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well i don't have clear advice as to what you should do
i just know what you should NOT do. And that is: do not mention a peep about other men, who came earlier, who you might've had sex with more quickly than your current boyfriend.
That's a given. I don't discuss them at all. And I definitely don't tell guys that I have had women in my past
I Dated women until last year, I'm currently dating guys.
IMO, you're going to have difficulty explaining that your bi and that now you are only interested in men and want to wait to have sex/star a family/settle down etc.
IMO, you're going to have difficulty explaining that your bi and that now you are only interested in men and want to wait to have sex/star a family/settle down etc.
That's to be expected, but this isn't something that is out of the blue. I've always been bi and have always wanted to settle down. It just wasn't the right time.
That's to be expected, but this isn't something that is out of the blue. I've always been bi and have always wanted to settle down. It just wasn't the right time.
If I were you I would focus on how to find a man who is going to be comfortable with your sexuality and who you can be honest and open with about your past.
I wouldn't worry about the waiting to have sex thing. It pales in comparison.
Relationships are a lot of work for men, especially at the beginning.
So it's totally different to compare a situation where you're single, free and answer to no one --
versus when you're in a relationship with a person who expect you to provide them with your time, attention, and/or resources, to support them emotionally, to listen to them talk about stuff you may not care about ... and for the most part men wouldn't need this type of reciprocation even if it was offered.
Well, most people aren't in a relationship when they first start dating. I mean, who goes out with a person 1-2 times and says, "your the one, let's be exclusive... now, let me share my deepest feelings with you." Usually you are still getting to know the person about 5 dates in.
If you don't care about the stuff the person is talking about, I would venture to say you don't care about the person in the first place. Heck, I care about my co-workers enough to listen to their problems--with someone I love and think I might spend my life with, his problems would be a priority in my life. And that's exactly what the OP is trying to find and what she's trying to eliminate by not having sex right away--men just interesting in dating and not interested in something closer, more intimate and long term.
When I thought about it, I suppose a lot would depend on where in life you are. When I was in college, I saw my boyfriends daily--so things *did* move faster. Now that I am am working and my dates are working, we are lucky to find the time to get together 1-2 times a week for a few hours (I am certainly not inviting men I just met and only went out with for a total time less than the length of a board meeting to spend time alone with my in my house). The amount of time spent together in college vs post-college makes a BIG difference. At 30-years-old, I am assuming this is where the OP is at (unless she's a grad student). Two months would be about 8-10 dates most likely (for a working professional).
EDIT: BTW, dating is a lot of work for both men and women. If a woman isn't working on a relationship too, I would advice a man to look elsewhere or else he will be pulling dead weight (and vice versa for women).
If I were you I would focus on how to find a man who is going to be comfortable with your sexuality and who you can be honest and open with about your past.
I wouldn't worry about the waiting to have sex thing. It pales in comparison.
Honestly, most men dont really care about your bi tendencies or sexual past with women, for most it'll likely be a turn on. Nowhere near as much as women, who will not have anything to do with a bi male, 99% of the time. OP, just frame it in a way that isnt scarry. Saying, i want to wait till the time is right, to alot of guys may sound like they have to wait a couple of years. Say something like, "id like to wait a litle bit, until we get to know one another and are alot more comfoortable together. Just frame it differently, where there is still a possibility of you two being intimate in near future, and you shouldnt have this problem. Poor men. They have no idea how much women love sex as well, and that they really never, ever have to beg for it.
If a guy can't wait 5 dates or a month or so, he's probably not seriously interested in a LTR. Congratulations! You've just screened out those who don't want what you want. You're not wasting time with someone who isn't potentially serious.
However, don't wait too long - you may drive away the serious guys as well. Most don't want to be treated a lot differently than you've treated past dates, no doubt. However, there is no good way to know their intentions. Even the truly serious ones may find after a few months (whether they've had to wait for sex or not) that you're not compatible. You may find them incompatible. There is no assurance that waiting will find you the right man - it will only help eliminate some of the wrong ones.
Honestly, most men dont really care about your bi tendencies or sexual past with women, for most it'll likely be a turn on. Nowhere near as much as women, who will not have anything to do with a bi male, 99% of the time. OP, just frame it in a way that isnt scarry. Saying, i want to wait till the time is right, to alot of guys may sound like they have to wait a couple of years. Say something like, "id like to wait a litle bit, until we get to know one another and are alot more comfoortable together. Just frame it differently, where there is still a possibility of you two being intimate in near future, and you shouldnt have this problem. Poor men. They have no idea how much women love sex as well, and that they really never, ever have to beg for it.
Interesting, most men I have dated freaked out at stories of me making out with girls at bars/parties.
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