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My fiance and I were living together in a house with his Aunt, her husband and her 2 children along with hisyounger brother and his Grandma. This is legally his parents house but they like in OK. The aunt moved inbecause supposedly she couldn't pay for the duplex that is owned my my fiances parents. Ever since I movedin the Aunt and younger brother would instigate and call or text the parents on consistant basis saying that Iwas lazy, rude, hard to talk to and that I was lying about being sick. I was in my first trimester and terriblysick due to morning sickness. Instead of investigating the situation the parents just believed the Aunt andbrother. The aunt does not take care of her own children but she expects you to do what she wants when shesays so and to cook and clean. The brother is the favorite and whatever he says is true because he could neverlie. Even if my fiance stood up for me and us his parents would say that he's a liar.
For the 5 months that I lived with them there had been no confrontation. I know where I stand and since theyare still traditional I would never argue with any of them. I heard her yelling and cussing and I told my fianceto come home because I have a feeling there might be an issue. She barged into my room not caring that Iwas skyping with my family cause she was upset I did not come to her when she demanded but the truth is shetold my daughter to come get me and my daughter said I was on the phone (my daughter is 9). She said shedidn't care if my family heard her and she wanted them to listen to what she had to say to me. I never cussedor yelled but I was very upset and I told her that I know she never liked me. And that I know she has beencalling my fiances parents gossiping about me when she could just come talk to me. She denied everything andkicked me out without giving me time to pack. No one stopped her and his parents let her do as she pleasedeven knowing I was 20 weeks pregnant. She was going to inherit the house for free and everything in it so it makes sense why she wants me out. His parents told him that we needed to live at their machine shop for the time being and it could be a few months. There's no running hot water, no showers and only a thin mattress. Because he works for his family they only pay him $1,000 dollars a month so we didn't have money.If it wasn't for my family and I then we wouldn't have had anything to eat. His parents never asked us if wehad money or if we were okay they just told us and pretty demanded us to live like homeless people knowing Ihave a daughter. He couldn't leave his parents yet he didn't want me to live like that. So he sent me backhome since I still have my apartment which is in a different state.
I gave up my job and sold my car and now I have nothing. He asked his parents for a raise so that he couldrent his own place so that he can take care of our family but his parents said no. They need the money from the business to build houses for the family and to provide for their family. All the kids are over 25 and the parents have had this business since 1999 making 500k if not more. His parents want him to slave for them and to live in a small trailer with no hot water and just make money for them. They actually wanted me to raise my soon to be born son and daughter in a small trailer also. It's immoral. He says he can't leave his parents and disappoint and leave me and our baby. He says he will live a life of hatred,regret and misery toplease his parents and hopefully one day they will except him. I just don't understand!
How do you throw the family you created away to live a life of slaving to please your family who doesn't evencare about your child and soon to be wife? How do you throw away your happiness because someone tells youto? He's still trying to hold onto me because he says he loves me and knows I'm a good person. He told me togive him time until the baby is born and that he will be here for at least 2 weeks and in the meantime maybeget his parents to change their mind. Or possibly when the baby is here then it will realistically hit him that hisson is just too important to throw away. Since the baby isn't born I don't think he fully understands the conceptyet. Maybe the baby is our only hope but I don't know. I don't know what to do. I'm stressed and depressed and I feel so sorry for our son. Also I don't want him to live a life of misery trying to please his parents when I know they'll never be satisfied. I'm trying to save our family but it's his family that is too selfish for their own needs.
Until he grows up and decides to change his life, stand up to his family and get his priorities straight you are better off without him in my opinion. You nor your children will ever come before his parents, if you stay with him get used to being last on the importance list.
Not really a parenting issue, should have been posted in relationships, but, I agree with CSD. Your fiance is over 25, and has chosen the easy way out by staying with his family. I'm sorry for you, but I hope you do the right thing by your baby and demand child support. I hope you are also getting some for your daughter.
Until he grows up and decides to change his life, stand up to his family and get his priorities straight you are better off without him in my opinion. You nor your children will ever come before his parents, if you stay with him get used to being last on the importance list.
Until he grows up and decides to change his life, stand up to his family and get his priorities straight you are better off without him in my opinion. You nor your children will ever come before his parents, if you stay with him get used to being last on the importance list.
