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Honestly? I would try to find out about that before I even accepted a date. If I'm friends with someone, I'd know because we were friends. If it was from an online dating service, I'd find a way to work it into the conversation.
Thing is, barring a few military guys and a cop 20 years ago, and my current, most of the guys I've dated were fairly to extremely liberal and would find the notion of a civilian carrying a gun just as unappealing as I do. Actually, come to think of it, most of the military guys were closet liberals and weren't gung-ho on armed civilians, either.
At any rate, I like what RogersParkGuy said:
As I said in the other thread, I find it to be the mark of fear and suspicion of the world. I just never want to be the kind of person who feels I have to carry to be safe, or always has the specter of possible violence in my head. So when it comes to dating, I'd like to rule people with that mindset out as soon as possible.
I've dated a few combat vets, and they've all found the idea of gun ownership unappealing for anything but hunting, and sometimes not even that. One guy had been a sniper in a few different conflicts and he was so indifferent to guns it was almost weird, but he'd apparently offed a lot of people. (We actually didn't end up having a lot in common, but I think he WANTED us to have a lot in common because he said I was the first woman he'd dated who'd never asked him how many people he'd killed.)
Look, the truth is that America is safer than it has ever been. Crime rates have been declining for decades. If you stay out of bad neighborhoods, park in or keep to well-lit areas, stay aware of who's around you and don't go provoking confrontations, your odds of anything bad happening to you are pretty darn low. But even 40 years ago, none of the oldsters (mostly assorted elderly rednecks who remember Jersey before it was a giant housing development) I know were running around armed on a regular basis. It didn't occur to them. Yeah, there might have been a gun in their truck, but they weren't heading into the diner or the hardware store with a gun strapped to them. It's not the so-called "Greatest Generation" that gets all worked up about carry rights - mostly the Baby Boomers and younger.
Honestly, I may take some flak for this, but I feel like as America has gotten safer, it has also gotten more needlessly paranoid. I support gun rights to a limited degree and am indifferent to carry laws, but I don't understand the need some people have to go around armed all the time. Take that woman in PA who wanted to carry at her child's soccer game - she INSISTED it was her right to do so on a soccer field filled with children so that she could feel safe. Ended up getting shot in her own home, by her own husband as she sat at her computer.
Personally, I'm already bordering on hypervigilant in most settings. I know exactly who is around me and what they're doing most of the time. My ADD means I focus pretty sharply on anything out of the ordinary. If I had a gun strapped to me, I'd be worried about the gun and not about what's around me - because accidents happen with guns all the time. So an actual firearm for me would be, in my view, a liability and an unnecessary distraction.
But my point is, if you can't leave the gun in your car or at home for the hour or so that would be our initial date, you're not someone who would be even remotely compatible with me.
I've dated a few combat vets, and they've all found the idea of gun ownership unappealing for anything but hunting, and sometimes not even that. One guy had been a sniper in a few different conflicts and he was so indifferent to guns it was almost weird, but he'd apparently offed a lot of people. (We actually didn't end up having a lot in common, but I think he WANTED us to have a lot in common because he said I was the first woman he'd dated who'd never asked him how many people he'd killed.)
So it's not just my father? He doesn't talk about when his time in the military. He served first with Royal Engineers and then SAS. But if I ask him any questions, he shakes his head and changes the topic. Never thought to ask how many people he's killed. He's my Dad, Dad's don't kill people.
Carrying weapons for defense: Do you tell your dates / expect to be told?
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
I sit with my back against the wall where I can see the entire dining room and all entrances and exits and I am not an ex police officer or a male. I do it because my sperm donor used to sneak up behind me and grab me by the throat and throw me to the floor or lift me up against a wall right before he beat the tar out of me just because I was born. So, ponder that one and you might figure out why we are NOT ALL THE SAME.
Great answer to Lilac110's post #26 I would also like to ask Lilac110 if she has smoke detectors in her home, or maybe a fire extinguisher in her car? If so, aren't you protecting yourself against the unknown future events that could happen? If I set in my home day after day, did nothing and went no where, I suspect I wouldn't carry a firearm concealed. But, I travel mountain roads where I live, I walk through a neighborhood where dogs are supposed to be leashed, but aren't always. The area where I live is not crime free, there are murders here. No, I may not be liberal like you claim to be, but as far as I'm concerned that is not something to be proud of. Look where our liberal government has taken this country, are you happy with that?
I've dated a few combat vets, and they've all found the idea of gun ownership unappealing for anything but hunting, and sometimes not even that. One guy had been a sniper in a few different conflicts and he was so indifferent to guns it was almost weird, but he'd apparently offed a lot of people. (We actually didn't end up having a lot in common, but I think he WANTED us to have a lot in common because he said I was the first woman he'd dated who'd never asked him how many people he'd killed.)
