband want to be friends with a guy who's repeatedly making plays for his wife? You're enabling his friendship with a double-crosser.
This. Your husband is still thinking he's best buddies with this guy. This is the guy he will turn to when he needs backup immediately after you. And his "best buddy" doesn't have his back at all.
My best friends are people I would do some pretty extreme things for. Probably even illegal things. But I have complete faith in their love for me and their loyalty to me (though I hate the word loyalty as applied to humans - it makes me think of dogs or cult members - but my closest friends have my back). Right now, it's like your husband is sitting in a favorite chair with one rickety leg. You know about the rickety leg, but you're not telling him because it would upset him, even though he probably knows something isn't quite right.
What this dude did is no small thing. He propositioned you repeatedly. In your own home. He LAID HANDS on you without your consent. And he did all of this with your young children present in the home. There's not a lot of people who wouldn't cry about that kind of violation by someone who is supposed to have your husband and family's best interests at heart.
I'm not a believer that there should be no secrets between a husband and wife. Everybody has a right to some privacy. But this is a toxic secret, and it's one that directly involves your husband. Not to mention the fact that this very predatory "best friend" could be making up his own story and covering his tracks. You only gave your husband part of the information he needed, but the best friend knows what he did and he knows that you've covered for him. This is not good.
monemi, trust me on this one. Tell your husband the complete truth. Tell him about what happened 10 years ago. There is no TRUE friendship to save, and you owe your husband the absolute truth. Don't try to downplay it or sugar foot around it. When your husband does find out (and he probably will), he will wonder why you weren't completely honest. It will make YOU look deceptive, even if you were just trying to spare his feelings.
Entertain his fantasy. Meet him somewhere for dinner and then embarrass the hell out of him by yelling "stop it", "leave me alone", and "creeper" really loud.
Entertain his fantasy. Meet him somewhere for dinner and then embarrass the hell out of him by yelling "stop it", "leave me alone", and "creeper" really loud.
That's a stupid idea. Agreeing to meet this "friend" for dinner is going to give him the wrong idea and make him think that he has the "right" to have sex with her i.e. rape her.
She should just tell her husband and completely dismiss the "friend" from now on. Opening the door for him was already giving him an inch.
I got a phone call from douchebag this morning. He's pretty angry with me. He's saying I'm the one who has been "flirting" and that I invited him over. I hung up on him and called husband. He told me his friend's had women make accusations about him before. He sided with his buddy years back, but given I'm his wife and not the first woman to have a problem with him, he's not buying what his friend is selling. He's p*ssed off and leaving work now.
This sucks.
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