I guess... is there a chance when he comes when I give birth to make him see things differently? He will be here for 2 weeks and away from his families influence and pressure. They won't be able to control him or watch his every move... can I help him break the cycle?
I guess... is there a chance when he comes when I give birth to make him see things differently? He will be here for 2 weeks and away from his families influence and pressure. They won't be able to control him or watch his every move... can I help him break the cycle?
I will be very surprised if he stays the entire two weeks and I doubt he will be out of contact with his family for two weeks. As far as breaking the cycle, NO you cannot help him, HE has to WANT to break the cycle then be strong enough emotionally and willing to actually make the break and stick with it. If I were you I would not hold my breath waiting on him to grow up and cut those strings.
At the end of the day though it is ultimately YOUR DECISION what YOU DO. YOU know yourself and him and no one here knows either of you. We can read your words and offer our opinion of what you wrote however, we cannot have the complete picture simply because we read ONLY YOUR WORDS and NOT HIS as well.
Don't decide with your heart when it comes to him, you NEED to make the decision what is the best for your children and leave him out of the picture. He has already sent you away to another state, he has not stood up for you or his unborn child against his family, he has not attempted to get another job that pays better, he has not really supported you emotionally or financially. Does any of this make him appear that he is mature and shows you that you and his unborn child are more important than his family?
Did I read that correctly that he is not even coming to see you UNTIL THE BIRTH? You do know that birth can happen at any moment right? There is no "waiting" on him to show up to be there and the birth will happen whether he is there or not.
Why is he waiting so long? Why isn't he there with you right now? Why did he send you away to your parents? Why did he not stand up for you with his family? Why is he not sending you money? Why did he send you away with nothing?
These are questions you need to ask him and see what answers you get. That will (or should) tell you what is going to happen after this child is born.
I guess... is there a chance when he comes when I give birth to make him see things differently? He will be here for 2 weeks and away from his families influence and pressure. They won't be able to control him or watch his every move... can I help him break the cycle?
They won't even give him a raise and he was ok with that. Even though its only a thousand dollars a month (12K a year!!!?!), it wasn't enough to prompt him to look for a job that pays more.
And you think/hope you can "break the cycle"? You should've gotten yourself a real man with a better family. He should not be your project to fix, he can't even help himself. But... as it is, you need to take care of yourself and children. Remove yourself from that living situation. Stay with your family. So far, your boyfriend has proven unreliable; I wouldn't stake so much hope for him.
They won't even give him a raise and he was ok with that. Even though its only a thousand dollars a month (12K a year!!!?!), it wasn't enough to prompt him to look for a job that pays more.
And you think/hope you can "break the cycle"? You should've gotten yourself a real man with a better family. He should not be your project to fix, he can't even help himself. But... as it is, you need to take care of yourself and children. Remove yourself from that living situation. Stay with your family. So far, your boyfriend has proven unreliable; I wouldn't stake so much hope for him.
You guys are right... I guess I'm just hoping that when he finally holds his son then maybe he will realize something... and realize how much he can love someone more then anything else. It's a far stretch I know! I'm preparing myself for the worse and trying to figure out what I need to do.
Blood is thicker than water, and his parents will likely come before you. It sounds like their will one day be an money, homes and businesses that will be passed down to the adult children. If this is the case you can bet that your boyfriend is not going to stand up to his parents. Stay where you are for now since you need decent housing for your daughter, yourself, and you soon-to-be son. No one can make your fiance grow up. What he should do is take the skills he has and get a job working for someone else and then rent a place your all of you. As far as you living with all his family, that is a recipe for disaster and you are better off now than then. You just need to hope that your fiance will do what is best for you and him and the children and stop kissing his parents a$$.
No child should be born with an agenda and this is what you are doing to your unborn son--expecting him to hold your family together.
It sounds to me like his parents are essentially supporting a bunch of free loaders in one house. How many people in this house? let's see you and your daughter, your Bf, his aunt and two kids and a brother? that's at least 7 and a new baby on the way? how big is this house?
Smell the coffee- this guy and his family are not going to change. start trying to get some child support out of him cause he will not be a part of your life. Why would you want to start a family with someone who is so dependent on his parents for everything including a job and a place to live?
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