Discuss with my husband to have a child or not. He rejects. (girlfriend, married)
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I'm 45 and my husband is 56. we've been married 11 years.
In a beginning of out marriage, I was not ready to have a child. He told me he is too old to have one. I should more carefully what he said it. But again, I was not ready. I just let go the word.
Well, after 5 years, I was pregnant. Unfortunately I miscarriage. At the point, I start thinking little bit more about having a child. And he told me he will try.
Well, 2 years was passed. He never tried. I asked why and he said again. He dose not want to have one.
Some part of mind try to believe "I will try" instead of "dose not want to have one" even he said. Now I'm 45, one of my best girlfriend (46 years old) just got a pregnant and I seriously think about last chance to have one. I bring it up to him and he was just rejected. Even he rejected me, he said you could of been a good mother. Don't you think he is jerk??? I do not want to hear that especially he dose not let me have our child.
I'm devastated and hard to put myself together. I try hard everyday not to cry and think positive. But it is hard to be normal like use to. it's just happen 2 weeks ago. But he can't stand that i do not accept reality and do not get back normal right now.
i told him i need time to absorb. his reply was "i'd been the kind of relationship before and will not gonna change. it will bring it up again. if you do not change right now or move on, our relationship should be over now.
How come his mind is black or white for this situation? If some other situation that has to be black and white, he will put it as gray.
Sorry, I agree with your husband. I realize plenty of people have children later in life, but 56 is "old" to be a first time father. You will be 64 when your child graduates from high school, your husband will be 75...think longer term...
So you were 34 and 45 when you married. Even those ages are pushing it in my opinion. At that age you had no business putting off having kids if you were ever going to have them. Sorry, but I think you are too old and he is way too old at this point.
ETA 34 isn't too old, but at that age, there was no time to waste, IMO.
I'm 45 and my husband is 56. we've been married 11 years.
In a beginning of out marriage, I was not ready to have a child. He told me he is too old to have one. I should more carefully what he said it. But again, I was not ready. I just let go the word.
Well, after 5 years, I was pregnant. Unfortunately I miscarriage. At the point, I start thinking little bit more about having a child. And he told me he will try.
Well, 2 years was passed. He never tried. I asked why and he said again. He dose not want to have one.
Some part of mind try to believe "I will try" instead of "dose not want to have one" even he said. Now I'm 45, one of my best girlfriend (46 years old) just got a pregnant and I seriously think about last chance to have one. I bring it up to him and he was just rejected. Even he rejected me, he said you could of been a good mother. Don't you think he is jerk??? I do not want to hear that especially he dose not let me have our child.
I'm devastated and hard to put myself together. I try hard everyday not to cry and think positive. But it is hard to be normal like use to. it's just happen 2 weeks ago. But he can't stand that i do not accept reality and do not get back normal right now.
i told him i need time to absorb. his reply was "i'd been the kind of relationship before and will not gonna change. it will bring it up again. if you do not change right now or move on, our relationship should be over now.
How come his mind is black or white for this situation? If some other situation that has to be black and white, he will put it as gray.
Am I missing some point? I really need help.
What is more important to you at this point in time? Having a child or risk losing your husband? Why NOW do you all of a sudden want a baby? Are you missing something in your life now? Seems like YOU are the one changing the dynamics of your relationship. He said from the beginning that he didn't want children. So no, he is not being a jerk. Perhaps a little bit insensitive. But at least he hasn't changed...you have.
He told you right from the start he didnt want a child. Its not fair of you to pressure him to change his mind, especially at his age. You need to decide right now if you want a child or your husband. You can't have both.
I think your issue is with yourself not with him. I understand that it is innate in some women to want to be pregnant and be a mother. Those feelings are understandable. What is not justified is holding it against your husband, who said from the beginning that he didn't intend to have kids. Don't take it out on him.
When you got married, your husband told you he was too old to have kids. And you were okay with that.
How can you expect him to feel differently when he is 11 years older?
I think you have baby fever because your friend is pregnant, and you are thinking that could be me. Let's face the facts even if he said tomorrow sure let's go for it at your age, 45, there is a less than 1% chance you can get pregnant using your own eggs, and let's not forget if you do get pregnant there is a significantly higher incidence of genetic issues/disability. It seems to me you're being selfish. He told you he didn't want a child 11 years ago, and now all the sudden it's an issue for you. You should have never stayed with him if you wanted a child.
I think your issue is with yourself not with him. I understand that it is innate in some women to want to be pregnant and be a mother. Those feelings are understandable. What is not justified is holding it against your husband, who said from the beginning that he didn't intend to have kids. Don't take it out on him.
I agree with this. You need time to mourn the end of your dream to be a mother. I don't think your husband is being anything but honest. His viewpoint hasn't wavered. He could be more sympathetic as I'm sure this is painful for you.
Unfortunately, at this stage your chance of becoming pregnant and having a healthy baby is slim at best. You need to come to some acceptance that it just isn't in the cards.
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