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3 dates isn't that many, but I've had guys disappear on me and it really sucks. I don't need an in person meeting, or even a phone call, but it's stinks being ignored and not knowing if someone is blowing you off, or busy or what. Just a simple this isn't going to work out text lets her know there won't be any future dates, so she won't be sitting around wondering why she hasn't heard from you. I don't think she really needs to know a detailed explanation why (though I am kinda curious if she's so sweet and beautiful what's wrong with her you don't want to date her?).
I'm old-school this way, but I think if you've been on three dates and you don't want to pursue anything further, you should tell her. Doesn't have to be a big deal, a phone call or text would be okay, but just disappearing is a coward move.
This is what I would do. Just say something along the lines that you have enjoyed the dates you went on but you dont feel that you want to pursue a relationship.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Urbcentric
Met a girl the old fashioned way (i.e., at a bar/club). She was initially relucant to give me her number as she is not into "playing around" . Her words, not mine.
Nevertheless, she gave me her contact info and we had three dates. Nothing more physical than kissing occurred on our dates. She very much wants a relationship. But after three dates I decided I do not want to continue seeing her.
Do I owe her an explanation or can I just cut off communication and let her know that way? She sent me a text a few days ago saying, "I am a bit sad." I asked why and she said, "Because I have not heard from you." I had not contacted her in 3 or 4 days after our third date.
At the risk of sounding like a typical guy: I would certainly like to date her on a more casual basis. But as she seems to be the type who does not go for that I am attempting to the right thing and let it go now. I do not want to mislead her. I went on the first few dates thinking I could really date her exclusively. However, after three dates I decided that is not the case.
Thanks for any input.
You don't "owe" her an explanation. However most decent people would give a brief statement to her of their feelings I'd like to think.
Just let her know that you enjoyed yourself when you were with her but you are not ready for a serious relationship and it has nothing to do with her. You really don't have to go into specific detail and leave it at that.
For me personally, I have a much easier time when a guy just tells me flat out that he's no longer interested. Yes, it sucks to hear it, but I forget about those guys really quickly and move on. On the other hand, I end up thinking about/pining for the ones who do the disappearing act years later, so if the girl is anything like me, it would be much more considerate to just give her closure and tell her directly that it's not going to work out and wish her luck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe the Photog
There is no honor is texting someone a break up, even after only three casual dates.
Some guy did that to me the day before Valentine's Day. lol
How about, "You are very sweet and beautiful but I am just not ready to be in a serious relationship."
The alternative (true statment) which I would NEVER actually say to her is, "You are very sweet and beautiful but I am just not ready to be in a serious relationship with you."
Dude, no need to lay it on thick. Just tell her she's into a committed deal, you're not, so you're doing her the favor of cutting her loose. Be straight with her that you're not the right dude for her and you're not into stringing chicks along. She won't be able to argue with that, cuz she told you she wasn't into the casual scene. It's a bullet-proof angle. The sweet & beautiful routine just sounds like you're buttering her up to ultimately bring her down. She'll see through that. Keep it real. Good luck to you.
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