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I'm having a dilemma. My boyfriend and i have been going out for over a year. We've had our ups and downs but one thing i've recently noticed is that our smallest arguments turn into him acting like we are breaking up. But the recent situation that's been weighting down on me sooo much i created this account so that i could talk to someone about it. That i feel like its time to take a step back and carry on MY own way is when i had an accident 2 days ago and was admitted to hospital with a sprained ankle.
Bearing in mind, Iam from England London, united kingdom if you havent gotten it by now. The only way i could post on this is if i had an american post code so i just googled one. My friends haven't really been around so im desperate. Plus im doused with painkillers so i'm so down. When i say admitted i mean that the ambulance picked me up from the TFL underground station and rushed me to the hospital where they checked my vitals, did x-rays on my ankle and turns out its sprained.
Hope this makes sense.
We got home and he was behaving like a normal boyfriend would. I couldn't walk myself to my front do so he had to carry me. That shouldn't even be a big deal. Was i supposed to crawl? urhg anyway i fell asleep and when i woke up he tells me he has to leave in 6 minutes because he was meeting his family for Chinese, basically lunch. Didn't even bother telling them he'd stay longer with me to see if I was alright. I was in pretty bad shape because an hour after he left I started vomiting. Had to go back to hospital. The nurse asked me if I could come with someone because I was all alone. Told her there was no one.
Had to ask my neighbour to come with me. Meanwhile my boyfriend was texting me shocked that I had to go back to hospital. Told him the nurse was telling me to come with someone and he said "is there no one you could come with" when he knew I'm the eldest and my other family is outside London. Anyway long story short I was hospitalised again and my neighbour was with me the whole night. He never came to visit me or stay up to see how I was doing. Got home at 10 am and wake up to see "how you feeling". He didn't call me once to actually ask how I was.
I knew he was going away for a spa day for his birthday. His birthday was the 23rd. His parents booked him a spa getaway.. But he had told me he was going Thursday to Friday. Apparently he told me the wrong dates because he left that Tuesday morning and didn't even bother saying he was off. I found out through his snap that he was away. It wasn't even the problem he was away. It was that he didn't tell me bye and as ill as Iam.
Me and my neighbour We are not THAT close. We've lived in the same building for years though went to the same secondary school. She's the only one that was close enough. It's just disappointing that I had no one that I considered family to help me go through it. None of my friends have stopped at my hous ever since they found out I had the accident either. and every since then i've just been very passive with him and not making an effort to speak to him...which means we don't talk. I havent talked to him since the day of the accident don't get me wrong im glad hes having a spa break. I'm just confused as to why that family dinner outing was so important for him to got that he couldnt' look after someone he says he loves. Also im very upset at the fact that it's just me and my mum and she wasn't there because she had to work a night shift, so i had to go through that whole ordeal overnight at the hospital with no one i considered family with me. To check if i got home ok. My mom did keep in contact with me every hour.
Basically want to know if im over thinking it or am i right to be upset?
@Wmsn4Life I'm trying to be very blase about this. It's just that i'm very upset you know. It was a very bad night for me. IT didn't help that when he called me and i told him i'd keep him updated he told me "well im going to sleep so just text me". He hasn't really mentioned that he feels bad. Im tired of always being the one to approach him when he's done something that we both know is inconsiderate. I'm always the on trying, and if i don't call him, you would be able to feel the absence of communication because im the one always messaging him. I've realised im' just taking my space.
@Wmsn4Life I'm trying to be very blase about this. It's just that i'm very upset you know. It was a very bad night for me. IT didn't help that when he called me and i told him i'd keep him updated he told me "well im going to sleep so just text me". He hasn't really mentioned that he feels bad. Im tired of always being the one to approach him when he's done something that we both know is inconsiderate. I'm always the on trying, and if i don't call him, you would be able to feel the absence of communication because im the one always messaging him. I've realised im' just taking my space.
It's easier to be blase about it when you realize that you are putting in most of the effort in the relationship.
Actions speak louder than words, so if his actions are careless, then that shows you where his heart is.
Now, having said that, I am going to offer some very honest feedback, and I want you to just read it and evaluate it and not look at it as an accusation.