Look, the truth is that America is safer than it has ever been. Crime rates have been declining for decades. If you stay out of bad neighborhoods, park in or keep to well-lit areas, stay aware of who's around you and don't go provoking confrontations, your odds of anything bad happening to you are pretty darn low. But even 40 years ago, none of the oldsters (mostly assorted elderly rednecks who remember Jersey before it was a giant housing development) I know were running around armed on a regular basis. It didn't occur to them. Yeah, there might have been a gun in their truck, but they weren't heading into the diner or the hardware store with a gun strapped to them. It's not the so-called "Greatest Generation" that gets all worked up about carry rights - mostly the Baby Boomers and younger.
Honestly, I may take some flak for this, but I feel like as America has gotten safer, it has also gotten more needlessly paranoid. I support gun rights to a limited degree and am indifferent to carry laws, but I don't understand the need some people have to go around armed all the time. Take that woman in PA who wanted to carry at her child's soccer game - she INSISTED it was her right to do so on a soccer field filled with children so that she could feel safe. Ended up getting shot in her own home, by her own husband as she sat at her computer.
Personally, I'm already bordering on hypervigilant in most settings. I know exactly who is around me and what they're doing most of the time. My ADD means I focus pretty sharply on anything out of the ordinary. If I had a gun strapped to me, I'd be worried about the gun and not about what's around me - because accidents happen with guns all the time. So an actual firearm for me would be, in my view, a liability and an unnecessary distraction.
But my point is, if you can't leave the gun in your car or at home for the hour or so that would be our initial date, you're not someone who would be even remotely compatible with me.
Outstanding post. Really.
My father was the same way. He saw some heavy action in WWII. 75th Infantry, Battle of the Bulge. He summed it up this way: When you see what guns do to people, you don't want one.
My ex also felt that way. He saw some pretty disgusting things in Bosnia. The Serbs are no better than Nazis, right down to putting bodies through meat grinders. He is about as anti-gun as one can get.
My SO is the opposite, to an extent. As with many in law enforcement, it's seeing what dirtbags on the street can do that makes him feel compelled to carry. I can see where he's coming from, but on the other hand, sometimes I wish we could just go somewhere without that glint of hawk-eye observation crossing his face. I love the guy, so I deal, but if we ever split up, next guy is going to be an accountant or something.
I sit with my back against the wall where I can see the entire dining room and all entrances and exits and I am not an ex police officer or a male. I do it because my sperm donor used to sneak up behind me and grab me by the throat and throw me to the floor or lift me up against a wall right before he beat the tar out of me just because I was born. So, ponder that one and you might figure out why we are NOT ALL THE SAME.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life
I do it too.
I'm female, no military or law enforcement background, but I was a victim of a terrifying armed robbery in a restaurant once and have since incorporated new habits into my personal safety routine.
Lumping people into a category, even with a smiley face attached, is just ... .
Yeah, hi, you two are totally taking things out of context and being hypersensitive about it to boot. My SO is in law enforcement. Nite was in law enforcement. My somewhat inside joke was to Nite about all LEO's being the same. Next time I'll just DM him.
Oh, and FTR, here is what I said on that other thread:
Quote:
Honestly? I find it to be the mark of fear and suspicion of the world. I mean, I just never want to be the kind of person who feels I have to carry to be safe, or always has the specter of possible violence in my head. I'm pretty street smart and have good bit of common sense--I mentioned in another thread that my mother grew up in The Bronx and passed a few things on to me. And I've bluffed my way out of a few scrapes, had to defend myself in earnest a couple of times, and actually held a big ol' kitchen knife to someone's balls once to make him understand that "no" means "no," but after September 11, and then the sniper in D.C., when so many of my coworkers and friends were cowering and afraid even to stop and get gas because of the mysterious (and fictional) white van, I decided I wasn't going to live my life stockpiling bullets and duct tape in my basement. Everyone around me was terrified, and things haven't been the same since, right down to getting felt up in airports, and I thought to myself, "They won. The bad guys won. They achieved their goal. They wanted to terrorize, and they did. People are scared."
That's just not for me.
If you two want to remain traumatized and crippled by what happened to you, and you can live with a similar mindset in a partner, that is your choice. I choose another path.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nite Ryder
Great answer to Lilac110's post #26 I would also like to ask Lilac110 if she has smoke detectors in her home, or maybe a fire extinguisher in her car? If so, aren't you protecting yourself against the unknown future events that could happen? If I set in my home day after day, did nothing and went no where, I suspect I wouldn't carry a firearm concealed. But, I travel mountain roads where I live, I walk through a neighborhood where dogs are supposed to be leashed, but aren't always. The area where I live is not crime free, there are murders here. No, I may not be liberal like you claim to be, but as far as I'm concerned that is not something to be proud of. Look where our liberal government has taken this country, are you happy with that?
