Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Do not get your hopes up.
Lots of people, men and women, like to have this kind of flirtation with a co-worker BECAUSE they see it as a safe way to "play."
I've worked with guys like this before, and I've done it myself. Have you heard of the term "work wife"? I've been a work wife before, and it makes the workday more fun and makes it go faster. It's a co-worker with whom you have a close PLATONIC relationship that can be VERY flirty but has NO chance of going further. Even other co-workers would think you are into each other and know about the "work marriage" and understand that it's safe.
He may very well find you attractive, but in his mind, flirting with you is safe because 1) he has a GF and 2) you're co-workers. That's two boundaries he obviously does not want to cross or he would have done it by now.
TRY to push the obsessive thoughts out of your mind, and do not get excited about ANYTHING unless he actually asks you out.
I've definitely seen the whole "work wife/work husband" thing before at work, and that's not what this has been. I definitely keep it professional around others, but there are moments when we pass each other that we share these incredibly intense eye locks. It's more than just silly flirting. It's obvious that there's an incredible desire between both of us. It's really unlike anything I've ever experienced before. Like I've said before on this board, I met my last boyfriend at work. We were flirty and chatted a lot. It was really sweet, but it never had the intensity that this situation has. I'm in my 30s, so it's not as if I have no dating experience or anything. That's why I thought it was actually going somewhere.
I think you raise two really good points about the boundaries, though. I will also take your advice about not getting excited about anything unless he finally asks me out, which I don't think is going to happen. I already have plans to go out this weekend to meet other people. I need to move on and not focus on this man.
Thank you, Jillabean, for the links! I checked them out and found them very useful. So thank you very much for your help!
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
Katykat, do you think he can tell or knows that you like him? Not that it matters because he's taken and you can't get what you need from him anyway, but I'm just curious.
Srjth, yes, he knows I like him. I can't imagine he hasn't realized how stupid I am around him (he's stupid around me too), how I light up when I see him and can't even control the seductive look in my eyes. He does the same thing. I admit that I probably have sent mixed signals, since I behave professionally if there too many people around, especially people who know us or work with either of us regularly. When people who don't work with us are around, I'm entirely focused on him and not so professional - as in I smile, joke, flirt, and stare into his eyes. I also have many of these moments around him when it's just us. Well, it's never just us because the place is always so busy with people, but when people who work with us aren't within ear shot.
I haven't seen him since I found out and likely won't see him before next week, but I'm terrified to see him now. I have no idea how I'll react when I next see him, since I am seriously upset.
Thank you all for taking the time to respond. I appreciate your support and feedback.
So sorry this happened. It really stinks when the person you like doesn't feel the same way, or is taken. In this case, if he really is flirting and has a girlfriend, then, well, you dodged a bullet. Either he was flirting with you just to feel good about himself, or was planning to cheat on her, or he's the type who hangs on to a woman he's planning to eventually dump because he doesn't want to be alone (or go through a dry spell in bed) until he's got a new one lined up. None of those scenarios are good.
I don't want to hijack srjth's thread about crushes, but I posted on there this morning about having a crush on a guy. Actually, I've posted several things on here over the past few months about my crush at work on an older man. The flirting escalated over the past few months. He would stop me in the hallway to talk about anything, hold long gazing looks with me, wave to me if he was too far away to say hi, stop by to chat with me in the lunch room, etc. If I was speaking to someone else, he made it a point to listen and include himself in the conversation. He would get really nervous around me and do silly things that I never saw him do around anyone else. It was obvious that he was going out of his way to flirt with me and show his interest.
Yesterday, I worked with his team for the first time in months, but I kept it completely professional. It was obvious to me he wanted to talk to me and he listened to everything I said to another team member and commented on things. He just wanted to talk to me. Today, I didn't work with his team, but I ran into one of the women on his team that I worked with yesterday to see how her day was. We both agreed that today was rough and that working with him is so much nicer because he's such a nice guy and relaxing to be around. I asked if he was married, because it struck me as odd that such a great guy isn't taken. (I just wanted to confirm what I thought I knew.) She said he's not married, but has a girlfriend. I didn't react, but got out of there before I could react.
Needless to say, I am crushed. I seriously thought he was going to ask me out. We even talked about how we haven't seen each other lately in our city because we had been running into each other before. He asked where I've been. But he NEVER mentions a girlfriend when he's around me. I've worked with his team before and he never mentioned her. He didn't mention her yesterday, even when he told me went away for a few days last week. I assume he went with her.
I told one girl at work who knows I like him about it and asked if I had imagined everything that's happened the past few months. She assured me I hadn't imagined it, that's he's very interested, but that maybe his relationship isn't good. She also said that in all the years she's worked there, she's never seen him flirt with anyone, so it seems odd that he was so interested in flirting with me.
I don't get it! I consistently attract guys who aren't available. When I walk down the street, guys check me out, but they're usually with a girl. Last year I dated a guy who had a wife he kept trying to deny. Before that, it was another guy who had a girlfriend. This is ridiculous!
I just need to vent and maybe hear any kind of feedback you all have. I've been single for 6 years and was hoping it would work out with him, since he really has so many qualities I've been looking for. Back to square one.
I've had a huge crush on a coworker for a few years now so I can understand how you feel. Unfortunately, my crush is married with a kid. A girlfriend isn't that big of a deal. You can still go after him without being considered a homewrecker. Not that you should just throw yourself at him, but I'm just saying that he's not quite off the market yet.
I've had a huge crush on a coworker for a few years now so I can understand how you feel. Unfortunately, my crush is married with a kid. A girlfriend isn't that big of a deal. You can still go after him without being considered a homewrecker. Not that you should just throw yourself at him, but I'm just saying that he's not quite off the market yet.
That's exactly what my mom said. But I also mentioned what the other person mentioned above: that I'm not sure I want to be involved with someone who flirts with other women while taken. But it could be that the relationship is brand new or is ending. I can't say I've never felt desires for others while in a relationship, but the interest was definitely strongest when things weren't going well and the relationship was about to end. That I can understand.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
moments around him when it's just us. Well, it's never just us because the place is always so busy with people, but when people who work with us aren't within ear shot.