The way you described your incident really reminds me of a friend I used to have who always had some kind of dramatic scenario taking place in her life. Is there a chance your boyfriend is responding this way because you ALWAYS have drama going on and he's trying to keep it in perspective? My friend was quite a drama queen who used to test her friends and love interests (and we always failed because her demands were frequent and immediate).
I know that you went through something scary and very unusual, but is this kind of thing happening a lot in your life, where you have a crisis that turns out to be not so bad afterwards?
I'm just asking because I don't know you at all and am trying to offer the best advice.
I understand what you mean. But seriously, everything i said happened as it did. Then again iam a very emotional person but im always trying to be positive. I've been through a lot in my life but im still here and im still pushing on. I have realised that im dramatic but its not one where it's bad. I tend to always realise im being dramatic and i calm myself. Its also a reason why i keep myself to myself and i dont really talk to my friends anymore. Because i don't want to tell someone my issues and they think im being dramatic. Because im always there for my friends and the people i care about no matter what. Even if they're dramatic themselves. ME telling my friends i was abused as a child, isnt to be dramatic. ME telling my friends or my boyfriend the **** i've been through in my life isn't dramatic. I hate when people ask me to open up then later on feel like im dramatic. Caus **** happens! and im the one dealing with it directly not them. I only let them know about it. And sometimes i don't want to. What's the point of being with someone if they cant love you the way you are? or just accept you as you are? Regardless if to HIM it wasn't that serious, it pretty much felt like it was for me. And if something happened to HIM and i acted like that, correct me if im wrong but..wouldn't he feel annoyed about it?
by the way, i never test him or my friends. never. I don't see the point. Because my reactions or the way i say things aren't to be dramatic. either you're there for me or you're not. I usually keep trying to be a good friend till i have enough and i withdraw. and im sure that anyone would love it if they could go to hospital have family around, its not much to ask for. its what i would do anyway. but maybe that's just me. and theres nothing bad about being emotional a lot. I know how to control my emotions. But if they get the best of me, im not a robot. :'/
The point is that you need to strive to be able to regulate your emotions, which is very different from "being a robot." It's not healthy to give until you can't take it anymore and then withdraw.
Don't get me wrong ... the way your BF responded to this event was rather distant, and you have to decide if it's a sign that he's lost interest.
But you also need to spend more time looking at your approach to life.
I really encourage you to read this carefully and try some of the steps:
I feel like first, it would help to have more examples of his behavior in your relationship to give more of an overall view but based on the fact you say he is sometimes acting like he's going to break up with you -- can you please explain more in detail about his comments or actions that your referring to about him acting like he is inferring he'll break up with you? It doesn't sound good at all and I want to say that when a man starts to hint at or hold the break up card over your head at times it often means he is in some degree considering the possibility and it's time to run not walk away -- BUT since your post did t elaborate on what he is doing or saying about threatening to break up I want to have more info to really give you my advice
That's very true. I get therapy. But at the same time i can't keep running after people. Sometimes its just best i keep myself to myself. That way if im asked about whats going on and can avoid any "she's being dramatic" situations. There will be other people out there who understand me regardless of me being dramatic. I won't have to chase them. I refuse to be an inconvenience for people. They only care when they want to care and im supposed to accept it. my approach to life is fine though, don't get me wrong i appreciate the help. It's just i've been through a lot and im v proud of myself for being someone whose positive, cares and love without limits and is still fighting the good fight. Regardless of the fact that my emotions aren't THAT regulated. But i will try those steps. they'll teach me something new.
At the same time i shouldn't feel bad about the fact that may accident appeared "dramatic" to him. my mother didn't think so and neither did my father when he called. He decided to pull away that's up to him. But i refuse to feel bad and feel like it's my fault.
@mondayafternoons
to make it short, we had a very silly argument due to communication. It resulted in a conversation in which he said he didn't want to talk before going to bed. I then told him to forget about it and that whatever he wants to do that makes him happy. That if he is unhappy then maybe he should go. he then asked me if i was talking about breaking up and i said no i didn't want to break up. But if he wasn't unhappy and i couldn't make him happy then it was up to him. He then proceeded to say "well, i wish you all the best"
Over message mind you. I was so confused. over something so silly and the lack of communication was on his part mind you ( he later admitted to that and apologised). sometimes i feel like he's playing games with me.
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