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As I mentioned in a thread before, I'm dating a girl now for about 3 months. We've been on a few dates already and hung out a few times to get to know each other. We've both solidified that we are not looking to be exclusive at the moment since when it comes to relationships, we both have very similar ideals and for right now we just want to date and "have fun" without any commitment or exclusivity. We also talked about expressing jealousy but without keeping tabs on each other. However, this past Friday I sort of upset and very jealous, though I feel I shouldn't.
She was out clubbing with her girlfriend and basically the next day she texted me and told me she kissed another guy who she was dancing with at the club. I DID NOT ask her at all but she decided she just wanted to be honest with me and tell me she did that. I appreciated her honesty, though I was a little annoyed, upset and jealous. Sure, I wouldn't mind her being telling me if I ASKED but I wasn't sure if she told me this to see how I would react or see if I didn't care. Perhaps its a test? I'm not sure. She says she's not interested in the guy and she was a little high on molly (a party drug for the uninitiated).
She apologized to me and I did express my feelings but there wasn't an argument or anything and nor was I nagging. It's just been playing in the back of my head as of late and I'm simply jealous and its bugging me OUT.
She has gotten jealous a few times because she thinks I either want younger women (she's 9 years older than I) and when I left for work last week, she got upset because she thought I was having sex with other women, when in reality I did 0% of anything sexual with any women.
What should I make of this? I do really like her and I don't want her to lose interest, so I've been paranoid about that (as silly as it sounds) and I won't be able to see her for a week since I'm away for work so it makes it that much difficult to make things clear till then. I'm just sensitive and I overly think stuff. We told each other that "we love each other" and for the most part, I feel its genuine but I'm worried she might have ADD and forget about me. I feel like asking her if she's losing interest in me but I feel like asking that exact question will make her lose interest in me or she'll think I'm a weakling.
I would let it slide this time, but if it ever comes up again while you are are just casual, I would try to mention "It's cool with whatever you do when we aren't together, but let's not report back to each other if something does happen."
I donno if I would word it exactly as such, but something along those lines.
And IMO, when someone says they 'kissed', it is very possible that kissing is the tip of the iceberg.
When I am casual with someone, I don't ask about yesterday or tomorrow. Current events become critical convo pieces, as well do political issues, as long as they can be discussed civilly.
Pretty much anything to keep convo off of "Soooo, how was your weekend? Any hotties at the club?" haha, I dont want to know, and I do KNOW. No point in asking.
Keep it causal and fun.
But if you are jealous, perhaps casual is not for you.
And also, she may be playing with you. Hard to say. Either she was being totally honest, or she's playing/testing you. Either way, I'm not a fan. And I assume when people are casual, they should know to not relay their hook up stories to other people they hook up with.
But on that note, I have dealt with someone who hooked up with a guy I know. She started telling me about.... um, him. And it led me to wonder. "I wonder if she told him about me?"
I'm kind of confused... You've been dating for a few months but have only been out a few times? And you've told each other you love each other but don't want to be exclusive? Could you elaborate on these things?
If you're 'casual' there is no expectation of commitment so why shouldn't both of you actively date/kiss/whatever with other people?
I get that you want to keep it casual, but it sounds like both of you want the benefits of a casual relationship (being able to see others and basically have an open schedule) AND the benefits of a committed one (exclusivity, emotional connection etc.) and I don't necessarily think things work like that.
Why should either of you feel jealous, if you're not exclusive? You guys need to sort out what you really want. And if you're not exclusive, but she felt the need to tell you what happened with another guy (??!), that makes no sense. You're not exclusive, so there's no need to tell after the kiss. And she said you're free to see other people, but then she gets paranoid that you're....being with other people. You're both behaving as if you want to be exclusive, but neither one has the guts to admit it to the other. You both need to sit down and discuss this and clarify what you really want.
I almost suspect that she wants a commitment from you without giving you one herself. Not a good situation for you to be in.
is she trying to make you feel jealous and insecure? that is my take on it...why else would she mention it. If she is 9 years older than you then I am sure she is pretty insecure about that, so she just wants to make the point that other men are attracted to her.
I would be concerned about why she is taking a party drug and then blaming her actions on that
How old are you? If you have feelings, why don't you just make it exclusive?
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