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If there's one thing that having a baby has taught me - it's not to judge other families. I mean, I still make snap judgements like, "Well, of course she has time to work out and stay a size 2 - she has a NANNY!!!" and, "Why doesn't she tell her kid NO!!!" - but at the end of the day, every child is different, every parent is different, and every family is different. I don't like it when people tell me what SHOULD work best for me and I have no right to tell others what should work best for them.
Agreed. Honestly, people who don't have kids and dole out the judgements are pretty easy to ignore. It's the judgemental parents (so I'm learning) that are royal PIAs. I've been learning all about sanctimommies/daddies online. I hope I don't run across them offline.
To me there are many variations of a SAHM. If you have three kids under 6 in a 2500 sq ft home, that is very different from having one 8-yr old in a 1000 sq ft apartment.
One of my sisters has a 7 yr old (at school most of the day), a beautiful beach house with a weekly cleaning service, but her house is always a mess .
However, they are very active. Her daughter is always either at dance lessons, tennis lessons, play dates, etc. So, they are not "at home" much. They seem happy, so I guess it works for them. But, I have to admit, if I was her husband and came home to that mess every day, it would drive me crazy. I guess the fact that she is a fantastic chef makes up for a lot!
If there's one thing that having a baby has taught me - it's not to judge other families. I mean, I still make snap judgements like, "Well, of course she has time to work out and stay a size 2 - she has a NANNY!!!" and, "Why doesn't she tell her kid NO!!!" - but at the end of the day, every child is different, every parent is different, and every family is different. I don't like it when people tell me what SHOULD work best for me and I have no right to tell others what should work best for them.
True enough. But a discussion board can be about trends. I believe that there is a trend towards really ineffective discipline that expects too little of children's ability to cope. With the waning popularity of corporal punishment (thank goodness) many people have not found effective replacement techniques. (For my full rants, stop by the parenting board. )Because they cannot expect anything from their kids, they spend the day entertaining the munchkins to keep them occupied so they are not howling meanies. They spend so much time on "parenting" (aka playing with and entertaining their kids) that they "can't" do the other stuff. They don't get that if you can expect your children to behave, doing the dishes, shopping, cooking, laundry is every bit as educational and enriching as the "parenting" stuff. YES it takes 10 times longer. But it is not just choring, it is "parenting" too.
If someone can afford a housekeeper or a nanny so they can go to the gym, so what? Go for it. I could not care less how one spends one's money. But for those families that are participating in this trend, it seems to make for unhappy and often resentful husbands. When they know full well that there mothers were able to "parent" and make sure there was clean clothes and food, it is hard to stomach having to come home to an equal split on the chores.
True enough. But a discussion board can be about trends. I believe that there is a trend towards really ineffective discipline that expects too little of children's ability to cope. With the waning popularity of corporal punishment (thank goodness) many people have not found effective replacement techniques. (For my full rants, stop by the parenting board. )Because they cannot expect anything from their kids, they spend the day entertaining the munchkins to keep them occupied so they are not howling meanies. They spend so much time on "parenting" (aka playing with and entertaining their kids) that they "can't" do the other stuff. They don't get that if you can expect your children to behave, doing the dishes, shopping, cooking, laundry is every bit as educational and enriching as the "parenting" stuff. YES it takes 10 times longer. But it is not just choring, it is "parenting" too.
If someone can afford a housekeeper or a nanny so they can go to the gym, so what? Go for it. I could not care less how one spends one's money. But for those families that are participating in this trend, it seems to make for unhappy and often resentful husbands. When they know full well that there mothers were able to "parent" and make sure there was clean clothes and food, it is hard to stomach having to come home to an equal split on the chores.
Yes, but I know a lot of mothers back then had family nearby and available to help. These days families are spread out across the continent and globe OR because we're having children later in life, family is no longer around to help out. Come December, I will have 4 under the age of 7. My husband is home maybe half the year, if that. My inlaws live in another state and my parents are often traveling to a different state to help out my sister with her infant twins.
It's funny how nobody is in an uproar over people hiring landscapers, but a cleaning service is a no-no. LOL
Yes, but I know a lot of mothers back then had family nearby and available to help. These days families are spread out across the continent and globe OR because we're having children later in life, family is no longer around to help out. Come December, I will have 4 under the age of 7. My husband is home maybe half the year, if that. My inlaws live in another state and my parents are often traveling to a different state to help out my sister with her infant twins.
It's funny how nobody is in an uproar over people hiring landscapers, but a cleaning service is a no-no. LOL
Yeah - my mom and my in-laws are both in different parts of the country. For what it's worth, I don't think that perfectly clean houses and perfect moms were the norm in any generation. The past is always idealized.
Yes, but I know a lot of mothers back then had family nearby and available to help. These days families are spread out across the continent and globe OR because we're having children later in life, family is no longer around to help out. Come December, I will have 4 under the age of 7. My husband is home maybe half the year, if that. My inlaws live in another state and my parents are often traveling to a different state to help out my sister with her infant twins.
It's funny how nobody is in an uproar over people hiring landscapers, but a cleaning service is a no-no. LOL
You're correct in that extended family played a significant role back in the day. But, I don't see why it's anybody's business what you do to make it work for your family.
Yes, but I know a lot of mothers back then had family nearby and available to help. These days families are spread out across the continent and globe OR because we're having children later in life, family is no longer around to help out. Come December, I will have 4 under the age of 7. My husband is home maybe half the year, if that. My inlaws live in another state and my parents are often traveling to a different state to help out my sister with her infant twins.
It's funny how nobody is in an uproar over people hiring landscapers, but a cleaning service is a no-no. LOL
You're correct in that extended family played a significant role back in the day. But, I don't see why it's anybody's business what you do to make it work for your family.
DOES it work for these families? I think tired resentful husband is a bad thing. Isn't he a member of the family?
DOES it work for these families? I think tired resentful husband is a bad thing. Isn't he a member of the family?
Just because you resent it doesn't mean others do.
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)Because they cannot expect anything from their kids, they spend the day entertaining the munchkins to keep them occupied so they are not howling meanies. They spend so much time on "parenting" (aka playing with and entertaining their kids) that they "can't" do the other stuff. They don't get that if you can expect your children to behave, doing the dishes, shopping, cooking, laundry is every bit as educational and enriching as the "parenting" stuff. YES it takes 10 times longer. But it is not just choring, it is "parenting" too.
