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I went out for drinks with this girl a few months back & had a great time, realised we have a ridiculous amount of things in common, similar interests & way of thinking - we're 2 very similar people. We had a great laugh & some flirty banter. Unfortunatly I bottled going for the kiss.
There are signs that she likes me so I asked her out on a date & she said she has no time for dating as she's so busy with her job, but she's flattered & nice to know there's a genuine guy out there.
When we went out she told me she was "shy, introverted, doesn't like being made a fool of & puts barriers between herself & other people". She also told me she had a bad break up with her ex 3 years ago as he got pretty serious & intense on her, she's been single ever since. I've actually known her for 9 years on & off although nothing has ever happened, I remember her telling me once years agothat she got her heart broken in her teens & doesn't like letting people get close to her.
Here's where I need help: There are signs she likes me, even 1 of her friends said so. She's not shy, a tad introverted & a bit withdrawn, and theres a high chance she doesn't trust guys after her past & being burned. She's been single for 3 years but openly admits to having had quite a few 1 night stands.
I've been hanging out with her hoping she'd get to know me & trust me. She openly told me all that personal stuff above & seems quite comfortable with me. I'd like to give asking her out another try, that I only have good intentions & that I'm not her exes - that she should know I'm honest & genuine and she can trust me. I'm not even asking for a relationship or for her to marry me etc - nothing serious, but given how well we get on it would be crazy not to give it a go. I'd over emphasize all it is is a date, very low key & if it were to go well we could go total slow at snails pace. The only thing we're missing is intimacy.
As a lead in to talking about the above paragraph I thought about talking about something from my past thats burned me or making up a fake story about a guy from work who likes this girl but is struggling with her as she's been treated badly in the past.....or just talking to her outright.
I'm sure lots of people will tell me to forget her, but she's not that bad really. I just think its a lack of trust; I've always liked her and im not ready to give up just yet - if she likes me but its her past thats holding her back thats so frustrating - I'd never hurt her!
Any thoughts on this or advice on how to approach this whole thing?
Do not lie to her, ask her out again but maybe ask her to a "group" gathering. A graduation, Wedding, Cookout at a mutual friends home something like that but do not lie to her. Ask her if she would like to join in for a walk in the park, a picnic, to a museum, she can "meet" you there in her own vehicle. Then if she is uncomfortable she can drive herself home or you can continue on and go to supper.
Move on. This woman doesn't want a relationship. See her for what she is. She is someone who told you she doesn't want a relationship.
Move on and if a relationship is what you want, seek someone wanting the same thing.
Believe her when she says she doesn't want a relationship. Don't try to 'save her', or be her White Knight, or don't think that "if I give her enough time she will come around."
She won't. If she wanted a relationship, she would be in one. 3 years, multiple ONS, equals enough attention from guys to entertain the idea of a relationship.
Tell her you really care for her, and when/if she's ready you'd love to take your friendship to the next level. Tell her you are looking for an honest and faithful relationship with someone you can build a future with. Tell her you'd love for her to be that person, though if that's not possible for her,.....you will still value her friendship.
So you are already hanging out with her? You are getting to know her? What would be different if it were a date? Are you hoping that calling something an official "date" would lead into some kissing or more?
please don't lie to her, 1) it is lame, 2) its never a good idea to misrepresent yourself with hopes of gaining some sort of sympathy points to get her to like you 3) its dishonest.
I've always liked this girl - way before we sat down & had a proper chat & realised we had so much in common and were so alike. The only thing missing for me is a kiss; thats why I asked her on a 'date' - so she'd know what the context of the night is.
One of her friends has told me she thinks she likes me - she's mentioned my name quite a few times. I took her to an engagement party a week ago, she wasn't keen on going as she said she wouldn't know anyone there, she has a small circle of friends & doesn't really go to things where she doesn't know anyone or meet new people. I told her I wouldn't leave her on her own & introduce her to folk and she relented and came along.....everyone there thought we were boyfriend & girlfriend, they were shocked when I said we weren't.
I honestly think the problem is her past; if she does like me and thats all thats holding her back that would be annoying.
I agree with the other posters that I should move on, but I'm not ready to give up yet - I want to give this 1 last go, just not sure how to go about it...I'm trying to show her she can trust me and that I'm not like her ex's.
I'm sure lots of people will tell me to forget her, but she's not that bad really. I just think its a lack of trust
so you knew the advice rational people would give you before you even posted... i suggest you just follow that advice man
BUT.... since you're absolutely going to continue pursuing it, then i think you're focusing on the wrong thing. you seem to think the 'problem' is that she has these trust issues, and if only you can find the right way to explain how trustworthy you are, you can overcome it. i don't think so though. you've known this woman 9 years right? i bet she already has a pretty fully formed opinion on whether you are a trustworthy person or not. if she didn't think you were a good person she wouldn't be going to parties with you and acting in a manner people assume she's your GF. and you two obviously get along
so the real question is how attracted she is to you, and whether you're going to make a move. i think she's putting up the walls and mentioning all this hesitation to see how determined you are. i'm not exactly sure what you mean by "bottled" going for a kiss, but i'm assuming it means you didn't even try. take her on another date, and try to kiss her during it. nothing sleazy but don't be shy about it. right there you will know how attracted she is to you and whether this can go anywhere or not. if someone is single and not ready to kiss you after knowing you for nearly a decade, then they never will be
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