Smoke detectors are required by law where I live, and the landlord deals with that. Nope, never carried a fire extinguisher in my car. Not sure what your parallel is because, barring arson, fires are not subject to one person's suspicion of another and generally do not presuppose malicious intent. It is also not necessary to be proactive about smoke detectors or fire extinguishers such that one is in a constant mindset of "what if." Unlike guns, most people who have smoke detectors and fire extinguishers don't think about them every day and instead tend to forget they are there until the battery warning beeps or they chance to look at the expiration date on the extinguisher, if there is one. Guns must be maintained, checked, and put on or stashed. They require the kind of thought and intent that I just don't find appealing in a partner.
No area is crime-free. Mine certainly isn't. That doesn't mean I'm going to live my life in fear and suspicion. Somehow, I made it 46 years without needing a gun. I see no need for it now. If my SO wasn't a LEO and didn't have to carry a gun, and he was say, a mechanic or an accountant, and chose to carry one, we wouldn't be dating.
And I think that you, Nite, know me well enough to know that I don't think this country is liberal enough.
Yeah, hi, you two are totally taking things out of context and being hypersensitive about it to boot. My SO is in law enforcement. Nite was in law enforcement. My somewhat inside joke was to Nite about all LEO's being the same. Next time I'll just DM him.
Oh, and FTR, here is what I said on that other thread:
If you two want to remain traumatized and crippled by what happened to you, and you can live with a similar mindset in a partner, that is your choice. I choose another path.
Smoke detectors are required by law where I live, and the landlord deals with that. Nope, never carried a fire extinguisher in my car. Not sure what your parallel is because, barring arson, fires are not subject to one person's suspicion of another and generally do not presuppose malicious intent. It is also not necessary to be proactive about smoke detectors or fire extinguishers such that one is in a constant mindset of "what if." Unlike guns, most people who have smoke detectors and fire extinguishers don't think about them every day and instead tend to forget they are there until the battery warning beeps or they chance to look at the expiration date on the extinguisher, if there is one. Guns must be maintained, checked, and put on or stashed. They require the kind of thought and intent that I just don't find appealing in a partner.
No area is crime-free. Mine certainly isn't. That doesn't mean I'm going to live my life in fear and suspicion. Somehow, I made it 46 years without needing a gun. I see no need for it now. If my SO wasn't a LEO and didn't have to carry a gun, and he was say, a mechanic or an accountant, and chose to carry one, we wouldn't be dating.
And I think that you, Nite, know me well enough to know that I don't think this country is liberal enough.
It is a small price to pay for self preservation and I am by no means crippled by the events I just have a very strong sense of self preservation and I am comfortable with how I do things.
I am happy that you have NEVER had a traumatic incident in your lifetime and honestly I hope you NEVER do because IF YOU DO.........I suspect YOU will NOT be able to handle it at all and WILL find out the hard way EXACTLY what a traumatic experience does to one's mind, body, soul and how it changes the way you live the rest of your life to some extent.
So until you have had this type of life experience please refrain from being judgmental and patronizing Mod cut: Personal barb.
If you two want to remain traumatized and crippled by what happened to you, and you can live with a similar mindset in a partner, that is your choice. I choose another path.
I'm not traumatized and crippled. I sit facing the door at restaurants now.
The CCL thread got me wondering about this. Many women there felt strongly that a man who routinely carries a concealed gun should inform them right away, or leave the gun at home on at least the first date.
But many women carry pepper spray, keychain eyeball-stabbers, a knife, or (sometimes) a gun for self-defense, as part of their daily gear. Meeting someone for the first time, off internet dating for example, is probably not the time to weed that out of your purse or glovebox.
Women, do you tell dates what weapons you have? Men and women who date women, would it distress you to not be told? Are guns different from pepper spray in this regard? What about knives?
ROFL!!! I wonder how many of our members from outside the US find our dating customs curious? A tradition in which the fashionable keychain eyeball-stabber accessory is de rigeur may raise...um....eyebrows in some parts of the world. Although I bet women in India might be wishing they could carry designer tasers in their purses....
Well, if you are going on a date with someone who is a mutual friend and who has come highly recommended and has a good reputation (i.e. has a good job, a good family, is stable), etc. then I wouldn't worry in the least. However, if I was just dating some guy I met on the internet I might be concerned.
The point of the matter being not whether or not he is "armed" but why am I going out with a perfect stranger who could be dangerous? I would venture to say that more women have been strangled and stabbed on dates with strangers than have ever been shot - especially by someone who has a CCW license.
20yrsinBranson
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Never thought to ask how many people he's killed. He's my Dad, Dad's don't kill people. 
Carrying weapons for defense: Do you tell your dates / expect to be told?
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