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You did the right thing. Absolutely. It will take time, but you will be FINE. And CERTAINLY much better off than if you had gone through with the marriage. You are only 24, you have many many years ahead of you to find someone that is worthy of your trust and love. Take your time.
The thing about shock and grief is, it gets better. Time heals all wounds, literally. You are very young, he was your first love, your entire future seems shattered.
It's not. You are young, young, young. When you get to my age you'll remember him and his gay ways fondly and laugh at the way your life changed for the better after you left him, and what a lucky escape you had.
Forget about settling down. Live an independent single life for a while, grow up a bit, start being YOU instead of half of a couple.
Find yourself a real man/men to learn what they should be like, they're everywhere and they're looking for you. You sound like a great catch and I'm sure you've got hearts to break yourself in the future so stop fretting and start enjoying your new lease of life!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by mollyma
I just called off my wedding to my fiance. I am meant to be getting married November 30th and I have called off my own wedding.
My whole life has crumbled. literally. I feel so lost and down and feel like I have nowhere to go. I have been with my fiance since I was 18 and I am now 24.
We met in college and have been together since, he got offered a job in Chicago and after 6 years of dating proposed to me, because we would be getting married in November we moved to Chicago for his new job last year November planning 1 year engagement.
I am from Canada and we both moved to Chicago, I left my job, my friends, my life and everything so we could move here and start our life here only knowing him here in Chicago.
We bought our house here in Chicago, I finally found a job and I honestly thought we were on our way. Everything was good and we've just been busy planning our wedding and honeymoon.
Over the past few months everything changed. to cut a long story short I realized that all these years my fiance has had a secret life completely.
1. Between age 15-25 (while we were together) my fiance has had a completely secret bisexual life. He swears he hasn't done anything with any guys despite flirting but honestly I do not believe him.
2. He has an addiction to gay pornography which I had no idea about (I use his laptop all the time but never saw it he was very smart) he has confessed he watches it almost every other day before i wake up.
3. He also has this whole circle of secret friends (female) who he acts as their gay best of friend around (I've never met these women before)
I never knew about any of this and found out by a slip chance (he has a secret email account which he used to order something, i say the Ebay invoice and thought hmmm and i went digging from there).
I found this all out this week but since moving here things have crumbled because I had my women instinct about this and since we moved here something just wasn't right.
He is crying and begging saying he isn't gay bla bla bla but honestly i think it would be crazy for me to go ahead with the wedding. If he has been having this secret life for 10 years it wont just magically go away.
Now I am here and I feel I threw my youth, my life all down the drain for a lie and I don't think I will be able to live properly after this.
I just feel so shocked and lost. I left everything behind in Canada to move here and feel I have lost everything I have ever known. I'm going to have to go back to Canada rebuild my life again and start over when I knew this man since i was so young.
I don't know were to even begin rebuilding my life again.I have nooone I love around me. My mum passed away and back in Canada I only have my brother. I feel I have nothing to go back to and nothing here. My whole life has shattered apart.
Please reassure me that everything will be okay.
Do you think I made the right decision ?
This decision is probably going to cost you some deposits, some nights of grief, and a few friends (err..some who call themselves your friends) who aren't gonna understand. However, all that is just a downpayment to the peace of mind you'll feel after the shock wears off by not ending up in a marriage of such foolishness. Peace of mind is totally priceless.
Trust me, I speak as a 25 year old guy, at 24 the world is yours. Once you recover, you have endless possibilities. Starting over will be hard but the best way to eat an elephant of a process like that is one bite at a time.
stop the wedding
Break up with the guy.
Move back to Canada, see if your brother will let you live with him for a period of time.
Find a job
Find an apartment or something to call your own
Find your old friends and make new ones
Rebuild your life from there.
Maybe I'm too logical, but that's how you rebuild yourself. Along with a period of grief.
This is all assuming this isn't something an old poster made up with a new account of course.
stop the wedding
Break up with the guy.
Move back to Canada, see if your brother will let you live with him for a period of time.
Find a job
Find an apartment or something to call your own
Find your old friends and make new ones
Rebuild your life from there.
Maybe I'm too logical, but that's how you rebuild yourself. Along with a period of grief.
This is all assuming this isn't something an old poster made up with a new account of course.
I second this wholeheartedly! Froggie's on the money!
I just called off my wedding to my fiance. I am meant to be getting married November 30th and I have called off my own wedding.
My whole life has crumbled. literally. I feel so lost and down and feel like I have nowhere to go. I have been with my fiance since I was 18 and I am now 24.
We met in college and have been together since, he got offered a job in Chicago and after 6 years of dating proposed to me, because we would be getting married in November we moved to Chicago for his new job last year November planning 1 year engagement.
I am from Canada and we both moved to Chicago, I left my job, my friends, my life and everything so we could move here and start our life here only knowing him here in Chicago.
We bought our house here in Chicago, I finally found a job and I honestly thought we were on our way. Everything was good and we've just been busy planning our wedding and honeymoon.
Over the past few months everything changed. to cut a long story short I realized that all these years my fiance has had a secret life completely.
1. Between age 15-25 (while we were together) my fiance has had a completely secret bisexual life. He swears he hasn't done anything with any guys despite flirting but honestly I do not believe him.
2. He has an addiction to gay pornography which I had no idea about (I use his laptop all the time but never saw it he was very smart) he has confessed he watches it almost every other day before i wake up.
3. He also has this whole circle of secret friends (female) who he acts as their gay best of friend around (I've never met these women before)
I never knew about any of this and found out by a slip chance (he has a secret email account which he used to order something, i say the Ebay invoice and thought hmmm and i went digging from there).
I found this all out this week but since moving here things have crumbled because I had my women instinct about this and since we moved here something just wasn't right.
He is crying and begging saying he isn't gay bla bla bla but honestly i think it would be crazy for me to go ahead with the wedding. If he has been having this secret life for 10 years it wont just magically go away.
Now I am here and I feel I threw my youth, my life all down the drain for a lie and I don't think I will be able to live properly after this.
I just feel so shocked and lost. I left everything behind in Canada to move here and feel I have lost everything I have ever known. I'm going to have to go back to Canada rebuild my life again and start over when I knew this man since i was so young.
I don't know were to even begin rebuilding my life again.I have nooone I love around me. My mum passed away and back in Canada I only have my brother. I feel I have nothing to go back to and nothing here. My whole life has shattered apart.
Please reassure me that everything will be okay.
Do you think I made the right decision ?
There are a few things I'd like to have clarification on ---
Did your BF also live in Canada? "Only knowing him in Chicago" is a bit confusing.
Also, one part says you've been together from "age 15-25" and twice you mentioned you have been together 6 years.
You have lived together 8 months. How does he have time to see these "secret female friends" that you never met? That seems impossible to me.
And, how do you know how he acts around them when you never met them?
Quote:
Prince Frog writes:
This is all assuming this isn't something an old poster made up with a new account of course.
I've posted this a number of times before that a first post from a poster we do not know with a bizarre story and no profile makes me a bit skeptical.
I'll comment further after I am a bit more clear on these details.
You did the right thing. Absolutely. It will take time, but you will be FINE. And CERTAINLY much better off than if you had gone through with the marriage. You are only 24, you have many many years ahead of you to find someone that is worthy of your trust and love. Take your time.
Excellent advice.
Good luck to you.
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You sound like a great catch and I'm sure you've got hearts to break yourself in the future so stop fretting and start enjoying your new lease of life!
